We broke up the beginning of this year & then tried to date. He ended up seeing someone on the side and lying about it and also said some really rude stuff about me to her. I was pretty hurt and sad for a little bit, but now I just realize he's not boyfriend material and that if its so easy to get his attention why would I want it? Parts of me hate him for hurting me, but to be completely honest Im just over it completely. He was never really boyfriend material, he just lacked the effort a boyfriend is suppose to put in. I don't want him sexually or crave his attention, its just nice to talk to someone who really knows me and is cool to kick it with. At the same time though im wondering if I should just be mean and say fuck it. If he didn't care about my feelings then why should I care to be cool with him? But i've never been mean like that. even when people hurt me I don't like to purposely be mean to them, thats sad. :/ I saw him a few nights ago and we just went to the store and bought some stuff and then left, and he tried to be flirty with me but I told him then and there it wasn't like that.
I know he still talks to the girl he was seeing behind my back, and I don't really care. if he wants to see her thats ok, because I don't want him like that anymore. And if they are gunna be friends with benefits fine, im not gunna be that though.
I feel if we are friends he'll be treated as my platonic friends, no kissing or anything, just a regular old friend. The only contact we have is when I hug him and say hi, other than that we don't touch. And I don't want to lead him on, so that's why I just keep it to hugging.
He is always on my grill though about who im texting and I need to tell him if were gunna be friends he needs to knock that off for now, b/c I think since he feels guilty he thinks im texting guys to make him mad and (cont'd)