Why do a lot of people hate their exes?

It's hard to believe that someone could hate someone that they had once cared about so much.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I tried not too, but:
    -She had been flirting around a lot with another guy behind my back for a month and left me for him, literally dating him in like 3 days after she broke up.
    -She broke up with me by phone, it was all my fault according to her. Even when I tried to explain, "but you said x, y, and z are what you wanted" she'd make some excuse.
    -Her goal was to change me during the relationship, yes she said that herself when she broke up with me.
    -She whored her new boyfriend out on social media, I didn't get a fraction of the attention in 6 months on her profiles as the guy got in 2 weeks. Also, "Happy two week anniversary! I love you!" made me realize how immature she was when she posted that.
    -She told everyone in my high school that I assaulted her, which was a lie.
    -She is now trying to talk to me after her last 3 boyfriends didn't work out in the past year and a half and she's now lonely. I'm having none of it.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It's not hard to believe when two people let a relationship rot. In the end, two people may despise each other because they were too immature to be in love (that's actually a thing I believe in). What I mean by that is (everyone matures at their own pace so the age varies from person to person) a romantic relationship between two people will only be happy and successful and healthy when they've gone through certain things and learned about themselves, how to *actually* be more selfless, and to prioritize and care for your partner's happiness and health, etc.

    Relationships require strenuous work sometimes. Sometimes it's not handled well or two people don't meet halfway or whatever the case is, and the relationship rots like an unwatered plant and the two people may end up disliking each other because they channel their hurt relationship (hurt feelings) and emptiness to their partner.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 18

  • Cause they were idiots in the first place. It's not logically possible to go from loving every aspect of someone to hating every aspect. Because in reality, the ex's personality didn't significantly change between the time you started dating and the time it was over. You either 1) were too blind to notice her bad traits in the first place or 2) didn't get to know her well enough before you started dating.

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  • Resentment, is the answer.

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  • I don't and have never hated any of my exes. I don't talk to any of them, but I hope they are all doing well and are happy in life.

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  • It's true it sometimes appears this way. But hate is too strong. Part of it is probably a natural defense. You think about why the relationship didn't work - and it is easier to place blame on the ex. Sometimes it is right to do so. But realistically probably only 50% of the time, right? Otherwise we would all be 100% right all of the time lol. This blaming is probably stronger when one is the rejected one.
    When I think back on my exes I'm quite glad I'm not with them today. Some could have worked out, maybe. But we end up in a better place as we mature. So unless the ex was a real jerk or abusive or betraying, then it is a matter of time before that feeling of hate fades to mostly good memories.

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  • I don't think I've hated any of them, i try and stay civil at least, but I would like to avoid some of them. The so called hate could be from how you broke up, why, and how long ago it was.

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  • i allways ask myself the same question. but i guess it often turns out, you really got the wrong idea of what a person is like and you "hate" them aftwerwards, because she was so different from what you hoped she was like.

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  • Mine says the same thing. I've always been compassionate as a person. So I forgive people sometimes a little to easy. I only have one ex I truly hate and that was because she sores lies about me to people and it cost me my job at the time. Don't let it bother you. Someone will come along that is right for u!

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  • Because obviously something happened between those two persons. And I don't really believe it is really hate we're talking about. At least not in most cases.

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  • Well some exes do very fucked up things to them like for example my ex had a threesome wiht my two "best friends" and made it so I wlked in on them fucking

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  • Because it is only then when they realize what kind of shit person they really have been with.
    Some friction is necessary for a break up after all.

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  • Having very bitter opinions of my ex girlfriend makes it easier for me to move on. Holding onto those intimate feelings and positive memories you have toward that person for several years can make it that much harder to date again.

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  • Usually because the ex made them feel a certain way... frustration breeds many emotions.

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  • Keep living and you'll find out.

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  • Cause she's a sex-obsessed bitch if i refuse she starts at yelling and wants to break up. i made her have an orgasm so she woke me early to do it again

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  • I don't hate her I wish her the best and hope she has a happy life

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  • may be because they just recently broke up , time will heal , may be after few years

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  • The older you get the more you realize that love, for the typical person, is usually founded purely on physical attraction, or on broken logic... a "lost soul" that needs "saving," where one's love can "mold" them into the ideal partner. It's really kind of sickening.

    Then things happen, true colors are discovered after a "blind" honeymoon-phase period of time, and people start to realize the sh*tty kind of people that they fall for.

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  • I don't hate my exes , just too much water over the dam
    or in other words why should i take back a ex girlfriend who
    had a mother who hated me, my ex never loved me deep down
    cause her mother told her, even thou she was white she told her
    never to date white men. My ex girlfriend had a wonderful
    step-dad who was black and why he was with that woman
    God only knows ,. but these things happen in life we learn
    as we live.

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What Girls Said 20

  • It depends on why they broke up. If someone cheated on me then I wouldn't exactly still care about when they clearly wouldn't care about me. Having said that, I don't hate any of my exes. I don't particularly want to be best friends with them, but I don't hate them.

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  • Love and hate are very closely related. It's not that hard.

    With a lot of people it's because they cared about someone so much they didn't think that person could hurt them so much. Often after a relationship people become cold to make it easier. Which hurts.

    I hate my ex for a very good reason though, as do many.

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  • sad right?

    well it depends on what happened between them.. I'm sure there r countless situations that lead people to dislike their exes.

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  • Usually relationships end with fighting and feelings of resentment or discomfort towards each other and it can be hard to not hate them afterwards.

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  • people hate their exs because something usually bad has happened that caused them to break up. i dont think anyone should waste their time hating an ex because its like you really haven't moved on. my ex cheated on me several times and made a lot of mistaes. i was even severly depressed because of him for over a year. at first when we broke up i hated him but as time passed by i just stopped caring. i dont hate him and i dont like him. he really means nothing to me and at this point i dont even think about him unless things like this come up. i dont even know the guy anymore so he's a stranger. what i feel is how you would feel when thinking about a random person that you dont even know.

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  • Because the pain they made you feel can sometimes only be expressed through the most powerful of emotions - hate and anger.

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  • the thing is... once that person betrays you /hurts your feelings all you can feel for that person is a deep feeling of hatred and nothing else

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  • It's easier to move on when you don't attach the romantic feelings to them anymore.

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  • There's a fine line between Love/hate, but a lot of the times it ends bad, but circumstances vary, so it really all depends on what went wrong. 'hate' is a strong word tho, just like 'love'

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  • I don't waste my time hating them. I'm pretty indifferent to them

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  • i don't hate mine..

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  • it's because the last memory of them is breaking their heart
    and painful memories tend to stick out more than pleasurable ones

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  • I all would depend on how the relationship was. Maybe the person was abusive in some way or brought the person down to the point they felt lower than the dirt. There are some people that try and get back with their exes because they still love them.

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  • I don't hate my ex dates until they refuse to accept that I have moved on and make my life a living hell.

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  • usually it ends badly and something has happened to cause a lot of hate and pain. it makes sense.

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  • Because exes are usually exes for a reason.

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  • I hate two of them because they mislead me and hurt me. The one cheated and the other left me for a coworker after 4 years, which in that case you can't just be friends after that.

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  • Its better this way. Plus it hurts a lot when you know that they cheated on you behind your back.

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  • Well lets see the man literally beat the shit out of me when he found out I was pregnant with his child he left me homeless on the street when he did come back and get me he was sleeping with two other woman and me gave me an STD left with his child at my grandmother door step and disappeared all of this after being with me for four years yeah since we where kids he got on drugs and became another person so its hard to still feel something for someone who did all this to u and that's just some of it

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  • My reason is.. because i fell in love with an illusion. He wasn't the person i thought he was. After his " mask" fell off, all i my feelings just disappeared.

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