Just ended with the love of my life, is it really over?

She's literally my best friends, no one in the world I can be more comfortable completely being myself around, her heart is the kindest I've encountered and I think she's very beautiful. I've known her for 4 years and dated her for half a year, a whole year if counting the moment we confessed we like each other in a special way, I'm her first everything, she's not my first (huge issue in the relationship here) she's extremely jealous when she thinks of my exes, I don't even talk to or about a single one of them, but saying the word "cheerleader" literally would make her cry because my ex, her former friend, was a cheerleader when she was a teenager (8 years before I even met her), I was staying at my girl's place before having to leave the country permanently, we were both never happier. It was what I look for my whole life. A month after I left the country she actually said let's break up, because she can no longer be happy with me since "the pain outweighs the happiness" the pain being her mind making non existent connection between everything in her normal day, and my past relationship. I've tried everything including learning her native language to prove I wanna migrate to her country and work there, where she wants her future to be, also so her parents would accept me better. I literally have 0 problems with commitment and don't think of other women or even get curious. she repeats "it's impossible for this pain to go away no matter what, so we should stop" and now it's been a whole week since I accepted to let her go (she said she's staying in a relationship with me until I am convinced that she won't be happy, and she was right, after a month of this issue and her being unhappy I let her go as she asked). Can I have her back? she says she won't look for other guys for a long time too. I'm at the point where even jealous doesn't matter to me, I'm ok with her having another relationship, kiss, sex, whatever she needs. if she ends up choosing to be with me.

  • Yes, just give her time and she'll be back.
    Vote A
  • No, just let it all go, even if you know you'll never love again.
    Vote B
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Most Helpful Girl

  • The problem does not come from you at all. She has some really serious jealousy issues, only her can sort herself out. What will it be like with another guy? The same as with you! I think you can have her back... But what I would not advice you to do so in time that SHE did not get herself together.

    Just mve on with your life, if it is meant to be, it will be. Simple. Good luck x

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    • I know you're speaking the truth. I know you're right. I wish it were less painful.

    • I was also in this same position in the past. The guy was overly jealous and poisoned my life but at first I did not mind it because I thought I loved him and I had this crazy idea that I could fix him, I ended up with serious depression and it has affected my health and social life. Be careful about being with someone this jealous, it seems like it is okay at the begining because you are in love, but it will slowly destroy you if you stay in the relationship.
      It is and will be painful but with time and acceptance you will hopefully feel better. Every single day you wake up with the motivation to keep moving on is one step forward.

Most Helpful Guy

  • respect her space she might actually miss your absence of her own choice, reflect & grow you'll both be the better for it.

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    • I do respect her space, but from my experience every time she asked me to give her time alone, she came back twice worse, when she's alone her mind twists everything from being pure to being a plague, towards the end saying "I love you" made her cry because hearing it is painful since she's not the first I said it to.. I tell her she looks great today! and she takes it terribly, she says our timing was bad and we were meant to start being together 2 years earlier (before my ex)
      I honestly don't know what the future holds, I went through severe depression since everything I said literally brought up my ex. it's like my past controls my future. but I've beaten it and now I'm not exactly happy, not even close, but I am serious, I will prove I'm serious, and fast.

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What Girls Said 3

  • i met my soulmate we were together for 7 years and things change two years have gone by since i last saw him and I'm fine in a relationship with an other guy.. you will move on

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    • it's not moving on or not, I actually never wanted to get married or have kids, until I started being with her I genuinely changed that way. Now, I'm really not interested in anyone else, honestly I don't even get aroused unless I'm thinking of her.
      I am at my best right now, I'm heart broken yes, but I have never been more determined and self confident in my life, I'm building a very solid future, partially to prove to her I mean it when I told her to marry me once I'm ready money wise, the other part to prove to myself I can achieve whatever I truly want.

  • therapy. Get some together it can help

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    • I have brought up therapy more than once, she always says "it won't help with this feeling. I'm sure nothing will help".

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    • It's already over though, and I'm not physically close to her at the moment. When I said she refuses therapy I mean she REALLY refuses any action other than giving up on the relationship. That may make her sound like she's not a good person or she doesn't love me, but I know she loves me and I know she's amazing, it's just her mind is the worst mind when it comes to negative thinking. Any great moment we have together she suddenly starts being really mean, she somehow drowns in that negative pool no matter what, even if I took her to Disney land she'd think mickey's Hitler.

    • That's on her not you. She needs to work on herself first

  • she will come back!

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    • I do hope so, even though her personality is against that, she's cut people off of her life many times before.

What Guys Said 2

  • It may be painful to hear, but you have to man up. You are in a long distance relationship with a pretty sketchy future and the other party ground it into you for a month that she is unhappy in the relationship.

    Sure, be upset, but you will get over it. You should be able to find a girl who at least doesn't suggest you make her miserable and where you have a realistic chance of being together one day.

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    • I'm sorry, but you're judging without reading what I said, that or you misinterpreted what I said. I have physically known her for 4 years, we are best friends, the future is not sketchy at all. I would have purposed had I met her family (who live in a different country). I don't lack the money to go see her. I'm just finishing education for now.
      She did say she is both unhappy and happy, but she doesn't want to feel this unhappiness which comes from me having past girlfriends.
      She also only said let's breakup after I physically left, so just being far away from her physically affected the relationship. We facetime 3 hours a day since I left.
      I understand people are quick to label a relationship as typical long distance relationship. If she asked me to come visit I would without any problems, and the distance is temporary only, I'm not bound at any place I choose where to go myself.

  • Am I to understand that you're doing a long-distance relationship? Those don't work, so just let her go.

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    • It's temporarily long distance, and I plan on visiting her a month each year, for 3 years until we reunite.

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