I've been casually seeing this girl at college. On paper, she has everything I would want in a girl: easy to talk to, similar interests, great chemistry, sweet as hell, beautiful. She laughs at my jokes, appreciates me for me - I can be real with her. After I graduated, she just had to see me one more time before I left campus. Then she spammed my e-mail with old jokes, saying "because why not"
But on the flipside, she has all the classic signs of an EUP (emotionally unavailable person). She has practically zero self-esteem, putting herself down and blaming herself a lot. She got drunk once and started crying, "I'm a loser, I'm a rando, I don't mean anything to people, please ignore me, why would anyone want to talk to me." She's flaky: we'll spend magical time together, try to make subsequent plansm and then she'll just wander off and be ultra-apologetic afterward. Or she'll text me, I'll respond, things will be good, but then she'll disappear for days. She's emotionally distant: I've tried to initiate deep talks about feelings and she'll revert it back to just jokes quickly. Which was fun initially, but now it's unfulfilling. And the worst part is there's no signs of change - 7 months later, she still has these EUP signs, she still wanders off, nothing has moved forward.
I've so wanted someone that I can be real, true, and feel safe with, and I found her. But she's just too scared. Now a graduate, I want MY life to move forward. She's gone on long enough. It's an unfulfilling LDR now at best anyway.
I want to end this sort-of-relationship, but also leave the door open. If she matures and grows up emotionally, I'd be open to a possible future. But after 7 months of saying ad nauseum, "You mean a lot to me and I like you for you," I don't know how to say, "This is too hard for me; we can't be together until you change. I can't be with you as you are." In terms of Game of Thrones metaphors, I want to stop the wheel, but not break the wheel. How do I do this?
Most Helpful Guy
Honestly, there's no good or easy way to end things, so I would just be straight up with her, which is what you probably should have done from the start. I know you said she isn't good at talking about feelings, but it sounds like you could have been more honest and open with her. Anyways, if she eventually matures to the point that you want her to, at that point she will appreciate you having told her these things that she needs to here. If telling her to grow up permanently breaks the wheel, it's for the best.2