How come guys take good girls for granted?

Every weekend, I cooked for him. He said that no other woman has done that for him. I like to give massages, which he enjoyed as well. I did it when he was sore. He didn't have to ask, I just did it when I noticed he was tense. I'd get oil, sit on his back, and massage his back to relieve some stress. Oday when he came home, his feet were sore from standing up all day. I took his shoe off, rubbed his feet and told him "Why don't you relax the rest of the day, if you need anything I'll get it for you". For his birthday, I bought him a cake and we played this game where we would put country names in a hat and what ever country he picked I would make a dish from that country. so for his birthday we had a foriegn dinner and I sung happy birthday to him. He said that he hadn't had his birthday celebrated in years and it had just become another day to him. So I treated him well, but he had temper problems and was emotionally abusive, and also didn't show much affection towards me which made me feel bad. He would go into random emotional fits, and insult me. He would also talk sexually online with girls from pornsites. So when I got upset, he tried to defend it and get angry at me for being upset about what he did. If we argued, the argument was alwasy either over a woman, or me bringing up that it hurt me that he didn't display much affection, and was said hurtful things to me. When he moved to another state, two days into our long distance relationship, he started crushing on another woman and wanted to be with her, he knew nothing about her except that she was pretty. I was prepared to stay loyal to him until he came back, I even lost a lot of guy friends and only hung out with girls. I was heart broken and we got into a nasty fight on facebook over this. I told him I hated him, and I really don't.

Updates:
I don't smoke, I don't drink and I don't club. I don't think any of those things are lady like and I want to be a mom one day. Also, my cherry isn't popped. I'm not doing that until after marriage. He told me that he liked that I was a good girl but he wants a girl that he can smoke with (I wanted him to quit), and who he can party with... I don't want to get into those habits because I'm serious about my future family life and those behaviors are hard to kick once started.
He also threw the other girl's race in my face. He is biracial and I am black. Black guys usually do this to make a girl jealous, as if a woman's race elevates her worth when it doesn't. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter rather she's black or white, it's what a woman can bring to the table. I'm attractive (I wish I could post a picture. I can't from campus computers, but if you come back after 4pm, I will have a photo up), and I carry myself like a lady and am very old fashioned and loyal

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Most Helpful Guy

  • What you described isn't about you. The question you asked isn't accurate. The question should be something like, why do guys get too comfortable and feel that throwing a good girl away is acceptable? Slight variation from yours, but I added a critical piece that you might have overlooked. The same question is asked by guys, why won't girls date good guys? But for similar reasons, it is the same. Guys who have a good girl get comfortable... too comfortable leaving them in a state of mental weakness. When you first date someone, you want to be sharp so you don't slip up and say something stupid or embarrassing. The same is for guys. But as you both get closer and more use to each other, one can't help but get bored of each other. It's sad, but for the same reasons that girls don't want a good guy is that they don't lit the chimney, it is the same for guys. Remember, that in cases of Long Distance Relationships, lots of people let go, and it seems like he has been letting go for a while now. I want to clarify that this isn't your fault and there isn't anything you could have done to prevent it. As BertMacklinFBI said, not all guys are like that and I highly encourage you to date someone who will value your efforts and loyalty. That should by cherished and not so easily thrown away. It happens to us because we are human and not perfect. But don't worry, there will be a guy who will be willing to do everything he can to keep you.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't caste your pearls to swine.

    If you toss a beautiful expensive diamond ring on a pig farm, do you think the pigs are gonna treat the ring with the respect it truly deserves? No because they are pigs and they don't know better.

    Your last guy was a pig like that too. You will find the right guy for you.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 11

  • not all guys do, im keeping it up with a good girl right now.

    but there is a big difference between a good girl and a doormat.

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  • Wow you are really similar to the ex girlfriend I mentioned on your other question! So my relationship was quite similar to yours except there was less drama and I wasn't a jerk to her. I'll be bluntly honest here. You're being a doormat. There is a fine line between being incredibly nice, and letting someone step all over you. Many nice people fall in this trap. This doesn't mean that you should stop being nice (a lot of guys would kill for a girl like you), but you need to draw the line somewhere. You've been so nice to him that he takes you for granted and doesn't respect you. If you're a very kindhearted person you need to also have a tough side so people don't take you for granted and walk all over you. You can be kind and everything, but when he does something out of line, you sure as hell let him know. When you let him know you have to drive the point across. Don't just mention it, but make sure he heard you loud and clear and that he knows to not dare to do it again. Honestly I think you should break up with him. He's crossed too many lines and he doesn't deserve you. He's not the only guy you will ever meet and it's not the end of the world if you break up. You obviously aren't his type, and he isn't yours. My ex and I had the same problem. I'm a clean guy (no drugs or anything) and I am very driven in my career path. But my ex is similar to you and thats not my type. Trust me, plenty of guys would date you, but to some like me and your boyfriend, we have different preferences. Luckily I wasn't a jerk about it and cleanly cut our relationship before things got bad. So decide if you are willing to have him drag you along, or pick yourself up and tell him that he has crossed the line too many times and that you are done with his crap.

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  • He's not a good match for you. There are many good guys out there. Move on and find one. Your future kids will thank you.

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  • No, not all guys are like that, but yes if the girl is too vulnerable and submissive some guys can take such good girls for granted, it shouldn't happen but sadly it does, on the other hand there are guys who respect such good girls, so not all guys are like that.

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  • Its not men, its the man you chose that is the problem. Do you date outside your race? Do you have a preference in types of men? Personally I think you sound great (I prefer traditional girls)

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    • I've always dated outside of my race. I usually end up with white guys and Mestizo latinos. This guy was biracial.

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    • No, just the individual. It has nothing to do with anything but the individual. Majority of the guys I've dated weren't like this, but him and another ex were.

    • Well if none of these where factors then I would say just bad luck. It happens, but if you do see a trend beyond this then you might want ot consider thinking about these things, I know it sounds like it doesn't seem to correlate but it usually does have an impact even if its not obvious at first. Beyond that I would say just keep trying, you'll find someone eventually (hopefully sooner rather then later) You sound wonderful so I imagine it will happen sooner then you probably feel it will.

  • I would love to have a woman like you because of the great things you did for him and I'd at least be straight up show you some respect based on the dedication that you had.

    Having to say this I believe a relationship should be about equality. If I was helpful to my girlfriend I'd expect something from her in return.

    If I feel that If I'm not satisfied communication is key though in this case it didn't work out with you and with the countless times you had arguments I think it was safe that you had left him.

    Whether you still had love for him let it be a good forgettable memory but you deserve someone better, who'd understand your dynamic and only then will there be equality in the relationship where once you do stuff he will do the same if he truly cares about you.

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    • That was a great answer. I do usually get taken for granted... And I think the guys here are right, it's because I'm too affectionate... But I like to go out of my way to do things for my man, that is how I show my affection. I'm a spontaneous and romantic woman...

    • I'll definitely find a guy who appreciates me one day :3

    • Being affectionate is beautiful though too me I think It's best to find a guy who appreciates it of course. No worries you'll find em for sure!

  • Sometimes some people take others for granted when they're spoiled and get used to being spoiled. Over time when you do the same thing for him, he gets accustomed to it and it doesn't seem special anymore. It becomes something you just do for him.

    Every person looks for different things in a relationship. We're all pieces of a puzzle and maybe you're just not the right piece for him and he is not for you.

    Have a serious talk with him. Communication is key.

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  • I think you are like the perfect girlfriend one can ever get... You are kinda everything i went in a girl...
    But the problem here is they the guy you are with doesn't realize what he has today..! Because he if the typical douchbag and a jerk... (No offense)...
    But i think you should dump him...
    There are other good guys who deserve you... And you deserve better too!!!
    I hope you realize what i am trying to tell you..

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  • Your picking the wrong type of guys

    Half of the reasons successful relationship work, is the right match.. not the guy who you 'want' to be your right match

    It either flows or doesn't... in your case it didn't

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  • dear, just prepare yourself to leave him.

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  • Love your user name its like that in life the good and the bad try finding a nice guy plenty around

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What Girls Said 3

  • He knows what you have to offer is better than what he's trashing you about. If he cannot or will not remain loyal to you then he really isn't worth the effort to try keeping a relationship going. Let him go, there are tons of guys who would love to be the loyal, loving man in your life. Don't ever lower your standards for any guy you'll get less than you deserve in the long run.

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  • I don't think it's a guy thing or anything. I think it's just a bad-people thing.

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  • Because he can get away with it :/ put your foot down!

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