When is it alright to contact my ex?

This is a question for all of you men out there...

I feel you may be able to answer my question better if you know our history, so here it goes.

We broke up 6 weeks ago. His reason for breaking it off was he thought I was too young for him. He went on to say that I should have more life experiences before I settle down. He said he did not feel that he could commit to me because I am still in college and need my time to have fun. [Note: He was 14 years older than me, I am 20. I will have my RN next May. He already has his degree and is established in his career.] I was never uncomfortable with the age difference. I wanted to date someone older because I felt I was ready for a long term commitment. However, I feel these were excuses for him to break it off because we dated for 15 months. If he was really uncomfortable because we were "in different stages of our lives" he should have ended it much sooner than he did. I reluctantly agreed that I should slow things down while I am young. I guess he thought it would be easier if the break up was "mutual". He went on to say that he believed everything happened for a reason and maybe a year or two down the road, we could try again. He said he would keep in touch. The first two weeks after the break up he kept checking up on me via texts. During this time I insisted I was fine because I needed my space. I kept my replies brief & up-beat. A few more weeks went by and I did not hear anything from him, so I decided to check in. He said he was doing well, and was glad to hear from me. However, he kept his replies brief and acted like he was distracted. Now it has been 4 weeks and I have not heard anything. Honestly I am bummed because I thought he would at least send one text over the holidays. Nothing. Now I would like to contact him, but am not sure if it would be the right thing to do. I am also upset with myself that I didn't fight harder when he was trying to break it off. I was trying to maintain my dignity and be agreeable. Any advice?


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What Guys Said 1

  • Hold on, let's rewind a bit. Did you come on to him or did you come on to him when you first started dating? If he made the move first then he should have known what he was getting himself to. Was there at any point in the relationship where age difference came into play? Perhaps maturity, perhaps goals in life? No offense but it really sounds like BS to me, the point of a relationship isn't to come back in a year or two when you are "ready" if everything was going just fine. The point of a relationship is to spend that time together and grow together. You don't come back to someone until they are a better person. That says I don't want to be with you because you're not good enough for me. I understand that you are upset and hung up on this guy still but whatever you do, don't start blaming yourself. Often people blame themselves when relationships don't work out, whether it'd be their own, or kids blaming themselves when parents get divorced. How can you blame yourself because you didn't fight harder when he was trying to break up with you. Truth is if someone wants to leave, they will leave. There are no magical words that will make them stay. So don't blame yourself for not fighting hard enough. Put it this way, how hard was he fighting to work it out with you rather than take off? He broke up with you remember.

    My advice if you want to maintain your dignity and be agreeable, let it go. I know that's not what you want to hear. Hell, I've casted away my dignity to try to work it out before too. It has never worked.

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    • He made the first move. He knew my age from the beginning. I think the main difference due to age is that my parents are still involved in my life.Even though I am in college now, I still look to them for support (financially & for advice). He also said he thinks we both deserve someone with the same interests. His main interest was his career & golf. I enjoy horseback riding, my puppy, and going out together - none of which he was ever that interested in. Thx for ur input.

    • The whole different interest thing sounds like a variation of you deserve someone better. Honestly common interest is one thing, quality time together is another. I mean if you are spending quality time together who cares what the activity is. Best of luck to you.

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