I have been married for 17 years. I have always been unhappy deep down but kept my marriage going for my kids sake as I love my children to bits ! Myself and my husband have never been compatible !! He's a good man but just not for me , but I love him like I love my mum , sister etc. The past 3 years it's been worse for me , I tried to end things 2 years ago but he emotionally blackmailed me :( so I went back. Last week we chatted and I told him I want to go my own way , he cried and said he loves me but the day after he was pretending nothing has been said and carried on as normal. We don't have sex , haven't kissed each other in years. !! We don't communicate , when I try to have a conversation its stale and he never talks unless I do :/ it's like we just live as lodgers in the house. Plus I think the reason why he's stays around is because he doesn't want to fail his parents / friends etc as he likes to boast the good life to all friends and family. I don't know what to do :( I feel I'm staying in this marriage to please him as I don't like hurting anyone :( what should I do
Most Helpful Guy
Sorry to hear it's not working for you. This is something you need to decide for yourself.
I sort of understand where you are coming from. I was in a long relationship where the last several years were platonic. We were like room mates rather than a couple. We slept in the same bed, but never touched. We grew more and more distant as a couple, but remained good friends. Strange as the relationship had become, for a lot of years it just worked for us.
Eventually we both admitted that we had to split. We left on good terms and remained good friends. We were holding each other back, and we both knew it. We continued as we were for too many years. Our lives were slipping past us. It wasn't "bad" the way it was. It's just that we both seriously needed to move on and find our own way in life.
Not that it was bad, but those years can't be recovered. I feel like I wasted the prime years of my life and missed out on the kind of relationship that others have. The loss of years seemed like a missed opportunity.0
- Show AllShow Less
Most Helpful Girl
Well honestly as a child or divorce I was relieved in a way when my parents split up because I didn't have to hear them fighting as often. I always could tell even as a small child that they were not as in love as they should be, so your kids probably see it coming anyway. It's better to end it when it's just mild annoyances and a lukewarm marriage. My parents waited to divorce until they absolutely despised each other and now that I am 20 I am leaving the fucking city and then the province next year I am tired of their immature shit and I don't have to put up with it anymore! I have been waiting to become an adult my entire life so I could escape their bullshit. End it before you start viciously fighting it will actually save your kids a world of pain. My cousin's parents (my aunt and uncle) divorced because things just fizzled out and they never really fought at all and I was SOOO jealous that my cousins didn't have to put up with fighting yelling parents like I did. Sure they never got physically violent but hearing my dad badmouth my mom and my mom badmouth my dad and having to listen to them vent at 8 years old it just destroyed my spirit. I'm still bitter about it all so please end it before the fighting starts, yelling was the soundtrack of my childhood and now even if I hear people I don't know yelling I turn into that same heartbroken little girl like I am so fucked up.1