Will being friends with an ex get them back?

My ex and I broke up 2 months ago. I was having a bit of a self esteem issue and would make him validate that he really did love me. Well enough was enough and it hurt him too much so he broke up with me. Since then I've worked on the area of concern. We are beginning our masters at the same school. We've been texting and so far this has what's been said, him "He wants to make sure I really am doing better and have the self esteem I deserve before even considering having a relationship again and it's not a guarantee that we would date in the future. " He said he'd really like to be friends and once we're moved and settled in we can grab coffee. I do want to try again. I do want to give us another chance. I think if love was there then it's worth it. What do you think?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The problem here is your going into this with the intent to get him back. That doesn't prove your better, it proves you are pretending. Be his friend, and actually be his friend, not just pretend while trying to get him to take you back. If you can handle being friends after a time then you can see if things can move from there.

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    • Thank you! This is exactly what I needed to hear :) You are absolutely right.

    • Glad I could help. Hope things go well.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • Reuniting a former relationship rarely leads to a successful relationship, butif you don't try, you'll always wonder what might have been, so go for it . . . but don't expect too much.

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  • If he says he wants to be friends it means he at least subconsciously wants sex with you. That's a minimum. It could mean he is interested in a relationship again but in no way guaranteed. The only thing you risk by trying is rejection. Good luck

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  • If he can have a change of heart

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  • I wouldn't bother you will only get hurt :/

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  • it's mostly not worth it. when a guy makes up his mind sometimes it is permeant.

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What Girls Said 5

  • No. That thing you call "low self-esteem" was actually your guts telling you that he doesn't love you. Our intuition is a powerful thing that steps in when our heart and mind are lost and confused. Never doubt your intuition! It was not your fault, he really did NOT love you, your intuition was right. If he did, firstly he would never make you doubt, and secondly he wouldn't dump you. The way you feel is typical after the breakup, you are not the first one to think that it was your fault, most of us dumpies go through the same thing. I'm not sure how far you went with accusing him for not loving you, but even if he did love you and it really was your insecurity that made him lose interest, it's still a red flag that he doesn't make you happy. Don't stay friends with him, it will hurt you even more. He will get comfortable with just being friends and will enjoy and think "why would we get back together when I have everything I want just the way it is right now?". For him to want back he needs to NOT have you at all, in order to miss you. It's like for example if someone is offering you a free chocolate every day, why would you want to buy it then? My opinion is if you really want him back and no one can convince you otherwise, the only way that MIGHT work is to higher your self-esteem by being a bitch a to him. I'm not joking. Just raise your head high and walk by him like a queen. Smile and ignore him. And I literally mean ignore him! No contact at all. Or at least a minimum contact if it's still too early for you to cut him off (by that I mean that you text him only when he texts you, but not every time). And when you do make sure he notices that you're happy and fine without him. But if he invites you do go somewhere you have to say no. Or say that you're busy. Make him chase you. If he doesn't, well then you got your answer. Anyhow, no contact works miracles! Both in getting them back and getting over them.
    It's been 5 months since my ex dumped me as well, and I was feeling exactly the way you do now. I stayed friends with him in hope he's gonna see the change and regret. He gave me false hope. Then he told me he likes being friends and that he doesn't want to get back together. It broke my heart all over again and I was back at start. I cut him off completely a month, I literally cried every day for 3 weeks. And I can tell you, I would rather cry for 3 weeks in crucial pain then be his doormat for who knows how long. I learned my lesson.

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  • I think that if you're going to do this, you have to be really cool - no demands, no insecurities and you're also going to have to be prepared for the possibility that he may start dating someone else. Could you really be friends with him if that were the case? If you really want him back it's vital that you are not clingy and that he can see that you are independent, happy and enjoying life without him, not sitting around hoping he will change his mind. It may be hard, but I'm sure you could do it.

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    • Thank you! I agree. Honestly, I couldn't handle him dating someone else. I'm pretty sure he knows that. He has discussed us possibly dating in the future if things are better but he wants to start as friends. I hope he's not seeing someone else... he's been texting me but he hasn't mentioned it.

  • Not a good idea to be friends with an ex because if you still love him it will only hurt you because you will always question everything he says to you and you may get false hope. Then say if he meets someone else then he will stop talking to you, and you will get hurt. I'm going through something similar with an ex and he wanted to be friends but it didn't work because he gave me false hope and strung me along and used me as security blanket then stopped talking to me. So just be very careful because you don't want to get hurt even more.

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  • No no no and no. I know right now everything in you tells you to keep in touch with him and show him that you're really worth it and that you really did change and that you really do care about him. But no, you should not and cannot stay in touch with him. He ended things, he is your ex. Staying friends with him will result in you having false hope and it will prevent you from moving on. Cut this guy off. Do it for your own sanity. You will just prolong your pain.

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  • it won't get him back.

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