Why is my ex boyfriend playing telephone through our friends?

My ex that I dated for 7 months broke up with me about 2 months ago and it wasn't pretty. We live in the same town, but I was away at school so at the time it was long distance. He broke up with me via text messaging telling me he was moving in a month and couldn't do the relationship with that much distance. He never moved. We also work at the same place when I'm back from school. He was supposed to leave to visit a relative during almost the entire time I was home. Now he's staying home. There was a work Xmas party this past weekend and yeah, we were both there. I avoided all contact with him and just had fun with my friends the entire time and ignored him. There was at one point where we all had to sign a card and he walked over, said "Here you go, ___" quietly and handed me the card. I just took the card and didn't say anything. Later that night, I was hanging out with my friends after the party. He texted one of our mutual friends he knew I was with asking him to do him a favor and apologize to me for a situation I got caught up in the day before (Not the exact text at all, but it's a giant side story I won't get into). He had nothing to do with what happened, but found out about it through someone else (another mutual friend) and apologized for it. I was confused, why does he care when he had nothing to do with it at all and why is he playing telephone through our friend? I ended up texting him because I wasn't putting my friend in the middle of it, saying the situation the day before was nothing and it didn't matter and nothing happened. He texted back saying how he knew what happened but he knew I was there and he felt bad. Any ideas as to why he is doing this? My life is none of his business anymore, why is he apologizing for an incident that had nothing to do with him at all? it looks like it is a lame excuse to try and talk to me, but I have no idea. This is all a very condensed version of what's happened, but I don't want to write a book on here. I'm just looking to see if anyone else sees anything in him contacting me through a friend and apologizing for something he had nothing to do with. I just don't understand it at all. Any input would be greatly appreciated, thank you!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He's probably had a few regrets finishing the relationship now he's seeing you occasionally. It is his way of trying to get back into your life again by the sounds of it. He's thinking that you will talk to him about whatever happened to try and get close to you again. It's sometimes easier for people to communicate via messages and friends so he can get a feeler for the situation. He obviously brought the card over to you to generate a conversation. The ball is in your court, if you have moved on and not interested politely tell him you would rather have distance or if you want something again with him let a new relationship develope. He could also just want to be friends so don't rush into anything, sometimes people work better as friends but I couldn't tell you if this was the case as I don't know the two of you well enough. I hope this gives a little light to the situation

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    • Like I said in the comment above, I don't know how to take the sudden contact from him. We had not spoken to each other at all since the break-up happened and to have him randomly apologize for a situation he had nothing to with caught me off guard. I don't know if he's just looking to be friends or is starting to regret the break-up, but it seems like a pretty random and unnecessary conversation starter with an ex. It could mean nothing, but then again, why did he even bother to do so?

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What Guys Said 2

  • Overanalyze much? It sounds like he just wants to reach out and be able to talk to you again. He picks up that ur mad at him so he went through a friend first and made up a lame reason to cotact you. He may just want to be friends or maybe more but it's hard to tell without knowing more.

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    • I agree, I over analyze, but I just don't understand why he felt the need to apologize through a friend for what happened. He knew what happened, why say he was sorry or feel bad for a situation he knows he had nothing to do with? I mean, I really cared for the guy when we were dating and the break-up was terrible. The sudden random contact was just surprising and I don't know how to take it.

  • He wants to look like some kind of hero or be the "good guy". He is prob looking for you friends to say to her "awe...he's sweet". He likely thinks that will be enough to fuel some kind of fire or desire that will lead you back to him. My gut tells me this is the type of guy who will keep stalking you and trying to be around you in innocent ways hoping you get back with him.

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    • So you think the way he is behaving is some way to try and get back into my life? We ran into each other and he spoke to me for the first time asking how I was doing, but I didn't say much...he proceeded to get upset by me giving him the cold shoulder and complained to both a friend and my sister about it, saying how I hated him and he didn't know what to do. I don't understand his behavior...

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    • I haven't decided if I want to be friends with him. Honestly, I still have feelings for him and I still really care about him. But he's the one that broke my heart. I admitted to loving him, which responded saying how he would be lying if he said he loved me, but he really really really liked me and hoped his words didn't hurt me in any way because be never wanted to hurt me, then dumped me 2 weeks later. I don't know how to read him and I don't want to jump to conclusions and get hurt again...

    • Dont try to "read" him. Move on. Let him try to figure you out and become very disinterested in him....unless you want to be his friend, but I wouldn't recommend that. If you love somebody and want to be with them as more than friends and they don't want the same.....then move on and forget about him. Go find something new.

What Girls Said 4

  • maybe he likes your mutual friend so now he's involved and probably he's the type who likes drama in his life. I advise to stay away from him and act like he doesn't exist. if he's willing to lie to you once, he'll lie again and again. there's no point in associatin with someone who keeps being annoying and you guys aren't together anymore so..

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    • If you pay attention, the mutual friend is a GUY, not a girl. Besides, why would he ask a girl he's with to tell his ex he's sorry? That's not anything a guy would do EVER. Sheesh.

  • After reading what happened, I still wouldn't make any rash moves. The thought of you getting kicked out of the bar maybe gave him mental images of you being manhandled by bouncers etc. You were there & you know it wasn't intense, but he might have heard a spiced up version.

    I've had an ex making regular 'hello how are u' contact with me, and I don't think he understood how much energy I wasted trying to understand it. I know I've made similar contact after dumping guys, but I didn't want them back, which I understand now was pretty thoughtless on my part.

    I really think that ur priority here should be preserving ur dignity. I have found this to be the most important aspect of break-up survival. If this is a gesture by him to get ur attention and you don't respond, he'll try something more obvious next time. Each attempt by him will become more obvious, and then you can ask him about it without the worry that u'll end up looking like a tool.

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  • Try not to read into it too much. It's hard to say without knowing what happened to u; if you'd been in an accident or something horrible the day before, I can understand why he would want to acknowledge it. He doesn't hate u. You guys had a relationship so he can't help but care when something happens to u. Its kind of a habit that guys get into; even after they break up with a girl they care for, they still feel a bit of a need to protect her. But "care for" doesn't necessarily mean he wants you back. Try to shelve this at the back of ur mind. If he starts to make very frequent contact with u, ask him about it. But for now, play it cool. We girls like to analyse every aspect of our ex's behaviour for any nuance of meaning, but his behaviour could mean a million things. Wait for a positive sign. Eventually, you'll get sick of waiting (if you don't get any good signs) and u'll move on.

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    • What happened the day before was that I went to a bar with one of my friends. Her ex works there, but she wanted to see a band performing that night. The owner kicked her out of the bar for reasons I won't get into and of course I wasn't staying there without her so we went to a different bar. It was no big deal and it was probably for the best. My ex probably heard it through the boyfriend of one of my friends. It wasn't an accident and it wasn't a big deal so I don't understand why he apologized.

  • It's a sign of immaturity and inability to communicate clearly. Good thing he's your ex! I'd contact him (don't bother with texting, a phone conversation is needed) and politely tell him you would prefer to talk to him directly, rather than air your laundry to friends/family/ or co-workers. Don't let him get the best of you, but tell him you deserve some respect on your end.

    Stand your ground. Best of luck!

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