Helping my girlfriend?

So here's the story in brief: a couple of years ago, my now girlfriend almost got raped by this guy she liked. Now she's got really bad intimacy issues. How do I help her overcome these and let her know how much I care about her?

Also, is it wrong that I want to track this guy down and beat the s*** out of him?


Most Helpful Girl

  • No, that is a very good feeling to have. You should want to protect her. Any person who has suffered abuse, especially sexual abuse needs two things. Support, and Understanding. You need to understand that healing can be a very very long process. She may want to be with you one moment, and then act very cold and distant. Understand that it isn't your fault, she's scared. The one thing you should never do, is pressure her physically. When she shuts down before you are intimate, then you just need to let her shut down. Tell her that she calls the shots, whatever she needs you to do, you can do it. This might mean a lot of cold showers on your part, but it's important that she sees that you aren't treating her like you own her, or like she is a sexual toy.

    Don't rush her, she'll come around (Slowly) supporting her is the only thing you can do. Talk to her about the situation, ask her what she needs.


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What Girls Said 2

  • it might seem weird but what you should do is just sit her down and explain it to her I had some thing like that happen to me when I was 16 and I wish the guy I dated after that would have but you really should just talk to her about it

  • Talk to her, let her know how you feel. Take things slow, never rush her. If she can talk about it with you, then she trusts you and you can know what to avoid, maybe ... a certain position or a certain way he touched her, or even just a location. After talking with her about what happened, I think it would open up doors for both of you, allowing her to realize she can't fix what happened but she can find someone who can treat her better. You have to show her that intamacy isn't always forced. Let her set the track for speed in intamacy. However, it's okay to slowly help her out... always ask just in case. So she knows you won't make her do anything.


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