Was I right to dump her for this?

I was dating a nice girl who is about 20. Everything was going well.. until this happened. My friend told me my ex wasn't the angel I thought she was. He showed me a sex tape of her and her ex on the internet. After where I saw where her my mouth had been I was disgusted that I even kissed her. She tried to kiss me, but I didn't let her. I showed her the tape. She then told me her ex made me her do it. I didn't want her about it. I told her we were done and that she had an hour to pack her things and get out of my apartment. That was it. Would you do what I did?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I take this as You were Expecting a Virgin here, dear, Not Expecting her to have 'Done the dirty' with Anyone, not even an "EX" who along with your Now "EX," doesn't exactly Mark an X in your own softie spot.
    If you want an 'Angel,' good luck in finding one. However, if you see what she has done in the past that was no blast for you and lit your fury fire, I suggest that you keep her now at arm's length and out of your own harm's way because together, this relationship will never be healthy, just go down a bad beaten path and end up a War of the Roses every time.
    It's very hard today to find a St. Ann, and if you think you can, Good luck.
    I believe perhaps if you had gotten to really know her and cared enough about her, None of this would have mattered because you would have Entered into 'Unconditional' Heaven with her.
    Good luck. xx

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    • I don't expect any woman I date to be a virgin, nor do I care.

    • Then when something crops up with a girl with Her "EX" and it is online or off, you have to Expect that they had sex and all of that. xx

Most Helpful Guy

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What Girls Said 8

  • No one wants to see their SO like that, but you also shouldn't hold her accountable for her past. People all do things they regret, and in this day and age with technology to prevalant it's nearly impossible to have things such as a sex tape private. She wasn't smart for making one, but it's also possible that she was young and naive, trusted and loved the guy and he manipulated her in to making the tape, and went behind her back and put it on the Internet. If anything your friend was in the wrong for showing you the tape. He could have just told you about it and left it at that.

    If you really couldn't see past the tape you were right to break up with her. But in the future when you start dating again remember that everyone including you has a past, and may have done things they aren't proud of. But it's often a learning experience. We have to have regrets to grow. Life is a journey after all.

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    • The things she did and the things I saw made me literally sick. I can't believe I kissed her on the lips. I never want to see her again.

  • I think you were a little unfair. What she did in the past is not your business. Was she giving a blow job or something else? No matter, I think you are very shallow to dump her.

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    • Full on sex. Regardless of what you think, I know my boundaries. This was one of them.

    • My guess is that, unless you can find a pure, totally innocent virgin, who's never been touched, then you are going to end up beng a very lonely old man. It's only because you've seen it for yourself on a video that you know what went on.

      If you were to date me, you would have NO IDEA as to my sexual status! You would have to accept me for who I am, not what I've done or not done! If you couldn't accept me because you could never find the truth, I know I would be better off without YOU!

  • if you had no expectations of her to be a virgin and you did not care whether she was one or not, then why would you refuse to accept her past? everyone has a past, some not so great, others worse. ask yourself what you expect of a girl before you get into relationships.

    what if you were in her position? if you had a relationship with someone with full on sex, intimate or whatever, and somehow a tape of you was found and things between you broke up... the next person you fall in love with, would you feel sickened by your own lips for touching that person? how would you deal with yourself before you let another person into your life?

    yes, it's not easy seeing the one you like with another person in a certain way, but you were curious to see the tape too. you could have avoided it.
    it's about your level of acceptance of another person and of yourself. find your comfort zone and then think about relationships.

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  • Well did she make this tape while she was with you or before your relationship? If it was before your relationship sure it's alright to be disgusted that the video is on the internet but you can't be mad at her for doing stuff in the past if you weren't dating

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  • She was a slut. To have sex is one thing but to willfully agree to record for the eyes of others is something else.

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    • So she's a slut for possibly being pressured or forced to be in a sex tape? Are your priorities backward or did you completely forget that her douchebag ex boyfriend who filmed the tape betrayed her trust and put it on the Internet? And he was in the tape too... So what does that make him?

      You're giving men and jealous insecure women power by calling her a slut. We work hard to earn respect and we have sexual desires JUST LIKE MEN DO. I can't believe you do not notice the double standards here...

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    • And also did you know that over half the women who are raped in America don't report it? They are scared. They will be judged. The girl probably didn't even know that video was on the Internet. Have some compassion

    • @Wondahwoman Self-Projecting yourself in all cases that may not be remotely related to yours in terms of reasoning is not smart more in the lines of ignorance.

  • No one is perfect but you should have at least gave a couple of days to find a place

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  • Sooty but u sound a bit judgmental and maybe even a little naive. Girls can have pasts like guys. And if she says he made her do it he might have. One of those if u don't then I'm leaving types and she obviously wasn't with him anymore. But if u can't get past it fine. Then u were in the right. But srsly in this day n age of u don't want a girl with a past then find urself a virgin.

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  • You did the correct thing, but thrme next thing is to move on.

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What Guys Said 8

  • The tape? means you had the solid evidence right? so is she still telling you she didn't do it willingly, despite the fact it looks otherwise on tape?

    You're right to break up with her, you did the right thing.

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  • I think you overreacted a bit. I mean you two were living together and because of one sex act (I'm presuming a rimjob) you dumped her?

    I mean I get that it may be a big turn off to you, but it's not like she's tainted. I'd be shocked to learn my wife (again assuming you're talking about a rimjob) did that but I'd probably realize that it was in her past, whether she regretted it or not, and remind myself that I love her for who she is and not one isolated and rather harmless thing in her past

    BUT if it is that big of a deal to you then it's a big deal and that's your decision

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  • Well, I wonder how you'd feel if she had recorded you making out with her then sent it to your next girlfriend and your next girlfriend said "GASP HOW DARE YOU HAVE MADE OUT WITH A WOMAN BEFORE YOU KNEW ME *slap*" then left you forever.

    I think you made a horribly immature mistake.

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  • you over reacted

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  • I think you shouldn't have been as harsh about just kicking her out on the spot especially if she lived there but it's understandable if you just couldn't see past that video.

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  • You should have dumped that girl. You had every right to dump her like a rock.

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  • If you've never had sex with anyone else and were maintaining your virginity for the one, then you have every right to demand the same of your partner.

    But if not, then you're a fucking hypocrite and a judgmental prick (which you are in either case, imo).

    So there you go.

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  • I would of done the same mate, you have every right to, if she's gona be part of ur life her past should be your business, however you porbely could of been less harsh

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