I was using my fiance's computer today, and while typing into the address bar, the "auto complete" kicked in and I found out he has been looking at Craigslist personal ads for women seeking men. I asked him about it, he said he was bored, and it was "just for comedic value". But there was nothing funny about it--attractive women, scantily clad, looking for dates/hookups whatever. So I knew he was lying.
To find out the truth, I did something I never do: I checked his email. I found emails from 2 girls from Craigslist replying to his message to them saying "hey there gorgeous". He denied that, and said it was all spam mail and he never wrote those messages. What's worse... I also found that he signed up for an adult website strictly for sexual hookups. He even used a different username than what he uses on all other websites, so he knew it was deceptive and was trying to hide it from me. When I asked him about it, he said that was also just because he was "bored" and it was "funny". He admitted to creating the weird username to keep me from finding out.
He promises to change. Says he is terrified of losing me. Cries about it. Said he will never go on those sites again. And I love him so much that I WANT to believe him. But I don't know if he's telling the truth about the spam mail and it all being because he was bored and looking for laughs...or if he really was planning to cheat on me. And even if I do believe him and stay with him, how could I ever trust him again?
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Most Helpful Guy
What would have happend if you didn't find these things? And it wasn't just one time curiousity thing. Craigslist first. Let's say MAYBE the craigslist thing WAS just an accident. How do you accidentally joining a site intended for local hooking up? Was it really THAT "funny" what he was looking for? And if you didn't catch him, It doesn't sound like he would have told you about it. Typical "cheating" behvior. This is going to be a tough one for you because you love him.
But do however understand that just because we love someone, does that mean that we don't deserve loyalty? I don't think he's ready to get married and you shouldn't want to be either. Take a step back because if this happens while your married, it's going to hurt a lot more and be more painful.
His tears may be sincere, but not because he came to you with it but because he was CAUGHT. I know it may sound stupid, and does not justify anything, but he very well wanted to hook up but not want to "cheat" and may not have even wanted to hurt you. But I don't think he was even thinking about you at all when he was looking at these sites.
And it's because you LOVE him that you WANT to believe him. Maybe otherwise, you would be able see more clearly with nothing "fogging" your view and potentially see what it really is.
Yes, he may be sorry, but what if you didn't catch him? Then who would be sorry? It's better you found out now sooner than later, right? Make a good decisions. And not just with your heart this time, but with your brain too. Because sometimes love can make us blind. But eventually, we begin to see again. And it's up to you where you end up when that happens. The ball is in your court.1