He humiliated me by bringing up my social anxiety/awkwardness in front of his entire family. I'm upset but how should I react?

I have social anxiety, especially in unfamiliar groups and large crowds. Today at dinner my boyfriend was insisted by his family that he take me with him to a 21st party. He said no and went on to explain why; that he once took me to a 21st and i sat alone and awkward not talking to anyone and that he and others felt sorry for me, so he would be obliged to come and talk with me and this made his night less enjoyable and that I would not enjoy myself. So therefore he would never take me to another party, let alone to someones who I don't know. I am embarrassed by what he said in front of his family and also because they were shocked that he would be so rude to me in such a setting. How should I react? I'm really upset but if I tell him this I know that it will become an argument and he will just say he was being honest because that is how I am. Our arguments tend to only be brief because I can't hold on to angry feelings and because he never takes them seriously.


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  • Maybe there's something I don't really understand here but I just don't see this as rude? I suffer from anxiety myself and would be happy knowing that my partner is aware of it and willing to explain it to those who don't understand. Obviously I can't speak for you but like I said, I don't understand what he did wrong here. He was just honest to his parents, told them that the both of you would have a bad time at the party if you were there because you have social anxiety, and because he would feel bad over the fact that you feel bad. How is that rude? What should he have told them instead, in your opinion? Should he have taken you to the party anyway, despite knowing it would make you uncomfortable?

    • It was also the way he said it as well. He asked for his siblings to listen then very loudly said it. I didn't appreciate it because his entire family including nieces, nephews were there and some of them think i am weird already. As for the family dinner it is an already large crowd and the fact that he drew everyone's attention to me to say that, upset me. It would have been nicer if he said that I already have another event to go to (which i did) just to his sisters or said that i don't like crowds rather than say to everyone that I am someone that people just pity when at parties. As for going to parties with him sometimes I do want to go, especially when it is one of his friends I know, but he tells me not to come because I'm awkward.

    • Alright. Well if his family isn't understanding of your condition and think you're weird for it, then that's their problem and not yours. It's unfortunate that he explained it in a way that made you uncomfortable but there's not much you can do about it now. It's better that he was completely honest about it instead of just saying you had another event to go to. At least they know now so nobody is going to bring it up again in the future.

      You can always tell him that you'd prefer it if he was less aggressive when explaining your situation, if the opportunity presents itself again in the future. Or better yet, let you explain.

      Why are you awkward even when it's someone you know?

    • Yea i might ask him in future not to bring things up like that a give me a chance to say something. and especially in front of his teenage nieces. I'm not awkward around people I know, but he thinks that i'll be awkward as long as there are crowds of people.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • If you Start to Stand for This here, dear, You will Always be Stooping to whatever poop he decides to Throw your way at any Given day.
    Open lines of convo is One of the most important factor in any New or Old relationship. Without it, you are both dead in the water.
    I find is Remarks Repulsive, rude and crude and No class, which Just went Up his *ss...
    Sit him down, diplomatically, and Inform him, that if he tries this again, you will Not only Tolerate it but you will Not be around for a Family Affair for Awhile because you do not care for His... Style.
    If he gets heated, think twice about Someone who Not only Disrespected you in front of the Family but could very well Continue his Path of a Problem Pattern which could turn into a Future... Problem child.
    Good luck. xx

  • What is the point of being with this idiot who doesn't take you seriously as a person and let along as a gf?

  • you should dump him! his own family was shocked.


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