My boyfriend and I broke up 3 weeks ago. I thought we had a great relationship. Haven't spoken to him since 2 days after the breakup where we exchanged e-mails. This was the e-mail he sent me:
I wanted to say thank you for writing such a nice letter. You said a number of beautiful things and I'm happy you were able to get your thoughts across in such a nice way. I definitely know what it is like to have difficulty finding the right words in situations like these and sometimes sitting down and writing things out allows for a much clearer picture. I'm sorry that on Friday things were obviously a shock and I wouldn't expect you to be able to formulate your thoughts in the way that you were able to do so today.
That being said I think this is an example of just how difficult is was for us to both express ourselves. I feel like I know more about you after reading this 2 page letter than I learned in the almost 11 months we were together. It showed a large portion of your personality that I think you tend to hide and I feel that you need to show that to people more often. These situations are always difficult because as you said we have 2 people who are genuinely kind, compassionate beings who care a lot about each other. Unfortunately that isn't always enough. For us to not feel comfortable after the amount of time we spent together tells me that something just isn't the right fit between us. We obviously had our highs and lows over the course of the relationship and there are plenty of great memories to talk about, but ultimately I was not as happy as I feel I needed to be in a relationship. I know that we could both be happier and that we both deserve to be in relationships where you feed off of your partner, make the effort to ensure you don't distance yourselves and overall, be comfortable with who you are not only as individuals, but as a team.
Clearly, relationships are always evolving and they require a lot of work, but at the very core of any
I'm sorry this is the way everything has ended up. Again, I can't find a negative thing to say about you or your friends and family. I'm sorry I cannot write things as beautifully as you did, but I hope you can at least understand where I am coming from and respect the fact that I sincerely feel you deserve better than what I could give you. You deserve to have everything you want and need.
Most Helpful Guy
As nice as it is to think about holding out hope, the way your ex addressed your relationship in his letter to you indicates he was premeditating letting you go for a while, and when a breakup isn't done on an impulse, the chances of reconciling aren't great.
Sometimes when someone isn't happy, it really isn't anything the other person (you in this case) has done. It could just be a conflict of personality, ideologies or simply something inside of him he just can't embrace fully. That happens a lot more than you might think, and it's okay.
You should at least be thankful he addressed you honestly and told you the truth, instead of assuming he should just stay with someone he doesn't completely want to continue being with just because he doesn't want to hurt you or because he feels like that's what he has to do.
It's difficult, but relationships can run their course without ending on bad terms. That's happened with me a couple of times, where the two of us never argued or fought over anything, but either me, my girlfriend or the both of us realized the other person wasn't the long-term romantic solution we may have thought in the beginning.
He sounds like a stand up guy and was very gracious in being polite and respectful to you. Of course that can make you feel even worse, because there's nothing specific he pointed out you can go back and analyze and instead will most likely ponder just what went wrong and when. However, as I mentioned above, there may not be any one or more things that turned him off, but instead came to the conclusion he was ready to move on.
Is there a chance he could come back? Possibly, but I think it would depend on how honest he was when breaking up with you. If there was someone else he wanted to date, then that's a possible opportunity for him to come back once he realizes the grass isn't always greener, but again, it seems like he was just done, and it was something he had been considering for a while.
Over time, the two of you could meet up and give things another try, but I think by then you'll have accepted the breakup, will have healed and moved on yourself, and will likely be in a relationship you're very happy with.
I'm sorry for your pain, and I wish you the best of luck.2
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