I am confused. Can anyone shed any light on this?

My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years broke up with me 4 days ago. I am confused and still trying to understand why because I did nothing wrong. He lost his grandad and mom in August which I know that would be a lot for anyone to take on. I gave him his space to grieve his losses because he asked for space. I tried to be there for him as much as I could when he called or text me. Around the same time his mom passed, his friend lost his job and his mom kicked him out. So my boyfriend took him in. He would not let me see him at all for 2 weeks and we only kept contact by phone or Skype. He was supposed to spend all of yesterday with me but he said he felt bad leaving his friend alone at his house and that he should come. We were planning on going to see a movie and I just wanted some time alone with him. Keep in mind I had not seen him in 2 weeks. So 4 days ago he text me and said that he needed a change of surroundings. I asked him if he wanted to come over to get away for a little bit but he said no. I asked if I could come see him just for a few minutes because I missed him but he told me he was going to his friend's house to play video games and to go swimming. he told me that he needed time and that he had nothing left to offer me because he is so emotionally numb from everything. I don't understand why he pushed me away in one of the most difficult times in his life. He told me he wanted to be left alone to grieve and didn't want to see anyone but yet he could spend time with his friend's? He said it was different. I know being with your fiends is different than your gf/bf but they are not going to give him the affection and attention that I could in his troubled time. He said he wanted to be friend's but I kept asking him why he was doing this and then he told me that he thought it would be a good idea to have no contact for at least a year. Why did he leave me hanging? I can't take that whole loss as the only reason and he didn't even want to talk it out. He didn't even have the sourtesy to break up with me in person but through Skype and after the amount of time we were together I think that was completely cowardly. Even if he is going through a loss.


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  • Oh wow that sucks. But I know what you going through, I went through similar thing. My ex of 3 years decided to end our relationship out of the blue without giving me any reason why. He was also going through a lot and he just said that he needs to change his lifestyle. Unfortunately, I can't shed any light on this because I don't get it either. But what I can tell you is that we can't always understand things and we should just leave it be. It doesn't matter why, all that it matters is that he doesn't want you. It's not your fault it's just the way he is and that means you're not compatible. Why would you need a guy who's gonna run like a coward with his tail between his legs every time something bad happens? There's a lot more to life then what he's going through right now, if he can't handle this, then he surely couldn't handle marriage and having kids. You see someone for who they truly are when bad things happen. He needs to grow up and you need to find a true man, not a boy.

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    • I am still in the "this is not real and he will come back stage." We had broken up once before in the early part of 2014 and then got back together after a couple weeks. I keep thinking I will get a call or text from him but deep down I know I won't. I hate that I'm having to go through this and I don't even want to go anywhere cause I see couples all happy and stuff and it just makes me more sad. It makes me angry at the same time because I gave him so much of my time and I gave it my all and he left me like I meant nothing to him. My family keeps trying to reassure that he will miss me but by the time he does I will probably have already moved on. I can't wait for that day to be here.

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    • Eventually I learned how to have dignity. I forgot how much I worth! I am a women, no man should have a right to treat me like that. I changed. And if he wants be back he's gonna have to through hell and back to win me. I'm not gonna settle for anything less then I deserve, being with him or with someone else. I learned I can live just fine without him. For a long time I thought our love was all for nothing, but it wasn't. Anyways, it will get better. When you start loving yourself again and raising your head up high again, you will realize that you were actually lucky to dodge a bullet. ;)

    • Thank you for your words of encouragement. I appreciate it. And I know I'll get through this but it will probably be a year or so. Honestly fall will be the hardest season to deal with because October was our month and we did so much in October. This will be my first Thanksgiving and Christmas without him as well. Since he broke my trust then he too would have to go through hell and back to prove to me that he changed and that he means what he says. I wish you the best and you'll get through this just like I will eventually. We are women and we are strong.

  • After being together that long that's a horribly rude way to end it. Honestly sounds like he was just looking for an excuse to end it in sorry. I would just move on if I were you. No contact for a year? Really? What does he expect you to just wait around? Don't!

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