Why does my ex husband want to be friends?

So recently my ex husband and I met up to fill out more paperwork for the divorce after the court hearing. While we were at the notary he literally just breaks down. I tried to comfort him as best I could but he has abused me and I get nervous when we are too close together. I have been doing no contact for three months until we went to our hearing. He says he wants to be friends. He says that he wants to be friends to prove to me that he has changed. I tried telling him all the reasons why we divorced in the first place and he just doesn't care. So whenever we talk about the documents and the hearings he is using that time to talk about the relationship instead of the actual business and I have to keep reminding him why we were there. I don't know what to do. He is in bad shape and I just want him to be happy but not if that means I have to sacrifice my life again. I'm feeling very confused. I don't know how to just be friends. But I don't want to hurt him even though he has hurt me.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You're not responsible for his happiness. He probably does have regrets now because the way he treated you led to the divorce, but it's too late. This ship has sailed. I understand you don't want him to be unhappy, but when he abused you, he didn't care about your happiness. You rightly say that you don't want to sacrifice your life again, so make sure he doesn't suck you back in. Try to remain as formal as polite as possible during these meetings you have to have with him, but keep the distance.

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  • All future talks will have to go through channels, best if lawyers but could be email - where you only respond to the issues and not his problems/past.

    This is NOT a match but he does miss the good times.
    When he has time away from you, he'll have the time to invest or at least become available to others more fitting... or at least know how to handle him before he rages into abuse habits.

    This is healing for both, so be very GOOD to yourself = avoiding him at all costs/means = healing for both

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  • Like the anonymous user posted "his happiness isn't your problem". Trust me I know as one bleeding heart to another it's easy to get sucked in but like you said, you guys are getting divorced for a reason. This guy is definitely trying to get back into your life and I recommend you don't let it happen. Keep him at arms length!

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