Is incompatibility a legitimate reason to end a relationship?

My ex said we are not a "good fit" however we had a great relationship and never fought. We were also attracted to one another and loved one another. I never viewed us as incompatible in anyway. We dated for one year. We got along great with each other's friends and families.
If two people share love and value one another. Why end a perfectly good relationship? Can't two people work through perceived differences?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, it is. Apparently, both of you disagree on whether you two were/are a good fit or not. I agree that people can and should work through their perceived differences. My guess is he really must think that you two really are not a good fit, even if you are. I'd move on if I were you. He's a moron.

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    • How is he a moron for that? :/

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    • No problem for the MHO. Thanks for the helpful feedback. I was a really great girlfriend and was always there for him. It seems to me like it was commitment issues mixed with looking for something new and exciting.

    • You're welcome. I certainly wouldn't mind a commitment myself. If only I can find a great woman to have one with...

Most Helpful Girl

  • Did he have commitment issues? Maybe he was scared of being close. If he was mature enough he should have talked to you about any issues. Sounds like you did nothing wrong. Hang in there!

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    • Thanks. Yes there were some commitment issues on his end at play. He did not want to end up in divorce like his parents. Those were his words.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 22

  • If you had a good relationship and never fought, then I would figure that you are far from incompatible! Sounds like he had reservations that he wasn't sharing with you while keeping up a front of a happy relationship.. He should have discussed those issues long before he decided that you needed to break up.

    But it is done. Move on and best of luck to you.

    And I agree that he is a moron based on the fact that you cared a lot for him and he had problems but hid them till they overpowered the relationship.

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  • It can be a very good reason to end a relationship. It depends on what that incompatibility is. Incompatibilities can range from those we can learn to live with, to more extreme incompatibilities that can be complete deal breakers.

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  • He wants to date other women and doesn't think you would let him if he stayed with you.

    Your choices are: (A) Tell him you value what you have together, and don't want to give that up, but understand the relationship is not fulfilling all of his needs, so you would like him to consider your having an open relationship. (B) Just end it and get on with your life.

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  • Incompatibility usually implies that two people AREN'T attracted to each other or don't love one another or don't care for each other and stuff like that... so from what you seem to describe, you and your ex WERE a "good fit" for each other.

    I have a feeling there's a lot more to this situation than you're letting on here, unless he was really shallow and didn't want to be with you for arbitrary reasons like ethnicity, religion, what sports you both enjoyed, what your careers were, or differences like those... or maybe he was cheating on you and just wanted to give a bullshit excuse to get out of the relationship?

    One thing to keep in mind, if he really doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore, there's very little you can do to change the situation. You can't "force" someone to love you... that defeats the whole purpose.

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  • Depends, maybe you were so incompatible that you didn't even notice what caused your partner grief in what you normally wouldn't do. Sexual incompatibility is typically such a thing; one side is totally okay with the way things are, the other is just ripping themselves apart.

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  • Well, I get the feeling he doesn't feel the same way. From your description everything was perfect. Incompatible has some reason behind it so you might wanna take a look at the why's of what he is saying cause guys just don't say they are breaking up when they love someone and have a great relationship with them and their friends and families. Never fighting is also not necessarily a positive, it might mean - no communication.

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    • Well a fguy I like ende things with me over text even if we have a good chemisty so I doubt a guy wotn break a relaionship if he has a good chemistry. He blew me off with no explantation whatsoever

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    • @x_Pretty_x I mean this guy change to a 180 degree while he was on an European trip with my cousin, before the trip he was not like that. His text was sent to me while he was on the trip when I text him like I usually do. First he never mentioned me before the trip he was going to this trip but I now believe the guy liked to keep the trip to secrecy and not mention it to anyone, sometimes people are very reserved anyway. Or he was dealing with some personal issues at home before the trip or during the trip that decided to text me that odd text with no kind of explanation so I stop bothering him, but it is something I dont know because like I said he never explained the text even if one day after I ask him why, he did read my reply but never answered me.

    • odd isn't it?

  • Incompatibility, is a legitimate reason to end a relationship.

    You say you had a great relationship, never fought. I see a problem with that, their is no way two people can live together and not have an occasional fight. It has been my experience that when couples do not disagree or fight, one or both of them are lying to avoid conflict.

    I want to know the hell couples date for a year, and get married within twenty four months of meeting. A year of being with someone, you are not past the lying stage of a relationship. By lying stage, I mean the stage were you are putting your best self forward, acting in ways you know the other person wants you to and doing things you hate because you want to make the other person happy.

    Your ex saying you are incompatible, and you feeling like you had a perfect relationship says a lot. She ended things because she could not go on living, the lie your marriage was.

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    • Thanks for your response. First of all we were not married nor living together. Secondly, our relationship was still growing, and although we never had any big fights or anything we did have disagreements and arguments. At the end of our relationship he told me he wasn't as happy as he needed to be, but never once communicated that to me when we were together.

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    • There shouldn't be a "lying stage" of a relationship. Some of the longest together couples I know married within three months of meeting. But they were open about who they were and had realistic expectations.

    • @WalterRadio.

      I agree 100% that their should not be a lying stage to a relationship, but very few people are really themselves when meeting for the first time.

      The people I know that are really upfront about themselves, have all been threw hell in previous relationships resulting from them not being truthful.

  • Yes, why not? Incompatibility can indeed be a very good reason to end the relationship, some people value compatibility as a very important things rather than just feelings, some people are very logical.

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  • That is a bunch of movie crap that has brain drained the mind of people. Incompatibility is never a reason. It is a cause of failed relationship.

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  • This is why people like this will never be happy, they just want to find the perfect someone but unfortunately, it doesn't exist in the real world.

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    • This is true. He has been known to dump several women prior to me, and has never been dumped. His reasons for dumping in the past haven't exactly been the most legitimate reasons either.

  • There are some things that are just fundamentally impossible to work through. Such as one of you figure out that you are homosexual, it's kind of a deal breaker. There are others, some fetishes come to mind, as does relationship expectations (children/no children). So yes it can be a legitimate reason, mostly no one should be forced to be in a relationship that they aren't happy in. I know it hurts, but reality is if they aren't satisfied you have to let them go.

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  • would you please elaborate on what incompatibilities you refer to?

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    • I didn't see us as incompatible, but he felt he had more in common with previous girlfriends than he did with me. He said that he can't pick out one negative thing about me. He also said that he was not head over heels.

    • hmm. yeah i guess it can´t be helped then. if the feelings just not right, you can´t do anything about it. it´s not a matter of working things out but a matter of wrong basis.

  • It is a vague reasoning and has no opportunity for improvement. Not at all

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    • That's exactly what I think. It leaves my mind wondering what I did wrong and how I can change.

  • Incompatibility may be a reason, but since you perceived no such thing it may just be his excuse for something else.

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  • If you two aren't compatible than it might be hard to stay together
    maybe there is things you two need to talk over is the real reason
    you aren't for each other then again maybe ending the relationship
    would be for the best thing to do.

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  • how were you 'incompatible'? Maybe he got bored and wants to try some mystery and something new whilst still young

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  • I'm not sure incompatibility is the right reason even if he says that.

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  • Yes, it absolutely is.

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  • This is guyspeak for "I met someone else". Everything else is fiction to make you feel better.

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    • This is possible, although nothing lead me to believe this.

  • you won't like what i gotta say, but he simply wanted out.

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  • Yes, why not? Sometimes you're just incompatible and you can't be happy with that person.

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  • he cheated on you ad couldnt live with the remorse?

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    • for me incompatibilityis lame ass excuse. if you were incompatible he shouldn't date you in the first place

    • Agreed!

What Girls Said 17

  • Yes, I think it is a legitimate reason to end a relationship. There are different aspects of compatibility though within relationships. If your ex didn't feel that you were the right person for him then he had every right to end things. No one should continue to be in a relationship in which they don't feel they are compatible with their partner. That's not fair to themselves OR to their partner.

    I'm sorry for your break-up but it obviously wasn't a "perfectly good" relationship in his mind. I don't think incompatibility is the same thing as "perceived differences" either. It's fine if couples are different in some ways. In fact, I would say couples SHOULD have some differences and not be exact replicas of each other. However, incompatibility is so much more than that and it's obviously something your ex felt was a big enough issue to end the relationship over.

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  • It is a good reason; however, it seems to me that your ex had another reason for breaking up with you, since according to your description you weren't exactly polar opposites. It's possible that he was dissatisfied with something about you and chose not to tell you about it because it was either petty, or something you couldn't change.

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  • i think its a good enough reason it means you aren't on the same page, maybe not on the same track, maybe want different things.
    being compatible is the biggest factor in a relationship. im not sayint you have to have a lot in common and like the same things. but you have to be compatible. ltos of opposites atrract and they work out fine bc they are compatible. it really depends on the two people.

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  • But how you know he feels the same way sure he could tell you he loves you all he wants but you don't know his real emotions or what he thinking inside that heads of his. But you move on trust me.

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  • Well, apparently it wasn't a "Perfectly good relationship" for him. If it's not too late maybe ask him how are we incompatible. ask for a list And work through the list. Or it could just be that he's found someone else and he's using the compatible thing as an excuse.

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  • Obviously your ex didn't feel the same way as you do. Isn't that obvious?

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  • no it isn't, your ex was probably secretly unhappy and just wanted to end it

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  • It's the only good reason

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  • You didn't excite him or challenge him.

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  • It was probably his way of saying he doesn't feel the same way that you did.. Maybe he lost his attraction to you or his love for you.

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  • He just didn't feel the same anymore

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  • Yup I think it's a pretty damn good reason. Some differences just can't be solved.

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  • No... work on yourselves.

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  • YES! ABSOLUTELY!

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  • I think it takes more than just love to keep a relationship. That's so sad that happened though unfortunately it's part of life. It could be worse though. There are couples who have been together for half of their life and just decide to break up out of the blue. It's normal to want to know why it's happening and if you love them it can be painful.

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  • He obviously didn't see it as perfect as you did. He just didn't feel it I would just move on and hopefully you will find a better fit

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  • It really is a good reason to.

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