Most Helpful Guy
Your behavior is actually pretty normal. And how you feel is also very standard (not that it helps to hear that). The truth is, people need to always be working towards a better situation. He isn't for you, clearly breaking up was what needed to happen. But that doesn't make you wrong to still feel those feelings of deep love while at the same time of knowing that the situation and relationship is all wrong. You need to surround yourself with positive people who love you and compliment you often. A bright environment is also really good. Take long walks and talk to yourself in how you can feel better, no one know better than yourself. Go to the gym or work out at home. There are lots of options of feeling better. Eventually you'll find someone who will match with you and make you feel amazing. Don't depend on others to make you happy, you need to do that yourself. But make sure you are with happy people. Depression and anxiety are difficult, but not impossible, things to deal with. I'm cheering for you
Most Helpful Girl
I went through something similar. I wrote a long letter stating that I really wanted to work things out, I loved him, I wanted us to be there together as parents. He responded by telling me it was too late, because he was committed to the woman he cheated me with. After that, I realized that it was a waste of my time to try and work things out with someone who could be so utterly hurtful.
Your behavior is normal in this situation. Assuming you were together for quite a while, you've had the rug pulled out from underneath you and on top of that, it's not like you can just wallow when you have kids to take care of. Trust me, this is partly a good thing. Being forced to function help get you through by distracting you a little form the storm in your head for a short time. But hon, it's only been 3 months! I asked how long it would take, and everyone said a year. That proved true. You have to find your own routine again, process what you've been through and begin to form a new type of relationship with your ex as co-parents.
I know it feels gross now. I look back and cringe at how I acted back then. The crying to my mom, asking him to come back, and generally behaving the way I swore I never would, LOL. You can't predict these things. The only thing is to acknowledge that it's going to take TIME. Allow yourself that. If you can, do something nice for yourself. I treated myself to some high-end makeup. Seems silly, and don't go crazy with it, but a little "me time" or a treat can help.
Best of luck, and I hope that you will begin to heal when you're ready.