Guys, how did/would you deal with the end of a long term relationship?

Guys, how did you deal with the end of a long term if you was the ONE who ended it, if the girl meant a lot to you, say after 3 years of living together, being engaged and bringing up a child for 3 years as your own and you had only just booked your wedding with her... would you be able to date someone in a matter of 5/6 weeks after you and her broke up? Or would you be able to go back to an ex from before her?

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  • I broke off a 5 year relationship with two children involved. A year and a half passed before I considered a new partner, and found that I still wasn't ready. 2 to 3 years would be a reasonable time before dating someone else, not 5 to 6 weeks. Since it is a short amount of time, it might be a rebound relationship, or maybe he was already seeing that woman while in a relationship with you. I guess the answer to your question would be no, not after 5 to 6 weeks, unless I was in rebound, which can be a difficult thing to avoid sometimes if the emotional conditions are right.

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    • Does it change the rebound theory that this girl is his ex?

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    • Even though he's now involved with her child? .. could that still be rebound? Him meeting her child after the bond he had with my son for 3 years seems so soon...

    • The child doesn't play into it much when rebounding. It is unfortunate that you and your child got hurt by this. Usually rebounds don't last long because there is no solid foundation, or the relationship is poor quality, and rebounds with ex's usually end for the same reasons their initial relationship ended, only now there is another child involved. How unfortunate.

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What Guys Said 33

  • I think it would take me maybe 2 weeks before I would consider dating again. However, I wouldn't be able to date anyone "seriously" for quite a while - not because of any painful thing or whatever, but because if I wanted to deal with serious dating I would have just stayed in the relationship.

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  • That seems kind of fast for someone who was engaged. But I've learned that people vary a lot on this. I don't think it necessarily reflects on the other person.

    "Or would you be able to go back to an ex from before her?"

    I really don't want to give this answer. But in truth, if I went back with an ex, I think it would mean I never got over her in the first place. That's a hypothetical situation though, so I'm guessing.

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    • This ex he went back to is from 2007 time. . He's had quite a few relationships since her.. including me of 3 years? So him not being over her makes no sense.. she's also got a 6 year old with someone else..

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    • Yea. He's taking the easy way out. I don't think I need to ask if your son asks about him. I think I already know the answer.

      Anyway, I need to go to bed. If you want to post more I'll get it in the morning.

    • Yeah my son misses him terribly how my ex hasn't missed my son is beyond a mystery. Upset me a lot this girl who he's now got with this ex of his has a son a few months older than my little boy, I thought that would of been hard on him making him think even more of my son but he seems to not care, he can't really of cared about my son that much can he

  • Let it go !! There's nothing you can do to stop it, i broke up with mine 10 years ago to be with someone else. And i told her that i was leaving and we got back together 3yrs after that relationship ended, but that's the best thing to do if he/she is going to leave let them leave.

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  • Nah. I get tempted to rebound because I have/always had many female friends but that would just ruin even more than one relationship.

    I just sit in a corner and drink away my sorrows. Till I can't.

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  • i haven't been in this situation yet but for now i guess i would just continue visiting the strip clubs once more. but then again this is me as right now i think i'm the only guy that love doing these types of things

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  • Breaking up is never a spontaneous decision. By the time the words are said and the luggage packed, my mind would have long checked out of the relationship.

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  • Seriously, I was with her for 10 years and we split up. It took me 1 month to get into bed with other women. But usually when relationships are breaking, you already over it while you are together.

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  • Well my last relationship lasted 3 years, I was the one who broke it off. This was almost 2 years ago and I still can't date anyone else, I just don't feel anything for anyone anymore.

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  • to be honest, a LTR that ends, it would take me a really really really really long time to get over her...30 minutes is a long time...

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  • I was depressed for one week, kept thinking about her for another week and then I moved on. Thats it. If you have a child with him it makes things too complicated.

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  • Neither. Last time I ended a long term relationship, I didn't get back into the game for months.

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  • It is called a rebound. After a significant loss, even when you are the on that chose to end it, there is an emotional hole, something that feels empty. You can feel very alone and even not feel very well about yourself and your chances at finding someone else.

    Finding someone else quickly fills that void, even if it is just being with someone temporarily. Previous Ex's are generally require the least amount of effort to get things going again with, and you already know that they find you attractive enough to date.

    Sorry, what you said happened makes complete sense to me.

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    • He seems so happy though? And he met her child pretty quick? He is even having days out with her and her child already?

    • @Asker Just because he may be on a rebound doesn't mean it isn't making him happy.

  • If it wasn't my kid but just hers it might be easy so yeah 5/6 weeks isn't that long

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  • I had been married 22 years and it ended. I went out on a few dates, but did not pursue anything for almost 2 years.

    I had been together so long with my ex, that I needed to be on my own again and enjoy some of the things about being single again.

    Everyone thinks they need someone and the sooner the better, however, there are a lot of good things about being single and free! I did some things that I always wanted to do... that I know I could never do if I was attached! They were some of the best times of my life.

    However, I have been with my girlfriend for little more than year and there is not a day that goes by that I so glad I met her.

    My advice is not to make rash decisions... everyone thinks they need someone especially after 30. The best thing you can do is take your time and find the right person... not one from your past, not the one nearest to you, but the one that makes for the best fit!

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    • Do you think my ex made a rash descion?

    • Absolutely... you just can't get over someone that quickly that you shared 3 years of your life with. I would think he is not looking at any long term relationships right now and it was a spur of the moment thing if he does hook-up with someone.

      It all depends... if he goes back to an ex, then most likely he had been thinking about her for awhile, potentially while he was with you.

      I am not sure why people go back to their ex's, if it failed the first time then what has changed?

    • He didn't go straight to her though, he spoke to loads of girls when we first split up including 3 of his other exs, maybe this ex was the easy option?, he didn't leave and go straight to her

  • I don't know, I've been married for 10 years and I'm about to fucking bail.

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  • No, I wouldn't be able to. I can't get my head around the thought of it

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  • keep him as friend but never try to involve in love with him again

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  • If i was the one that was dumped, id probaably take a long time griefing, a good few months.

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  • Depends on the guy some get over it in a day or 2 some take years

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  • I couldn't.. not after a long term relationship.

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    • Then how did he find it so easy?

    • I really don't have a good answer to that. I'm sure I would be pretty upset if it was done to me. I can't really speculate as to why he's doing it to you.

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