How can I tell if my boyfriend is still not over his ex?

My boyfriend and I have been together for about two months now. It may be just me being paranoid, but I keep getting the feeling that he's not over his ex. He just got back home from Iraq, and I was introduced to him through his cousin online a couple weeks before he got home. Since he's been with me, he's mentioned his ex just a couple times. However, every time he mentions her he always has bad things to say about her. He's called her an evil b****. When we were out shopping one night we ran into his ex's dad. My boyfriend asked about her first thing even before he said hi. They got to talking about her and my boyfriend told her dad that she would dump her boyfriend just like she dumped him. He's also told me that he was going to propose to his ex after he got back home. He told me she broke up with him right after he got to Iraq and within a month she had a new boyfriend. That was about a year ago. His mother told me that he had a very, very hard time with that. One day when I was looking at his Facebook page I found some messages that he sent her that read "I love you so much baby" but they didn't have any responses. Those messages were from two months before we started talking.

He's told me that he hates talking about his ex's and he would rather me not bring his or my ex's into our relationship. He's told me he loves me and he constantly says it. He's also said that he's never felt the same way he feels about me about another girl before. We've talked about our future together and about having kids. He's also started looking for rings (even though this is supposed to be a surprise, but I know anyway :p ) and he's asked me my ring size. He's also trying to get a new house soon. Also his mother told me that the other couple of times that he's come home for leave he was so depressed that he wouldn't talk to her at all and he would get enraged over small stuff. But this time when he came home he's been happy pretty much the whole time. I mean there's been a couple times when he's been a little depressed and he's had a few small fits but he hasn't cut off the rest of the world.

I just can't help but think sometimes, though, that maybe I'm the rebound girl and he's just using me to wait until his ex breaks up with her current boyfriend. Like I said before I might be paranoid. My boyfriend is very close to me and we spend all our free time together. And in fact, I talk about my ex's more than he talks about his, but I'm still scared that if she came back to him he wouldn't even hesitate to be with her again. This terrifies me because I'm in love with my boyfriend and I don't want to be hurt like I was in the past.

I'm sorry if II may be running in circles, but that's really how my emotions are going right now. I love my boyfriend so much and I know he loves me. I just can't stand the thought of my boyfriend leaving me for his ex. So what are some signs I need to look out for? Thank y'all so much for any input given


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  • I am going to be very honest with you. I see some red flags here that I want to share. I am not sure how long he dated the ex but I don't think he is over her. Here is why I say this: He saw her father and the first thing he asked was about her. If he hates her and has moved on, then who cares how she is? The second thing is how quickly he is moving with you- discussing a ring, marriage, a home and children? You both have only been dating 2 months. IMO, I don't think that is adequate time to assess if someone or if a relationship encompasses a life long commitment.

    I think he is definitely angry with her for sending him a Dear John letter while he was overseas. Moreover, they were pretty serious if he was going to propose when he returned home. I think he still cares for her and is utilizing you as a rebound. He is substituting what he lost when she terminated the relationship. It just seems unfeasible that he can heal and move on in healthy fashion so rapidly.

    I hope you see what I am driving home. Good luck.


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