Do "breaks" usually end well?

My boyfriend (now ex) and I have been together for 2 years and we just broke up a second time a few days ago. I was the one to break up with him both times, because I was unsure of what I wanted. I know that I hurt it badly both times and I didn't want to do that, I just have a lot of trouble knowing what I want and whether I am sure of decisions I make. We met up yesterday and agreed that we both needed time off from dating, him because he is tired of being broken up with (there have been arguments too that almost led to breakups) and he needs times to think of whether this relationship is right for him, and me because I need to figure out my wants and needs in a relationship before I jump back into this one and then possibly breakup with him again in the future. Ultimatley he doesn't want to get hurt again and I don't want to hurt him again so we agreed we would take time off from each other, and allowed each other to see other people. Well we just made that agreement yesterday and yesterday afternoon my friend texted me that he was on a dating app, and it really hurt me because I can't even fathom dating someone else right now. I'm still torn up about the breakup and honestly wanting him back, but I'm trying to be realistic and give us both a decent amount of time before mentioning getting back together. My friend says he's probably just trying to get his mind off of me and keep busy by chatting with other girls, and I guess I can't blame him for that. Basically I just want to know how much "time" I should give him before mentioning us getting back together? Maybe he does wanna meet other girls and just see what it's like or maybe he is wanting to get back together just like I am but doesn't want to say anything (he isn't prideful but he is definitley not the type to let me just always be on and off and then beg for me back afterwards). It hurt me that he's on the app and I am mostly just afraid to lose him. Any advice? (just a note, we broke up about 5 days ago)


Most Helpful Guy

  • First, don't be a ping pong ball, that just says you are highly insecure, and his going along with it means the same for him. If you "are afraid to lose him", then you have some maturing to do and this relationship is harmful to you. A good relationship is never based on any kind of fear, including fear of loss.

    Second, you are too young to be trying to find "the one" and you put way too much emphasis on a relationship. People who marry young have a high divorce rate, and there is a reason for that. And there is no such thing as "the one" anyway. People are capable of loving any of a large number of potential matches.

    Your only dating goal at this point in your life should be to learn, to learn about you and to learn about the kind of man you will ultimately want to be with, which is not the kind of man you are with now. And sex too.

    Try to date different kinds of guys, maybe include a bit outside your comfort zone, but keep your emotions in check. Be careful with sex, because young women who haven't been with a lot of men sometimes think they are in love when they have sex with someone. There is even a physiological trick that a guy can do to a girl to make her develop emotions for him and it really works, but that is bad for the girl because it bypasses her brain. Think with your brain, not with your feelings.

    Try not to commit yourself into a relationship (casual and non-exclusive is fine) until you are past 26, have a stable job and are living independently. That will be the person you will be for the rest of your life, and so you will be able to find a good match to last.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Breaks never work.


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What Guys Said 1

  • I think he is just better off being on the dating app.

    • Do you mean not being with me? Or do you mean me giving him time?

    • I think a relationship where you feel like breaking up every once in a while is pointless.

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