Dated a guy who used his children to lie.. how to get over a charade of a relationship?

I need some advice. I dated this wonderful guy who was divorced with a few kids and he made me feel like the most special girl in the world. I met his mom, he talked about me meeting his kids, he just always went out of his way to show how much he cared. I thought this guy was my soulmate, I never had such a connection with someone. Then things fell off because he got full custody and didn't have any free time anymore. I've still talked to him and I asked him when things calm down if he wants to continue things again and he said he would like that. Every time I talk to him and see if he can squeeze and time in he tells me how he has stuff going on with the kids. And I believed this guy was an amazing, dedicated father who cared about his kids so much. I felt compassion for him, I thought what a situation to be in, a single dad with 3 kids, I could only imagine how stressful and overwhelming it was.
I just found out that it was all a lie. This whole time he "didnt have time to see me because of the kids" was really because he's been seeing a bunch of other women and going out of town with them. It sounds like he might have been seeing someone else when we were together too. I found out that he wasn't faithful to his wife, which he conveniently left out of his divorce story. I thought this man was the most amazing person I have ever met... and he's been using his kids to lie with this entire time.
I tried to confront him about what he did and it didn't even phase him. He sent a BS message and removed me from social media. He had so many opportunities to just be honest with me but instead he gave me false hope.

I'm just in such a state of shock that the only person I ever loved was a fraud. How do you deal with such a thing? I don't know how I will ever be able to trust someone again. How do you sort our the liars from the good people? Lying came so easily for this man. He was everything I ever wanted and didn't thin

Updates:
He was everything I ever wanted and didn't think existed. No one made me feel the way he did, I felt so lucky. After being through a lot of bad relationships he made me believe that good people existed, but the whole thing was a charade. I don't know how to deal with all of this.
I've been pondering...

What makes a person the way they are? Did they have some bad experience to make them the way they are? Whatever it is isn't an excuse for their irresponsible behavior, but it makes me feel sad for them in a way... that there was some catalyst in their life to make them a bad person.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It would appear that he's one of those people who are incredibly talented when it comes to treacherous trickery. Looks like he has mastered the art of deception. This is one of those times where you need to say "SHUT UP, HEART!" and start thinking with your brain. Stop supplying the dreamy feelings he sparked. Instead, in your mind strip him of his charm, physical gifts, smoothness, and hoax of memories so that you can clearly see him for what he is and how he touches this world. Take away all of the delightful surface knowledge you have and view him and take note of his incredibly flawed value system and all the character flaws that are going to keep him at low quality as a man and a human being. Then smile to yourself and thank the universe for creating his absence in your world. :) It is good for you in the long run. Any female he gives his attention to is at risk to have her psyche and heart severely harmed/her future troubled.

    You just have to keep in mind that not every man is a narcissistic liar who pathetically feeds off of the attention of women like a homeless man settling for whatever he can find. Time will always reveal who the truly good people are vs the liars. It's also important to have thick skin and not be so fragile when someone reveals their true colors.

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    • Thanks for your insight. I know it's good I found out know. I am having such a hard time processing it all. I just keep wondering why he didn't respect me enough to be honest... why I wasn't enough for him.. I know I shouldn't think that way, but I still feel self doubt after being treated so terribly. I just wish I could make him ache the way my heart does, but he doesn't have feelings. I don't know what to do if I ever run into this man. I know I will again since our companies work closely together.

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    • How did everything work out?

    • I'm feeling a lot better, thank you, but I just keep wondering what made him the way that he is? Did he have some bad experience? Whatever it is isn't an excuse for his behavior, but it makes me feel sad in a way... how is this going to effect his kids and all the other women he drags along?

      When I confronted him I was very straight forward and I let him know exactly how shitty of a person he is, but I'm wondering if I should have taken a more "motivational" approach to get him to get his life together for the kids. I'm sure it would have fallen on deaf ears but I wish there was something I could say to just snap some sense into him and put an end to this behavior.

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What Guys Said 2

  • When someone lies to you, it hurts but if you really like that person, it only hurts all the more. Believe it or not, most guys aren't like that. True, everyone lies, but not everyone is as sick as using children as a shield to cover their own discretions up, but I've seen worse. Take this time to sort out your own issues with this and level with the break being as clean as possible before dating again. And when you do, really spend time with the person you like. If a person likes you, they'll let you into their lives and spend time with you. This guy you just dated never really spent time with you making it easier for him to lie to you. But if you're around each other it makes it easier for you to see him for what he is, good or bad. No one is perfect, but at least you can gauge whether or not you're being played. You don't really get over it, but at least you can learn from it which is the whole point of these moments. Use that knowledge in the future so you don't fall for something like it again because it won't be the last time you get lied to, just make sure you can end up in a relationship where the guy lies about things like being healthy but hits up MD once a week, rather than big stuff like you're a side chick.

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    • thanks, appreciate the input. I hope I don't ever run into him, I don't know what I would do.

  • Damn. He is the Grandmaster of fuckboys.

    Honestly, I don't know really know what to tell you other than what @Esplorare already said.

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