My boyfriend of 7 years wants a baby. Need advice. Feeling dead inside?

Me and my boyfriend has been together for 7 years and he want a baby now. Thing is I don't want any. I mean I do but I always wanted to adopt. When we first started dating we had this conversation before and he told he didn't want kids. I was happy because I didn't want any either. He changed his mind and I don't know what to do. The idea of getting fat, stretch marks, and messing up my body isn't appealing. I'm not gonna look at myself the same way afterwards. I have a 4 pack, skinny waste, hips, and nice butt. No stretch marks. I don't want to ruin my body. I like babies and I think they're adorable but I honestly believe they aren't worth messing up my body over. Call it selfish but it's my body first. If he leaves me because of it, I'll be fine with it. He deserves to be his kind of happy. I can't give him what he wants. I'm just really depressed. He was my first everything and now I think it's over. I feel really dead inside. My family isn't being supportive. Saying it's my job as a woman to give birth and messing up my body I work so hard for. I'm just lost. I don't even want to live anymore.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You're family shouldn't be so pushy about the subject and should support whichever move you decide to do. I think you guys need to have one of those "what are we looking for down the road" talks and see if you guys can work together to find something that will make you both happy. If there's just things where one of you is going to be miserable then you guys should talk about your options (that includes breaking up). You have every right to not want a kid just like he has every right to desire one. You both need to do what is best for each of you. If he's not happy with adopting and wants his own flesh and blood child then you guys may want to go your separate ways.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • In five years or so you won't have that nice body anymore anyway. Your skin will start to sag and wrinkle, your face won't be as fresh. You won't even have the energy to work out as much. You're going to start worrying about what your life will look like at 40 instead of 30.

    I'm not saying you should have a kid. But you're trying to hold on to something that's impossible to preserve.

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    • Mexican singer Thalia age 44 married 3 kids body 2015: www.thaliasource.net/.../...ntana-quien0116-03.jpg

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    • If your mom looks so great after 8 kids, then what are you so worried about?

    • Lots of things
      1. I might die (no one knows)
      2. My vagina will be ruined
      3. My anus will split because that's what happens when women have babies since the baby is too big (don't understand how that's considered normal)
      4. The pain
      5. I'll resent my baby because I'll feel ruined because of her/him (I don't want to but I don't know if I will)

What Girls Said 4

  • Being with someone is about give and take. If you honestly don't want to have a baby then don't. You can't make yourself ready for something that you aren't ready for. Have you talk to him about adopting? or brought it back up? tell him how you feel, tell him you want kids to but you feel that adopting would be better because your not only giving a child a home, your also creating a family the way you want to. But if thats not the way he feels then im sorry to say that maybe its time for you guys to go different ways. You can never forget your first love, but there will always be a new love. people always change, it never stays the same. Thats why we call it life.

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  • Talk to him about it, tell him you'd rather adopt see how he feels about that. Look I may be young (15) and the guy I like (19) asked me if I wanted kids within the first few weeks we met, I said no, and he said same but he actually likes kids, guys will say whatever. Anyways, yes, I do believe this guy likes me back, but we can't act on our feelings because of our age.

    here's my thing:
    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1656710-does-this-mean-he-likes-me-may-want-me-as-a-future-wife

    The best advice I can give you, is to talk to him about it, if he truly loves you he will understand, and if he don't understand he can go F himself, because he should understand, tell him how you feel about the situation.

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  • I think you are still too young for such an affirmative decision. You may want kids later on. A lot of people bring kids and regain their shape really fast. You said you have good genes and you work hard to preserve yourself so i think you ll be just fine after a baby. I don t know how you are gonna discuss it with your SO. You need to put the pros and cons and see how much each of you can compromise while still being satisfied.
    But if it was me, and my boyfriend doesn t want any babies i ll have to break up with him. Your body will fade away with age but your kids won t. (They re your fruits). I don t know maybe i am old fashioned with this anw i wish you good luck with whatever you do.

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    • That's not the only reason I dont want kids. I just named that one to give people an idea

  • You can work on your body again after the birth, many moms do that. And if genetics allow you to have this kind of body now, you could get a similar body in the future if you work on it again.

    I think not wanting kids for vanity reasons is... well, vain. Superficial. It's not a solid reason. Not a real reason. If someone doesn't want kids because they don't think they could raise kids well or because they want to focus more on their career, I have more empathy. But just because you're scared of stretch marks? What are you, a VS model? Do you earn money using your body and having kids would ruin your career or something?

    Besides, have you talked to him about the possibility of adoption? And about what kind of parents you guys are gonna be? I hate the thought of another child being born into this world and raised by super superficial parents.

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    • Actually those aren't my only reason why I don't want kids. And we'll be great parents. He graduated college already and starting his career. I'm in my last year of college, graduating this Fall. We know how to raise a child, it's common sense

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    • And I did advice you on what to tell your boyfriend

    • Then you started talking about how I'll ruin my baby and other stuff

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