His ex-wife is a narcissist and I can't take it?

Background first: I have been with my fiance for two years. He is divorced since 2012; the ex-wife took off with another man and got involved with "illegal substances". At that time their daughter was only 3 years old;(in my opinion she up and abandoned her). My fiance has had physical custody of his now 6 year old daughter ever since; although there is no "legal" custody order because she surrendered her rights to him. Fast forward to 2014 (2 years later) and the ex-wife comes back clean and wanting to be in her child's life. After positively making sure she was clean, he let her have visitation every weekend and one day during the week. The 6 year old also calls her every night before bed and we make sure that happens no matter what. He is afraid to go back into court out of fear of losing his little girl and I completely understand that.

Issue!!!: As long as I have known my fiance; this ex-wife has constantly texted and called (almost all day long!!!). My fiance and I both agree that it is really excessive and unnecessary. I will say that these "contact methods" never talk about anything inappropriate as far as her wanting him back or what not. But these texts are literally multiple novels about how he can't hide from her and how he will co-parent with her and talk to her anytime she wants. How she is a mother and deserves communication with him and she will not stop until she gets what she wants. My opinion is that she talks to her 6 year old everyday and unless it's a serious situation or emergency; there really is no need for my fiance and ex-wife to talk multiple times on a daily basis especially since she is beyond uncooperative. And also that she isn't entitled to anything but to see and talk to her daughter. 2 years later I am at my wits end!!! My fiance has definitely definitely tried every option to make it stop but with no success. Should I step in? What would you do? Any advice or input would help so much!


Most Helpful Guy

  • No, don't step in because it is out of your hands and only make things miserable for you only. What you should do is to try and ignore her. Other than that tell your husband/fiance that it you who he needs if he needs to talk about anything.
    The woman is at fault because she left him but don't punish him because he must think that you are also becoming tired of him. He has to deal it three ways, your happiness, his daughter's happiness and his ex wife. You should to be friends with his ex-wife. maybe she and you get along.

    • Thanks for the upvote but what happened. Did it really work out?

Most Helpful Girl

  • Don't step in. It isn't your place. And even if you step in with the best intentions you will look like the bad guy. It is very unwise to get involved in their issues especially when it involves a child. It doesn't end well. He chose to have a child with her and he has to put up with her until their daughter is at least 18. Support him and let him handle it. Any decision regarding her or their daughter is up to him.

    However if his ex wife ever DIRECTLY disrespects you... You have every right to stand up for yourself in regards to that matter. But only if the altercation involves HER and YOU.

    • Exactly why I haven't said a word to her! I mean she has my number for emergencies of course God forbid anything happened but I bite my tongue out of respect for my stepdaughter and my better half. I should continue to keep my mouth closed but its sooooo hard!!! Thanks for the input I really appreciate it!

    • My sister goes through it with her husbands ex wife. They have reached a point where they are almost friends. I don't know how she does it. I couldn't in her shoes. But she's told me it makes it easier for her husband and the kids. So I guess it makes her life better in the long run too.

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What Girls Said 1

  • I would set up boundaries and make it clear it's not ok. If she's starting a conversation with anyone other than her child or talking about anything besides that, then I would hang up on her


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