I ruined the mystery by letting her know that I'm into her.

Hey everyone,

let me make this story brief. there is this girl I used to date while I was 16 and things went a bit bad because I was a bit too into her. After her I had a lot of other dating experiences and I changed as a person. We finally met again in summer 2009 when I went back home for vacation. We spent a lot of time together but nothing sexual happened. She is the only girl I'm not really looking at her for sexual reasons and she doesn't give that vibe. in other words she is a bit uptight when it comes to things we usually enjoy with girls. For me its a plus though because those girls are a bit rare to find these days and I need something bigger than only sexual attraction. After the summer ended I traveled back to Canada and I asked her if we can be together. She was like she doesn't want to lose me over a long distance relationship and that she does have feelings for me and what not but she is really sure we would lose each other if we did this long distance bull crap. I rushed into being with her because my fear is for her to find someone else so I tripped balls a bit. Anyhow I struggled to keep in touch with her while I was there and now I'm back Home and when I messaged her she didn't sound that excited of my presence. The thing is she waits for me to do all these moves and I'm not sure what would happen if I stop. I texted her and she was out of town till monday and I'm not sure if I should be calling her on monday or just waiting to see if she would approach me . I wouldn't be that concerned if she didn't mention that she had feelings for me but I do know that girls tend to lie and play games. What do you guys think I should be doing ? she keeps me hanging and she is the first one to be doing this to me. I can't act cocky when it comes to her and that's what is the problem. I know you ladies won't be interested if you know a guy is interested in you. I ruined the mystery by letting her know that I'm into her. Let me leave the advice to you guy. your help and honest feedback is appreciated thanks ladies

Updates:
just to make things more clear I'm 21 currently

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Well that wasn't short by any means =P

    Here's what I noticed:

    - Things didn't work out, so you both took a LONG time to reconnect

    - You both kicked it off great and re-established the spark (it was never gone fyi)

    - You stayed in touch and moved back to your home town, then moved back "home"

    - She didn't seem as thrilled as she did "before" (about you relocating closer)

    - She is busy till monday.

    Hmm okay! *Puts on superman cape*

    - Here's the catch. She told you before and it was very discrete, but she was worried! Think about it, she specifically stated that she didn't want the long term relationship because she was "scared" that it wouldn't work (maybe not in those words; however, it still applies).

    So here is the benefit - she likes you... alot.

    She is looking for things to work out, and she has her own priorities (whatever she is doing till Monday) which gives you the benefit to do one of those random unpredictable things; however, you have been doing a lot of that lately - in showing your affection to her. Girls like that when it's from the person they want! Quit believing the stereotypical bullsh*t and proceed. She loves you, I can feel it from across the internet. I don't need a PhD to see that one.

    Do something sweet when she comes home - but don't try to make it "perfect" otherwise it'll seem superficial. Give the "moment" some thought but not enough to over-emphasize your passion for this woman.

    (Example: [Scenario - she is coming home from a stressful holiday vacation, by traveling])

    - Buy her favorite lotion and give her a back massage

    ** BAM! everything else is taken care of, your spending time with her, interacting with her, and you gave it some thought in buying her "favorite" **

    Here is a --- BAD ---- Example (Same scenario):

    - You buy her favorite lotion, make her favorite dinner, and rent her favorite movie. You then cover the house with a bunch of flowers, write her a poem, and then you sing the poem to her.

    ** Whoops! Where is the interaction? Your giving, giving, giving but your not actually receiving anything in return to create attraction. INTERACT WITH HER. Don't throw away your money to make things "sweet". This woman wants you - not materialistic crap, or false hopes and dreams*

    Need more info / advice? Give me a hollar amigo ;D

    Best regards,

    ArtistBBoy

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    • Hahaha, I like the positivity but things don't always turn out that way. The thing is that I'm a bit confused about if I wait for her to call me on monday or I just keep in touch with her from now till monday ? or maybe just call her on monday.. what if I don't keep intouch ? I'm doing all the work here what I need to know if I stopped will she proceed or give it a try ? I'm staying here for 9 days only and its going to make me furious if she fails to interact because then id base her words as lies

    • Give her a reason to call!

      Examples:

      1) "Hey sweetheart, I hope the trip is going well - give me a call when you get this" (Voicemail / text)

      2) "I have something for you, are you coming home?" (Conversation with her on phone)

      3) "I miss you" (Text)

      etc

      By giving her a reason to call, and not worrying so much about how your doing - you will get what you're looking for, and make her thrilled.

      Things may not always go as planned, but you can always influence the situation ;-)

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 4

  • What!?! Why would we lose interest after finding out a guy is interested? This is what we STRIVE to achieve and know. It's aggravating when we don't know where we stand with a guy and HE plays games. (Yes, I acknowledge girls are guilty of this too.) Pursue her. You admitted that you faltered to do this because you were away. If you want her then make it happen. Once the ball is rolling then she should reciprocate with contacting you as well as planning get togthers. It should not be your sole responsibility.

    Good luck.

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    • BULLSEYE!!!111OneOneone!!!1

      G.E.G. has hit the nail on the head ;D

    • Hey greeneyedgal, guys are often incredibly frustrated when numerous experiences confirm the fact that, yes, girls DO lose interest when a guy confesses his feelings. We don't know why the hell it happens. But I acknowledge that there are nice, sophisticated girls who won't lose attraction for something so silly--they just seem to be too few and far between.

    • Sonic- It happens with guys too and I know that you know this. Case in point, I expressed an interest in a guy and I knew it was mutual because he asked me out. Then, he mysteriously disappeared and I never heard from him again. This is the EXACT reason I have abandponed dating.

  • i just want 2 say that girls like it when they know the guy is really interested in you. We don't care about mystery ok if you are into her she should be thrilled to know that. THat is EXACTLY what we want to know. That's what we want to hear from guys so it shouldnt be a mystery.

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  • What do you mean by 'too interested in her'? Did she tell you this , or are you assuming -- Never assume. :-)

    Also, I gotta say, I DEFINITELY like it when a guy I LIKE is interested in me, when I know he is it is great, all the mystery that SHOULD be there is.. the mystery of getting to know some one you feel like you could LIKE. So don't worry about taking away needless complication - Life ah enough mystery , without trying to create it, by being deceptive.

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  • Well I think she is just using that as an excuse! Well I think you should try to test her and see if she does really have feelings for you!

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    • Maybe maybe not, Just to inform you how confusing this situation is. when I first traveled (before I asked her to be with me) she used to keep sending me messages about keeoing touch etc etc... this is the thing when I opened to her things are going under her control. She is tiring to be honest and I'm not that kind of guy who is very patient. I already swallowed my pride for a while and I'm not the kind to be doing that much

    • Your advice is wisdom - but by feeling out the scenario as a test, she will catch on to it and be royally p*ssed.

    • Well maybe she likes taking control as it seems, well spill your beans and just be blunt to her about your feelings, I mean if you truly feel the way that you feel about being with her and all, its better to take the risk than regret it later!

What Guys Said 2

  • First of all about your title change? HAHAHAHAHAAHAH!

    Now down to business.

    1) Girls don't lose interest when they discover you're into them. This is a myth. Girls are either ALREADY interested, or not.

    They lose interest when you become needy, creepy, or boring.

    The number one reason I tell guys NOT to share such feelings is because they're in a NEW relationship. The best way to keep the tension (attraction) active is by being slightly aloof, mysterious and hard to read. This keeps you on her mind.

    Once she's hooked and REALLY into you, then it's okay to spill your guts (this doesn't give you permission to become a crying wussy pants. Being honest is one thing, but being a needy emotional vampire is another.)

    2) Don't backwards rationalize your lack of sexual escalation with crap like "She is the only girl I'm not really looking at her for sexual reasons...For me its a plus though because those girls are a bit rare to find these days and I need something bigger than only sexual attraction"

    You're being different with her because she's giving you real roadblocks, so you're rationalizing this behavior as "good" instead of seeing it for what it is.

    Here's a hard truth - all women want sex and intimacy, they just might not all want it with you.

    If you want this girl HOOKED on you, then I suggest you sleep with her as soon as possible. Once a girl like this opens up, she becomes obsessed.

    All she needs is to trust you (always be honest), to be highly attracted to you (be attractive, fun, and slightly mysterious) and to ultimately feel safe (being honest, reliable, and transparent are the quickest ways for her to trust you.)

    Just realize that once you open this box, you best be prepared for the long haul. Don't "hit it then quit it."

    If SEX is too much, then at least have her hooked on other forms of sexual intimacy. Kissing, touching, etc. If you're not spending time together doing girlfriend/boyfriend stuff, then you're already in the "friend's zone."

    Read this to escape that fate: link

    3) Stop being needy. She isn't "leaving you hanging" she's simply being attractive. Do the same thing, and she'll be eating out of your hand. Not sure how to be attractive? Read this: link

    Good luck dude, and let us know how it goes...

    ~ Robby

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    • Hahaha bro when I say she DOESNT want anything sexual that means SHE DOESNT want anything sexual till marriage. I know her since we dated all we did is kissed. She dated after me too and all her boy friends left her for one reason. lack of getting something sexual from her. I'm a straight forward guy, id say it that she is sex blocking my ass but she isnt. that's the way she is horny or not horny she controls her hormones very well. anyhow some of your advice is appreciated.thanks bro

    • All of his advice is appreciated O_O this dude has always been, and will always be - my favorite "go to guy". His advice hasn't failed me yet - he speaks from the heart - and he says things at "face value" rather than sugar coating sh*t.

      If your going to follow anyone's advice - it's this guy IMO ;-)

    • First of all, thanks so much ArtistBboy!

      Secondly, you just might be right about her waiting till marriage...it's rare but possible.

      This doesn't mean you can't connect with her intimately in many other sexually satisfying ways. It just takes massive attraction, deep rapport, and instant intimacy. Google those terms and you'll be adding weaponry to your arsenal. But that's only if she's so completely amazing that she's worth the effort.

      It also helps if you're dating other women by the way.

  • c'mon man I think you know what's happening and don't want to face it. You've dated before and she broke it off because you liked her to much? Am I missing something here. If a girls likes you she should be happy not freak out. She should want to make things work. She probably found someone else close to her and is no longer interested in you. Where the hell did you get the "ruined the mystery" line. Do you read cosmo or something.

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