I can't stop crying. Why can't I stop?

It's been 4MTHS sometimes I still wake up at 2am and start crying! I'm so sick I'm beginning to hate myself for letting this affect me so much! I still think about this man everyday. He left me because of a stupid argument or maybe lost feelings or using me for emotional reasons. I don't know the exact reason he's just stupid! I acted a complete fool after the breakup and I see others around me happy in their relationships and getting married, their boyfriends honoring and loving them and expressing his love etc and every time I see them I get depressed and resent him so much! I hate him for doing this to me but I still love him. How is this possible.. I just want to move on! I'm so depressed.. How could he have this much control over me!!! He really deceived me, we were so in love just two days before our breakup and out of no where he gave up so easily.. I'm embarrassed ashamed, regretful, hurt, disappointed, depressed.. All these negative emotions because of him. I wish I never met him. I feel so worthless
I can't stop crying. Why can't I stop?
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