How to break up with someone slowly?

I want to break up with my boyfriend. I have attempted it more times than I can count on my fingers over the course of a year.
But when I try to explain to him that I think we are different, and that he would be happier with someone else, he just doesn't accept it. He says, 'Well I don't want to leave you so what are you going to do about it?'
He gets angry. He gets grabby. He tells me I have to answer all his calls so he knows where I am and if I leave the house, he'll flip it. All while we've broken up. He says that if I talk to any guys, he'll bash them and me. He turns it all on me, tells me I used him and I'm a player and I never loved him.
I know it's all a tantrum, so I just roll my eyes and end up giving up.
The normal break up approach isn't working. Many of you will say to just call the police, but I can't do that. With his history, it will mean jail time for him. I can't live with that. So how do I break up with im slowly, while protecting his feelings? Maybe over a week?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm not entirely certain whose feelings you're trying to protect, yours or his. You need to have some backbone. No one can force you to be in a relationship with them, so you really need to find your backbone because he sounds like someone you really need to get away from. I'm not saying you need to call the police, but he's trying to bully you into staying, which is only putting an emotional drain on you. It's abuse. There is no slow way of doing it. You need to just text him, tell him it's over and he needs to move on. And then that's exactly what you need to do. Block his number, cut him off of social media. Then when he starts to come around you tell him that you will call the police if you need to protect yourself. If you want to be in a relationship with him, stop trying to break up with him, but if you really want to break up, you owe it to yourself to stop being harassed and guilted into staying.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You have Not been strong enough with him here, dear. Instead, you have been Giving in, been very lenient lamb and on top of This... An Enabler for him to have the Upper hand with this man.
    End the madness and end the fight. He has to be Told that you are Not happy in this relationship anymore, it is Not working for you, and if he doesn't Understand this, then perhaps a Restraining Order to stay as far as away from you as he can, will Do the Tough loveTrick.
    He has this Bold Hold over you, sweetie, and is Mistaking your Kindness for Weepy Weakness. He knows you will Fold every time down the love line and that No matter what he says or does, you will Fall for it.
    If you feel the Split might be better Off doing it on the phone, then make the call soon. It just Might be best from the rest to push his buttons on the other side, rather than face him down with His... Tantrum.
    You have to Quit Rolling and bowling him over. He is a dog who Needs to Learn New tricks.
    Good luck and no backing down. xx

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What Guys Said 3

  • I don't get it, why is it that you "have attempted it more time than I can count" like really? girl he doesn't own you. if you say its over then its fucking over.

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  • To break up with someone sloooowwwly is to say.

    "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANT
    TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
    BREEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK
    UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP."

    I can't think of a slower way to dump someone imho...

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  • Talk to your friends and his friends about it.

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What Girls Said 3

  • Whether you break him with him slowly or quickly, I don't think it would make a difference in his reaction.
    He seems controlling and possessive.
    Although verbally say, you want to break things off you still stay with him.
    How can he take you seriously?
    You need to show action... and actually go through with it.
    Ignore what he says, and do what you feel is best for you.

    Do you both live together?
    If so, given that circumstance I can see how breaking up would be even harder.

    Do you both live separately?
    If so, you already have that feel path because you live on your own.
    -Ignore his advances to get back with you.
    -Ignore his phone calls.
    -If you feel your life is in danger call the police and get a order of protection against him.

    Do what you have to do to benefit yourself.

    You are allowing your boyfriend control, and as long as you give that to him he will continue to dictate your life.

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  • Damn. Sounds somewhat like my ex. And, yeah, I used to say I was worried about him going to jail too. Guess what, you have to start thinking about yourself. You're just making things worse for yourself if you allow him to control your actions like that. Yeah, it will get worse before it gets better. He will fight back when you break it off. Just be strong. He will eventually give up. You can file a restraining order too. It may not stop him immediately, but it will eventually.

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  • I don't see why breaking up with him slowly would work if all the other attempts to get rid of him have failed. Do you live together?

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