How do you break up with a girl who has threatened to hurt herself if you went through with it?

I'm only with her because she's threatened the same thing in the past, and tried to go through wuth it once before.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • You cannot let this girl manipulate you into staying.
    What she is doing is wrong.
    She's controlling you more than you realize.
    I think you should break up with her and call 911 (if you feel she is serious about harming herself).

    Imagine, if you continue to fall victim to this woman you'll be with her for a lifetime.
    Is that what you want?
    To be miserable?
    For someone to have control over your life?

    Take back control of you.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • (still) being with someone because they threatened to harm themselves is not a reason to be with someone.

    It won't be easy to do but you have to leave, and anything that she does is her decision. You shouldn't feel guilty about it.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 18

  • You walk away as fast as you can because she's being manipulative, evil and clearly has mental problems

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  • Talk to someone close to her about her suicidal tendencies, warn them so they can get to her almost immediately, and the break up with her.

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  • My best guy friend is in the same situation. It's driving me nuts because he deserves to be happy and he isn't with her. It's total bullshit to place that kind of responsibility on someone.. She is NOT your responsibility. She is manipulating and controlling you with these threats and it's not OK. If you are truly worried that she will actually harm herself, you should contact her parents and forewarn them about the threats and that you will be breaking up with her.

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  • Just do it dude + quickly
    Don't EVER buy into her BS or be hijacked by disgusting emotional blackmail.

    I WAS u with many broken men who convinced themselves that I was their "everything"

    They are ALL still alive but still DO contact me via email.
    I just file their unread messages for future court evidence

    Much luck :) xo

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  • Been there. You break up with her because the relationship is no longer so much of a relationship as a command performance, and you leave her in the care of a friend or family member who will keep an eye on her. Good luck.

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    • What's a command performance?

    • If you feel like you have to pretend to still be her boyfriend because she's threatening to harm herself and trying to make you feel like it'll be your fault if she does, that's what I meant by a command performance.

  • dont be alone with her when u do it. please. be in a public area. be nice and polite. say how u feel.

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    • I can't tell her anything she doesn't want to hear without her either blowing up at me or breaking into tears and acting like I'm the bad guy for feeling any different about anything

    • Thats her problem dude, not yours.

  • I agreed with the below answers. Call 911 if you believe she is serious and they will take it from there. You can't let someone force you to stay with them because they are threatening to hurt themselves. That is HER decision, not yours. She is manipulating you into thinking that if she kills herself it is your fault.

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  • Honestly , I don't like manipulations.
    If you can, talk to someone who is close with her that can maybe comfort her after the breakup but just break up if the relationship isn't working out.

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  • One more reason to breakup.. do it fast and try to tell her family..

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  • That is a manipulation tactic and a sign of an abusive relationship. Dump her. Right NOW! Have her restrained if you must. She has no right to manipulate you like that.

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  • You take her to this really nice place called insane asylum and then walk -actually better RUN away! (also get a restraining order against her just in case) :)

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  • I feel bad for you 😞

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  • Just leave and dont turn back.

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  • OMG I am so sorry for you.

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  • tell someone about her issues.

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  • Just dump her. I can not stand this manipulate girls acting like this just for attention.

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  • Get her to break up with you. Be a total 💩💣 towards her.

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  • Then avoid her and seek for help.

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What Guys Said 22

  • It's quite easy.

    First, you remove all your stuff from her control or possession. So, if you have anything in her house, or anything on her computer or phone, remove it or delete it. Vice versa. If she has any "excuse" to come back into your life or make contact with you again, remove that excuse.

    Second, in a public setting close to public transportation or where you're both able to call a taxi or basically leave, you break the news to her.

    Third, if necessary, reinforce your original message with, "Later b*tch!" as you continue to leave.

    The End.

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    • I would also like to add the (emergency) option: Have a phone or tape recorder with you, or save text messages and e-mails where she "threatens to kill herself if you..." Then, basically collect and compile all those communications into an organized and very usable way. Then, take it to the police and report her as a danger to herself. Then, go speak to a family lawyer about filing a RESTRAINING ORDER or ORDER OF PROTECTION against her.

  • Leave her. She's being clingy an abusive. You're not responsible for her actions against herself. She has the choice to be a psycho abusive personality. It's not in any way your fault and she's gonna do it eventually anyway so you can't stay with her just cuz she's a loose canon.

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  • The advise Anonymous gave about her having mental issues is 150% correct. What she's doing is called emotional blackmail. As much as you don't want her to hurt herself, it would not be your fault. So NEVER blame yourself for HER actions. She needs professional help. Like as was advised, tell her close friends, parents, etc, what you're doing, what she told you she, was planning on doing, be nice about leaving, and walk away.

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  • That's a tough call.. I've been with a girlfriend who mutilated herself whenever she felt sad or we had a fight. When I figured the relationship was breaking me up I started to ask myself the same question.. What would she do when I told her I couldn't go on anymore.. Seeing as she had no problem cutting herself when we had a small tiff. I guess there's no real right or wrong answer here, what I did was break up with her not in a moment of anger but in a moment of quietness, and I stayed with her to comfort her and explain why we couldn't stay together without trying to blame her for it.. It helped me though that I could explain to her that breaking up was in both our interests even though we were both hurt and emotionally it felt like we were making the wrong decision because we still cared for each other.. It might help If you talk to one of her friends first though, so they can lend support the moment you leave her behind you.. The only option you do not have is going on in a relationship that is breaking you up. So try to find the way which will work best for you..
    Good luck...

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  • You break up with her as intended. Of course try to talk her out of killing herself, and even do an intervention if you feel she is dead serious.

    But if she does kill herself, you can't blame yourself.

    ------

    Yeah that sounded really douchey. But I don't care.

    Is it even MORE douchey for someone, to emotionally guilt their partner into staying in a relation, that the partner doesn't want to be in.

    -----

    Do what makes YOU happy in YOUR life!

    Always put yourself first.

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  • GTFO ASAP. Cut all ties completely and walk away.

    Call her family or 911 if necessary.

    I've been in a similar situation, not specifically over me ending things, but very similar and it blew up in my face. It's hard to suddenly let go completely, but you're being manipulated.

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  • Leave her. 90% of the time this is a scare tactic to make sure you stay with her. If it turns out she's being serious, well that's on her. It's not your responsibility nor your fault if anything happens. I would advise calling emergency services if you feel she's being absolutely serious though.

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  • Call her parents and tell them the dilemma that you are in. They will probably try to help.

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  • This is a difficult situation. I would suggest trying to get her psychiatric help, but know that you are not responsible for her actions. It isn't fair to practically hold someone hostage with threat of suicide, it isn't healthy for either of you. Try and get her help, but know you can leave this destructive relationship at any time.

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  • Forget about her and ignore it. If she wants to be an idiot and hurt herself, too bad for her pathetic self.

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  • Call her parents or something!

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  • I know what its like to be in her shoes, if she's threatening to hurt herself if you leave you need to have her see a counselor, therapist, or other mental health professional asap.

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  • Take her on a ride... to the hospital and admit her and then leave her.

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  • Wow, I feel bad for you, I don't know the reasons you want to break up with her in the first place, but she's doing a pretty evil thing right there.

    A tip, I don't know if this is a good one, but try to make her like you less before you break up with her, so she doesn't get as hurt.

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  • Fug'em, her mistake.

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  • You break up with her.

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  • Get away from her, dude! She's probably just bluffing anyway.

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  • You call her parents and tell them, call the police and tell them and then you leave.

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  • Chances are she's just saying that to manipulate you. And besides, if you're break up with her what do you care what she does?

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  • Break up with her anyway. If she harms herself, that's on her, not on you. Fucking let her do it.

    You shouldn't subject yourself to emotional abuse (which is EXACTLY what this is).

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  • You 51-50 her is what you do. Then you break up with her as the police are taking her away.

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  • She's guilt tripping you to stay in a relationship you don't really want to be in.
    She's clearly mental.
    I wasted 10+ years on crazy girl like that, and the drama never stops... ever.
    She needs professional help.
    Tell her parents and her friends what you're up to, and run and never look back.
    Don't let her control your life like that.
    Her mental disorder is not your problem.

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    • I'm close to that. This has been going on for a little less than 8 years.

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