My boyfriend left me out of the blue. Will he ever be back or realize he made a mistake?

My boyfriend and I broke up 3 weeks ago. I thought we had a great relationship. Haven't spoken to him since 2 days after the breakup where we exchanged e-mails. This was the e-mail he sent me:
I wanted to say thank you for writing such a nice letter. You said a number of beautiful things and I'm happy you were able to get your thoughts across in such a nice way. I definitely know what it is like to have difficulty finding the right words in situations like these and sometimes sitting down and writing things out allows for a much clearer picture. I'm sorry that on Friday things were obviously a shock and I wouldn't expect you to be able to formulate your thoughts in the way that you were able to do so today.
That being said I think this is an example of just how difficult is was for us to both express ourselves. I feel like I know more about you after reading this 2 page letter than I learned in the almost 11 months we were together. It showed a large portion of your personality that I think you tend to hide and I feel that you need to show that to people more often. These situations are always difficult because as you said we have 2 people who are genuinely kind, compassionate beings who care a lot about each other. Unfortunately that isn't always enough. For us to not feel comfortable after the amount of time we spent together tells me that something just isn't the right fit between us. We obviously had our highs and lows over the course of the relationship and there are plenty of great memories to talk about, but ultimately I was not as happy as I feel I needed to be in a relationship. I know that we could both be happier and that we both deserve to be in relationships where you feed off of your partner, make the effort to ensure you don't distance yourselves and overall, be comfortable with who you are not only as individuals, but as a team.
Clearly, relationships are always evolving and they require a lot of work, but at the very core of any
of any relationship there are things that just makes sense, occur naturally and are fundamentally a piece of who you are as a couple. I wish I felt differently, but I am choosing to be honest and say that unfortunately I came to realize this was not us. Relationships should be natural and never forced. A natural flow exists that I was always waiting for but never fully obtained. I kept telling myself that more time would let us figure everything out, and mistake or not, either we didn't make
make the necessary changes or it was just never going to happen.
I'm sorry this is the way everything has ended up. Again, I can't find a negative thing to say about you or your friends and family. I'm sorry I cannot write things as beautifully as you did, but I hope you can at least understand where I am coming from and respect the fact that I sincerely feel you deserve better than what I could give you. You deserve to have everything you want and need.
With love.


Most Helpful Guy

  • As nice as it is to think about holding out hope, the way your ex addressed your relationship in his letter to you indicates he was premeditating letting you go for a while, and when a breakup isn't done on an impulse, the chances of reconciling aren't great.

    Sometimes when someone isn't happy, it really isn't anything the other person (you in this case) has done. It could just be a conflict of personality, ideologies or simply something inside of him he just can't embrace fully. That happens a lot more than you might think, and it's okay.

    You should at least be thankful he addressed you honestly and told you the truth, instead of assuming he should just stay with someone he doesn't completely want to continue being with just because he doesn't want to hurt you or because he feels like that's what he has to do.

    It's difficult, but relationships can run their course without ending on bad terms. That's happened with me a couple of times, where the two of us never argued or fought over anything, but either me, my girlfriend or the both of us realized the other person wasn't the long-term romantic solution we may have thought in the beginning.

    He sounds like a stand up guy and was very gracious in being polite and respectful to you. Of course that can make you feel even worse, because there's nothing specific he pointed out you can go back and analyze and instead will most likely ponder just what went wrong and when. However, as I mentioned above, there may not be any one or more things that turned him off, but instead came to the conclusion he was ready to move on.

    Is there a chance he could come back? Possibly, but I think it would depend on how honest he was when breaking up with you. If there was someone else he wanted to date, then that's a possible opportunity for him to come back once he realizes the grass isn't always greener, but again, it seems like he was just done, and it was something he had been considering for a while.

    Over time, the two of you could meet up and give things another try, but I think by then you'll have accepted the breakup, will have healed and moved on yourself, and will likely be in a relationship you're very happy with.

    I'm sorry for your pain, and I wish you the best of luck.

    • Thanks for your response. This is very insightful and sort of what I have been thinking as well. I feel that the ending of this relationship is unfortunate as I believed it could have been salvaged with proper communication. He never communicated his change in heart to me until it actually ended.

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    • Exactly how you put it, this was my gut instinct when he left... as if he was just running from something. I did get the feeling in the past that he was searching for the "perfect relationship", which I thought we had pretty close to this. He just turned 30.
      I am a very modest person, and I realize I have flaws like everyone else, but at the same time I know I am a great girl that has a lot going on for myself, which is why I keep trying to remind myself to not take the ending of our relationship personally. His family and friends loved me. I do realize though that it takes two people to be in a relationship, and my only regret is not communicating as much as we should have.

    • It's very important you do not take the breakup personally. Of course if there was a characteristic of yours damaging to the relationship, then that's something you may consider addressing. However, in this case it seems like there isn't anything specific your ex cited to be the cause of ending things.

      I sent you a message if you want to continue talking more, you can reply back.

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What Guys Said 1

  • What makes you think he made a mistake? He had his reasons, no need to make light of them.

    • Thanks for your response. I should rephrase that, maybe not a mistake because he felt he needed to end things. guess my question is will he ever realize that we had a great relationship because in all honesty we actually did.

What Girls Said 2

  • Hi Sarah, I am very sorry to hear about your break up. As I know exactly how you are feeling and are going through. As my ex did a sudden out of the blue break up with me but I do have a gut feeling what created it as I know he is very confused with another situation that occurred. its very hard. And I am so very sorry that you are experiencing the same thing I am.

    • Thanks for the message sweet sport. It

    • Sorry my last response was cut off.
      It has been very difficult for me, mostly just dealing with unanswered questions, but I'm really trying to stay positive. I'm sorry that you're going through the same thing. Feel free to pm me and we can chat more!

    • Hi I pmed you. And your welcome for the message.

  • I am not clear what led to this sudden breakup. Did anything happen such as saying/doing something to hurt each other? I have found in my experience that sometimes men will just disappear (referred to as "ghosting") when what they feel like something "better" came along or they are just plain afraid of going to the "next level". When he said: "Unfortunately that isn't always enough. For us to not feel comfortable after the amount of time we spent together tells me that something just isn't the right fit between us" he isn't specifically saying WHAT HE was uncomfortable about.

    • Nothing really happened. It was a big shock for me. We had a couple of small disagreements that weren't exactly ever resolved. This is the only thing I can come up with. He told me he loved me on a daily basis.

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    • I agree that it may be due to his fear of ending up with potentially the wrong person and it leading to divorce. I think that after the honeymoon phase ended our love changed in to something different and he couldn't accept that there may be difficulties down the road. I think that's normal in a relationship, and you have to work through any potential issues together.

    • I am also sorry to hear that you had to experience that. Relationships ending are very tough. I keep telling myself every day will be better and so far it gotten better - the pain is lessening.

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