Is staying friends with an ex a good way of getting them back?

He broke up with me 6 months ago because he couldn't do a commitment anymore, giving that his college just started and we were in a LDR. He felt paranoid and anxious because he doesn't like making plans and he enjoys having his freedom. He said that he loves me and that he doesn't want any relationship right now and that he doesn't know when he will want, that he is just not ready yet. But he insist on being friends. The thing is that we were never friends, we became best friends during our relationship. There are things that only the two of us did (like playing xbox and watching animes) that neither one of us did with anyone else. And we kept doing those things together even after the breakup. I couldn't cut him off completelly because I can't do those things with anyone else or alone, it's not the same. And he feels the same way. I enjoy still doing it and I really didn't have a problem with it, but I think it's because I still love him. I have feelings for him, I am in love with him. He says he still have feelings for me too. He still always tells me where he was, with who he's been and what he's doing. He instantly replies to my texts or calls and is still very nice to me. Every time there is a new anime or a video game or something that I really like, he will make sure to make time to do spend it with me and do that stuff together. I feel like he is more opened now then he was during those 3 years, because while we were together it was always me initiating "the talk", and now it's always him. But few days ago, he told me he had sex with a girl from his class and it hurt me. I know it's none of my bussines but I can't help but thinking that he's gonna fall for her and that all that he said is gonna become a BS. He goes out almost every weekend and is probably having sex with her. He told me he doesn't want a relationship with her when I first asked him, but I didn't asked again. They had sex like 3 weeks ago and I don't know if they still do.
I feel like I should've treat our relationship differently if I knew he wanted more freedom, I just had no clue because he dumped me out of the blue. And it took him few months to even tell me the reason. I want him back. I want him to realize that he can have all the freedom he wants with me. I want him to commit to me not because he HAS to but because he wants to. I want him to be comfortable, relax and stresless with me.
But I don't want to be friends with him if he gets into a new relationship. What should I do? Stay friends and give it time or cut him off completely?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Agreeing to be "friends" with someone you have romantic feelings for is lying to yourself and the other person; you're selling yourself short by agreeing to less than satisfactory terms.
    If someone unilaterally changes the terms of the relationship, and you don't agree with them, then you counter with your acceptable terms are. If they're not willing to accept them, then you should tell them you won't accept that, to call you if they change their mind, and walk away and mean it.



Most Helpful Girl

  • Staying friends is the worst way of getting them back. With you as his friend, he is free to do what he wants, when he wants with no reprocussions. You need to distance yourself for several reasons. He's going to continue to hurt you (whether he means to or not) and you continue to be available should he EVER want to be with you again. The only way he may ever decide to be with you is if he feels the hurt of you not being available. The way it is now, he has no motivation to want you back. focus on your own life and happiness. Seeing you moving on is the only thing that'll shake him into making a decision


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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 1

  • no, he probably has other girls now... like more than the 1 you mentioned.

    • Lol for now I am almost sure it's just one... but knowing him, the moment another opportunity comes up he'll be banging that girl as well. He was just extremely lucky with this one, not many girls would jump into having sex a week after they met... I would actually feel better if he was having sex with more then one. It would mean he wasn't lying at least.

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