What do I do with my ex? How important is having a title?

For two years I dated my ex and things were perfect. He ended up breaking up with me because he said he had too much going on in life now to be in a relationship and that it wasn't fair to me. I hung on to him for the next six months and we became sort of 'friends with benefits'--but the problem was that I was still in love with him. He said he loved me too, but that he couldn't be with me because he had too much going on. I should have cut things off completely but didn't...I guess part of me hoped that, with time, he would sort out everything in his life and we could go back to the way things were. During those six months of limbo we were exclusive with one another...but I'm embarrassed to say I was an emotional wreck because I still wanted to be with him.

Eventually, I started dating someone else because I decided I needed to move on with my life. My most recent ex was great and we dated 4 months, but I ended things with him before I left to study abroad for 5 months. I really liked him a lot, but was afraid that I had forgotten what it was like to be happy single. I felt like I might be using him as a crutch to fill the void in my life...I was determined to ensure he wasn't a rebound, and wanted to make sure I was in the relationship for all the right reasons by doing some soul searching. I discovered that I really did like him and was indeed over my first ex...but by that time he already had a new girlfriend. I was upset that I blew my opportunity, but accepted my decision. I needed that time to be single so I could learn to re-love myself and grow stronger as a person. We are still on good terms and are friends. I sense that he still kind of likes me and isn't really into his new girlfriend...but I hurt him pretty badly and doubt he would ever want me back. I can live with that, I did the right thing.

Recently, I've been talking to my first ex a lot and he wants to date exclusively and spend time with me, but doesn't want a relationship. He is graduating after this semester and is looking at positions involving the military, so he doesn't know where he will have to go/what he will have to do. This also stresses him out a lot. He says because of this he wants to see each other and be exclusive, but just enjoy the time left we have together and play things by ear. What should I do? To this day he is one of my very best friends and I don't want to destroy that friendship. It took me a long time to reach the point I'm totally happy being friends. Plus, I don't want to get hurt again. At the same time, a part of me wants to be able to hold someone I care about, even if we are just friends. Is there a chance things could work out? Am a being silly for wanted a 'relationship' when he is exclusive to me? Am I just asking for heartache or should I give him a chance?

Updates:
Thanks so much for your feedback. All the answers were exactly what I needed to hear. I think I will just be friends with him, and if he asks tell him I need someone who is looking for a relationship and the same things I am.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • If he doesn't want a relationship and just wants to date that is code for the status quo from before you two broke up last time. Best to stay friends if you want to keep him in your life, and find someone who is ready to commit to more than just dating. The problem the first time was commitment and it will be commitment this time.

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What Guys Said 1

  • One of my rules in dating is that if the other person doesn't want the same thng as you at the end f the day I call it quits with them. It sounds like you are looking for more than what this guy has to offer. I say stay away as well. You will only put yourself back into what you guys were in those last six months.

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What Girls Said 2

  • Sorry hun, but I think you two should just remain friends and that doesn't mean fwbs. He says he's too busy to have a relationship with you yet he wants to be exclusive? He's hurt you once, shame on him. Don't allow him to hurt you again, otherwise it's shame on you. It almost seems like he's toying with your emotions. It's time to move on, again. There's someone out there for you but I don't believe it's him. Because if he truly wanted you, he wouldn't have broken up with you. It seems like he doesn't even know what he wants.

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  • Well I guess you need to ask yourself what you're willing to live with and deal with. Will the pain of sayin no torment u? Being able to hold him even if it isn't everything you fully want with him could fill the void. Or would you rather say yes and posssibly go crazy because you'll never be able to express fully how you feel about him or your relationship? I'd ask myself which would be less painful and go from there... Good luck

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