How can I not feel anxious and stop thinking about my ex and his new girlfriend?


3 years ago today, my ex officially broke up with me. I've had setbacks in the years since where all the progress I've made leaving him behind has dwindled. In the first year, I made the mistake of talking to him again before I was over him. He cut me off for months until I reached out again the next year. That seemed okay.

Last year, we went to a party, got drunk and were interested in getting back together. He told me a few days later that he thought it was a bad idea. He also began dating one of his best friends but they broke up and then slept together. This affected me because he turned down my advances but went with her. Eventually I got a couple hook ups with him. I was satisfied.

Throughout this time we were "friends" but I was doing all of the work (texting, etc since we went to different schools).

He stopped talking to me in February and after a week of trying to contact him with him ignoring all of my attempts, I cut it out. He hasn't spoken to me since. And I don't want to see or hear from him. I also stopped having romantic feelings for him.

The other night, in a weak moment, I looked him up online and he seemed to be doing better than me all around: improved appearance and, what I confirmed yesterday from one of his (former) best friends, a new girlfriend. The one he'd been with before.

Basically, he's doing better than me in this post undergraduate stage. He's got a girlfriend with whom he has everything in common. He's even doing an ldr with her from across the country, which is something he broke up with me over, though we went to different schools in the same state.

This has caused me lots of anxiety on top of the resentment I have for him and the way he's lead me on and disrespected me. I've tried to be the bigger person in the past but now, I'm just so overwhelmed. It's gotten to the point where I wish bad things on them.

What can I do not to feel anxiou

Updates:
I also want to clarify that I don't miss him or want him back, I just want to not stress over how great he's doing now and how I'm not in as good of a place as he seems to be.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's a difficult thing to see, but remember not to compare yourself to anybody but yourself. You two have different lives now, try to see his as different from yours and not better.

    Social media fogs things. Because you aren't in contact with your ex it's hard to tell if he's actually doing as well as he appears. We all have struggles, and many of us aren't likely to post them online for every body to see. What you're looking at is face value, and how he wants the world to perceive him.

    As for your feelings, let them flow. You have to work through them to find peace. Bottling them up or ignoring them will only make it worse. But try not to dwell on it either.

    Do something for yourself. If you aren't happy in your current situation, think about which area you think needs the most work, and figure out how to take a step in that direction. Keeping a journal of your progress can help, you can look back on how far you've come after awhile and will start to feel better.

    There isn't anything wrong with you. You're just on a different path than your ex. And you should be, because you are no longer in each other's lives.

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What Guys Said 3

  • This is what happens when you are a stuck up... i can't believe you wasted 3 years on one guy who broke up with you... LOL

    Just move on... already! Will ya?
    Forget about him and get you life back on the track... And find yourself again

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  • Why are you centering your life around someone who does not care for you?

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  • I suggest getting laid with a new better boyfriend or a one nighter if you are into it. Nothing like hot sex to get over hot sex and problems from the past. It makes you feel good and feel good about yourself and your own game. Fuck this dude. He doesn't appreciate you.

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What Girls Said 5

  • woah... this sucks huh? Why couldnt he just commit to you and save all the crap right? Well when you guys were together he was younger and in a different place and concentrating on school. Whats more is he is with a friend that he got back with (why not you right?) well I hate to say this but it sounds like he has found the one who will make him do all this stuff for her...

    You are holding on to the past and that is something you cannot change no matter how much you wish it was different. I feel your pain, sometimes I close my eyes tightly and hope then when i open them i will wake up in my old bed with my old life. It won't happen. the best quote for me is Gandalf in lord of the rings:

    “I wish it need not have happened in my time," said Frodo.
    "So do I," said Gandalf, "and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

    Its true... you need to realise you are a young person who will most likely meet someone better... dont dwell on the past but embrace the future xx

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  • Move on with your life, find a hobby, a new boy, get a pet. Do something to get your mind of the situation. Accept that he's never coming back, he's gone. Go find happiness and stop stressing over his.

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  • Feel your feelings.

    Don't ignore or stuff them down. Let the tears flow and express your anger. Ignored emotions will only make you calloused and afraid.

    One way of unloading your feelings is to write out what might be too difficult to say out loud to others right now. Or better yet, start a dialogue with your broken heart, asking this part of you questions and giving it the solace and attention it needs right now.

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  • so you did all the work and initiated and he never reciprocated? that's just going to keep happening over and over again if you don't stop talking to him.

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  • I can relate to how you feel. All you can do is keep busy and try not to think about him. Eventually you will think about him less, until one day he never even crosses our mind. Just because he appears to be happy with a new girlfriend, it doesn't necessarily mean it is a happy relationship.

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