I feel trapped?

I have been married for 17 years. I have always been unhappy deep down but kept my marriage going for my kids sake as I love my children to bits ! Myself and my husband have never been compatible !! He's a good man but just not for me , but I love him like I love my mum , sister etc. The past 3 years it's been worse for me , I tried to end things 2 years ago but he emotionally blackmailed me :( so I went back. Last week we chatted and I told him I want to go my own way , he cried and said he loves me but the day after he was pretending nothing has been said and carried on as normal. We don't have sex , haven't kissed each other in years. !! We don't communicate , when I try to have a conversation its stale and he never talks unless I do :/ it's like we just live as lodgers in the house. Plus I think the reason why he's stays around is because he doesn't want to fail his parents / friends etc as he likes to boast the good life to all friends and family. I don't know what to do :( I feel I'm staying in this marriage to please him as I don't like hurting anyone :( what should I do

Updates:
It's coming to a point where I am starting to detest him !! He isn't listing to what I want :( he's not taking me seriously
Listening *

0|0
78

Most Helpful Guy

  • Sorry to hear it's not working for you. This is something you need to decide for yourself.

    I sort of understand where you are coming from. I was in a long relationship where the last several years were platonic. We were like room mates rather than a couple. We slept in the same bed, but never touched. We grew more and more distant as a couple, but remained good friends. Strange as the relationship had become, for a lot of years it just worked for us.

    Eventually we both admitted that we had to split. We left on good terms and remained good friends. We were holding each other back, and we both knew it. We continued as we were for too many years. Our lives were slipping past us. It wasn't "bad" the way it was. It's just that we both seriously needed to move on and find our own way in life.

    Not that it was bad, but those years can't be recovered. I feel like I wasted the prime years of my life and missed out on the kind of relationship that others have. The loss of years seemed like a missed opportunity.

    0|0
    0|0
    • I'm confused because he's never been horrible to me but we don't connect as you put it. All the 17 years together he has never taken me out , and when I told him this as an example he said we went to my works do last year?' . When he try's to touch me I freeze ! Makes me cringe ! And I know it bad of me to describe that in this way but he's like a brother to me type thing. We sit in at night and when he's off work we don't talk just the odd comment here n there , he's on his phone most of the time and I go on mine to talk to friends as its so lonely. I'm good good wife I do all the housework , kids very looked after , I'm good but we have drifted apart a long long time ago and it's became the norm

    • Show All
    • If you leave, will you be OK financially? Have you thought about it and made any plans?

      My father worked and my mother didn't. But at least she had her own bank account entirely in her name.

    • I would need to find a job but I have a little bit of savings to help me , my family would help and guide me. He takes our son out once a week , there's no closeness. My husband goes to work but he's not there much so when he's at home he would just sit there all day , or go into the garden , that's it. If he was here now he would be sitting there on his phone drinking coffee and that's it !! No talking unless I say something , I just go out with my daughter food shopping or to my mums.

Most Helpful Girl

  • Well honestly as a child or divorce I was relieved in a way when my parents split up because I didn't have to hear them fighting as often. I always could tell even as a small child that they were not as in love as they should be, so your kids probably see it coming anyway. It's better to end it when it's just mild annoyances and a lukewarm marriage. My parents waited to divorce until they absolutely despised each other and now that I am 20 I am leaving the fucking city and then the province next year I am tired of their immature shit and I don't have to put up with it anymore! I have been waiting to become an adult my entire life so I could escape their bullshit. End it before you start viciously fighting it will actually save your kids a world of pain. My cousin's parents (my aunt and uncle) divorced because things just fizzled out and they never really fought at all and I was SOOO jealous that my cousins didn't have to put up with fighting yelling parents like I did. Sure they never got physically violent but hearing my dad badmouth my mom and my mom badmouth my dad and having to listen to them vent at 8 years old it just destroyed my spirit. I'm still bitter about it all so please end it before the fighting starts, yelling was the soundtrack of my childhood and now even if I hear people I don't know yelling I turn into that same heartbroken little girl like I am so fucked up.

    1|0
    0|0

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • You said it yourself, it seems like the last few years have been going downhill for you and what's the point of being with someone who doesn't even want to listen to you? don't stay in the marriage just to please someone or for the sake of it, that is a very bad thing to do. If you are unhappy then come out of the marriage, don't be afraid to do what is right.

    0|0
    0|0
  • You've been married since you were 12?

    1|0
    0|0
    • My sisters account lol

    • Show All
    • Well it's good to hear that you're on what sounds like a good path now. Good luck. :)

    • Thank you :)

  • Nobody can answer what you can do. that has got to be YOUR decision.
    I do know EXACTLY how you feel because that was/has happened in my marriage.
    we have now split... its been a year and a half now. we get on better now than we ever have.
    If you need any advice etc please don't hesitate to send me a PM

    0|0
    0|0
  • Sounds like parting ways would be a good idea... even for the kids as otherwise they will think that animosity between mum and dad is a normal thing

    0|1
    0|0
    • We don't talk , it's like we are just lodging together. I told him it's over ! And he says he can live with out sex it's not important ! He won't let me go

    • Show All
    • I have done it ! Been a week so far , it's strange because he did try to fight for me but suddenly let me go ! I'm feeling like its to good to be true tho

    • Wow! Awesome... a new life awaits you!

  • If you can't work out your issues together, don't feel afraid to admit you two don't work anymore. It's better to rip off the bandaid rather than pull it off slowly. In the end, you two may well be better off separated.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well if you are not happy... then there is no point in staying...
    Was it a arranged marriage or love marriage?
    And whata your exact age... right now? Just curious

    0|0
    0|0
  • Well, if you're not happy, why stay? That's not fair to you. Just remember, people out there, still ask if love survives. Divorce rate is at 50%, so you'd just proving them wrong. You once loved this man, but, you don't now (for whatever that reason is)

    0|0
    0|0

What Girls Said 6

  • you should take a stand for yourself.. and if this is not working out then end it.. kids are very very very important.. but our own happiness is important too. you should not sacrifice everything..

    1|0
    0|0
  • A few things I learned when getting divorced..
    1. Finding a good guy today is very hard.
    2. It will be rough on the kids for a while but they will adjust.
    3. Divorce is very expensive and doesn't always go well for the wife ( I got so screwed I had to live with my parents for 2 years).
    4. After going through this hell, you CAN actually be happy (and in love) again.

    1|0
    0|0
  • File for divorce. It will probably be a long process, but that's no way to live your life. I am young and I have seen my mom break up, get married and be in an unhappy marriage. It is hard for kids to get through, but are you going to spend the rest of your life with him unhappy because you have kids. Please don't. You need to put yourself first here!

    1|0
    0|0
  • Married at 12? That's life imprisonment to a ball and a chain.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Stay and work things out not for you but for the kids.

    0|0
    1|0
Loading...