He dumped me but said his gonna call : should I answer?

We have been dating for almost a year, all was well, but the thing is he had not time to himself alone between his ex which he left ( 6 years relationship) and us too meeting and dating, only one week.

So he was a little different anxious... and one week ago he told be he did not know if he wanted to commit. He was confused but knew he had feelings for me and was not planning to see other girls.

He said we keep in touch. I said I understood his decision and respected it ( lie).

I automatically decided not to respond to his texts (1 call and 3 texts from him in a week). The last two texts said " I think of you all the time". To which I replied "so do I but you wanted time alone to think".

The second text I got was last night "I'll call you tommorow, I'm thinking about you". I did not want him to think I was missing him too much so I just replied later " oh... I just got your message".

I know that answer was vague but at least I did not sound needy.

So he is going to call me and my question is should I asnwer the phone, do absolutely nothing or just not asnwer and reply I was busy?

I read a lot of stuff on the net and many relationship coaches say the best thing to do is to respect a 30 days no contact treatment. Or only answer to message if he needs something from me or if he is planning a date.

I think I should keep with the 30 days silent treatment but it has only been a week ! Plus I'm not sure he trully mad up his mind : his last text does not say he misses me...

Please tell what I should do if he calls?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Firstly, something here has bothered me and that is your text back to him. You obviously care about him so why potentially look like you aren't so bothered?

    Dating games for the right guy are the wrong thing I have found... He may regret losing you but have just had a bit of a fearful moment in committing, it doesn't mean he doesn't want a future with you. Take it from someone who was married to a guy who she loved very much but then divorced, you want to find a reason the relationship failed but sometimes it just doesn't work out. It was painful to get past (even if he was with you he would still find things tough to get past it but you made it easier) so you try to figure out still if everything with the new person is right, could you be setting yourself up for a fall etc... I think he has a few battle scars and needed to know how much he would miss you and loves you. He wants to come back, please don;t let him doubt you now as it will only make things harder xxx

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    • Tahnks for the reply!

      Maybe if he feels he is losing me (since we have few contact), he will start realizing he trully wants to be with me. And if he doesn't well at least I have a clear answer and can move on.
      Im 30 he is 26.

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    • Well in french I said, un ami, which means a friend..
      He has to call back anyway. My car is at his parent's house in the countryside and he has some of my stuff.

      Ok I'll be nice :)

    • yes I speak some french... :)

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What Girls Said 2

  • You know that 30 day no contact thing is bullshit right?

    So I'm here to ask you. Do you want to talk to him? It sounds like you do, but why are you trying to avoid him and keep at a distance? Just because he got out of the relationship with you because he was scared that he was moving on to fast and jumped into a relationship so quickly. It's nothing bad.

    Give him time and he'll come around. He says he misses you, so he obviously still cares about you. Have a talk to him. If things are bothering you, open up to him about how you are feeling. Be honest and genuine. And maybe the two of you can compromise on something.

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    • So you are saying I should answer his call?
      I dont want to go on an on and talk about stupid thing: should I be brief? "Hi its nice to talk to you on the phone. I've been busy these days, thinking about our relationship, hope you finding aswers to your problems. Take your time.
      Anyway, got to go meet up with some friends, always appreciate hearing from you."

      Correct me if Im wrong..

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    • This could be a solution, hope I dont end up in the friend zone :P

    • Just be straight forward on what you want and what you don't want and ask him if he is looking for that too. It would give you a better idea that you guys are on the same page (or not).

      You can avoid the friend zone. Just be brutally honest with him about what you want. You'll be more then fine ☺️

  • The No Contact rule was voided when you answered him, anyway :)

    Look, he was confused and got cold feet. The time away seems to have made him realize he wants to be with you. This seems to be a rare thing; something good coming out of a "break."

    I admire your maturity in stepping back and giving him his space. He wants to talk to you, I'd definitely say answer and see what he needs to say.

    Good luck!

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