I'll call it "The Blind Side" break up. Basically we were together for 3 years and it never even crossed my mind that he is not happy. He always seemed so happy with me. And I was happy too. I loved him and I thought he loves me too since he said it milion times and proved it milion times more. Then one day, out of nowhere, he just said that he thinks he doesn't love me anymore and that I am not the one. That he has been thinking about it and trying to shake the feeling off, but that it wasn't getting better. He said it's nothing that I've done, that I am amazing, but that I am not what he wants. He assured me it wasn't no one else, that he just wants to be single.
It came off as a huge shock to me and my self-esteem was ruined completly. I keep thinking if maybe he told me sooner and we talked about it, maybe we could've fix it.
If he was the one writing here I am sure all of you would not blame him and would encourage him that he did the right thing, but why can't I just accept it and do the same too? I can't seem to move on without hating him. I'm having a battle between logic and emotions. How do I get my self-esteem back without thinking about him as a loser? I'm trying to be mature enough and to forgive and forget him, because I know he never meant to hurt me and that he feels like crap, but I simply can't. Do I have the right to be mad at him and think low of him? It's the only thing that helps me going through the day.
One guy here posted something similar that my ex would say and I just told that guy that he is a jerk, I couldn't give him a good opinion. It made me feel even wrose that there are people like my ex, and double worse that a lot of people posted positive opinions on that guy's question. I feel I can't have empathy when it comes to just "realizing your SO is not what you want" after years being together. I want to punch those people in their faces. And when people ask me about my ex I start trash talking about him.
Most Helpful Guy
I would say you are allowed to be angry because he didn't share his feelings with you. He was honest in the end, but all the time he spent battling his own emotions he was basically deceiving you, and THAT hurts.
I wouldn't say he's a loser, but he most certainly does deserve your anger for not letting you be part of something that was critically important to your relationship. He acted childishly, and as a result of that hurt you badly.
He hadn't grown up yet. This was not the relationship you needed. Use this insight and experience to make yourself stronger, and you _will_ come out better in the end.0THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE
Most Helpful Girl
I'm on day 3 of my break up where I was also blind sided. We weren't together as long as you two were... Only 7 months but it still hurts regardless and is the worst breakup of my life so far. I'm struggling just as much with self esteem. But I'm telling myself that this has to happen and I have to go through this pain in order to find my right man. My ex just wasn't my right man even if I thought he was. There is someone better out there who will appreciate me and love me even better. It's not the end of the road and you will find someone again. No need in being angry about your ex because he is human and can't help that he just doesn't feel the chemistry anymore. That doesn't mean anything is wrong with you! It means you are wrong FOR him and that you are in the wrong relationship. Your right fit is still out there. But your ex wasn't that right fit.
Journaling has helped me a lot as well as forums like loveshack. com and enotalone. You can consider those options for helping you cope. I am also going to start therapy tomorrow to help me so that is another option for you.0THIS IS NOT RELEVANT ANYMORE