To break up or to keep trying?

We've been dating for almost a year and a half, known each other for 6 years. Been really close friends always, and have this deep connection that I can't even describe to other people. It's almost telepathic at times

he: does meth, deals, and is getting skinnier and skinnier by the minute.

I: have very severe depression and anxiety. And horribly self esteem.

We keep trying and trying to make this relationship work despite this issues, but they always seem to make us clash of get
in the way. Because I want to help him, and he wants to help me but we can't control one another.

We Are very deeply in love, but it's immesely painful love. And I would be numb and probably fall really badly without him. And so would he. We both are individually impulsive so to lose one another, we'd be quite broken as just human beings
Forgot to mention that with his addiction, it makes it so we don't go on dates anymore. He's too tired to do anytbing, but if it's his friends or his Dealers, he'll gladly go outside.

For example; today we were going to go to have a romantic day at the park. Instead he slept in super late, and said he alrwady has plans to go and sell his shit to people.

Our "dates" now consist of me sitting on the bed watching him smoking , then sex, then video games and sleep.


Most Helpful Guy

  • He doesn't make time for you, but he makes time for his friends and his dealers? That right there is a problem.

    "Our 'dates' now consist of me sitting on the bed watching him smoking , then sex, then video games and sleep."

    Is that the kind of relationship you want? If not, why are you still with him?


Most Helpful Girl

  • Love shouldn't be painful. It can have painful moments, but if it hurts all of the time, it isn't healthy (im preaching to the choir aren't I?) It sounds like you two have a classic case of codependency going on here... which is an extremely difficult situation to deal with, reverse and make healthy, or let go of.

    You are right about one thing though: you cannot control one another. He is going to continue being self destructive until he decides to stop, and so will you. But how much do you better one another's lives by being together? Love should make you strive to be a better person, and grow. To think about the other person before you make a poor decision and wonder not just how it impacts you, but them as well... and if he's getting this bad with drugs and dealing... I'm sorry to say but it doesn't sound like he's thinking about you all that much.

    Sorry to get personal here, but I'm just going to tell you a bit to show you I understand. I am a recovering drug addict. When I was using I did love people, but not as much as the drugs. not as much as the need to fill the void. Addiction is a very selfish disease. I used people I loved. Who loved me. And although I loved them I didn't have the capacity to REALLY love them the way that they deserved. It caused them pain. I couldnt keep promises, they couldn't rely on me for anything, they had to see my health and looks decline, and they had to wonder if they would get a phone call in the middle of the night saying I had ODed and finally kicked the bucket. My first love put up with it for years, until he had enough and left me... and it was the best thing anyone has ever done for me. It hurt a whole lot, I never thought I'd live with out him... but we were codependent on one another. He was like how you described yourself.. anxious, depressed, selfesteem isssues, but always wanting to help and love not just me, but anyone who needed it. He had to let me go so I could finally get help. It was hard for him too... he didn't know if I would get the help I needed or if the drugs would finally take over and kill me.. but he had to take the chance, as he was not helping me... and I was not helping him. We never got back together, but he remains one of my closest friends and supporters to this day. I still love him very much but more like family and non romantic now. We both found new relationships with different people and we are both in love, happy, and healthy. I know he is a soulmate of mine but we just dont

    • work together. And we love one another enough to wish them a happier and healthier ending even if it meant it would be with someone else. I am also happy that I believe we have more than one soulmate and I have found another.

      Anyway... codependency hurts. it winds up doing more damage to yourself and the one you love than good. Maybe you two need some time apart to grow and fix yourselves and who knows? Maybe you'll get back together. Because it doen't sound like its working too well now, or that you're very happy... if you were you wouldn't need to ask a bunch of random strangers. Im sorry this was so long. I hope I helped

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • You guys are perfect for each other. I hope you have a kid so he/she can great life with both of you as parents.

    • That was uncalled for. She's reaching out and asking for help so she can better her life and situation... that takes courage... you shouldn't knock someone for that. We are all on different journeys after all.

What Girls Said 1

  • I would break up, spend time to love yourself before loving others. It's hard to have a relationship with an addict. tell him to get help and focus on loving yourself! If you don't feel okay, what do you do? take time off and rest! If you have mental issues, what do you do? focus on fixing them, then you can reconsider your relationship. I've been depressed as well, but I got out of it and so can you! Try to see positive things in life, for example how beautiful the world can be! be helpful to others, smile, even if no one smiles back, you could've still made their day! I don't know your insecurities, but if it's weight related you can do something about it most of the times. I would love to talk to you about it if that's what you'd like.


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