She says she's not ready for a relationship.

This girl says she's not ready for a relationship. She says she's frightened of being hurt. She has never had a boyfriend before.

We are really really good friends. And ironically it was after she told me she didn't want a boyfriend that we started doing lots of one on one stuff together. (and after I admitted to her that I did like her a lot) We started having dinners, walks... usually the whole afternoon and evening.

Unfortunately she then (after about four "outings") left on a three week holiday and we had little contact. She just got back and yesterday we did something together again - a whole afternoon and evening. And it was really nice, and I said we should really have dinner/hang out again this week, and she seemed keen about it, but has work so said she had to check when she was free because her rosters are often very chaotic :) - but she said she was pretty sure she'd be free at the end of the week

How am I supposed to know whether she is starting to/already likes me? How am I supposed to know whether she's only being really really nice, and just likes hanging out with me and only sees me as a really good friend?

What can I do? I mean I've tried lots of things - I've told her how I feel! But she never directly said she only saw me as a friend, she seemed like she was being really genuine - that she was afraid to get into a relationship, because she was afraid she'd hurt the person and get hurt herself... And I'm trying to think as she might, but I just can't - I mean if I was her, and only saw the guy as a friend, I definitely wouldn't hang out with the guy one-on-one that often and for such a long period of time - I mean a coffee, fair enough, with a group of friends, fair enough too, but one-on-one for several hours, I just don't get it!

I guess I don't want to lose the friendship, but at the same time, I want her to "know" that these "hang-outs" are more than just friendly hang-outs. Have you any ideas? And have any of you been in similar situations/see yourselves like this girl?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I think she is beginning to like you or has feelings for you. You are right when you say that she wouldn't go out with you so often cause it's true: if she didn't like you she wouldn't go out with you that often...even if she was nice. if she was nice she would nicely say that she is busy. she probably likes you and is starting to like you and really wants to give you a chance. at the same time, I think she values your friendship too which is why she is taking it nice and slow cause she dosen't wanna screw things up! I would do the same in her situation. I also advice you to do the same: take things nice and slow with her. she is probably confused about her feelings right now but I think she is confused in a positive way. she also dosen't know how to handle a relationship because she has never had a boyfriend so it's good to take things slow. if she keeps agreeing to hang out with you I think she is really starting to like you...cause even the nicest girl would think of an excuse if she was not interested...good luck!


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  • Ive been the girl in this situation before haha. From what you've said I think she likes you (otherwise why would she do all these one-on-one things with you all the time?) but as she's never had a boyfriend before she's really scared of getting into a relationship. She's scared she won't know what to do etc and is probably making excuses to herself for not starting a relationship with you (which could be the excuse that she's scared of getting hurt - she very well might be but that's her excuse to herself). For me this situation ended when the guy finally got up the courage to ask me out and because I did like him so much I just couldn't refuse! For this girl though, you could suggest you just try a relationship and if she gets too scared then she could back out? Make sure she knows youd always be there for her and would look after her. Hopefully, if that works out shell feel comfortable and you'll be together for a long while :)

    good luck!

  • hmm well I had that happen to me when me and my friend, we would hang out like every day and laugh, have lots of fun. But I wanted it to be more than just friend stuff, I even gave him a cd before. Ummm well, that's actually kinda hard to say cause every girl is different but I'd just wait and see if she changes her mind about being just friends. Or you can try to talk to her and ask her are you afraid being hurt by me? Which honestly 100% doubt you would, but try that and see if that helps at all. I'm sorry about that I know how you feel.


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