Am I bad person for not wanting to stay friends with my ex?

I can totally be friends with him. But the thing is that I just don't want to, not because it's hard for me, but because I would feel like shitting on my dignity and settling for less then I deserve. I see it this way: if he dumped me, then he has to deal with the fact that I'm out of his life for good. I don't want to give him the satisfaction of getting what he wants. Sure, I'm gonna miss him but I'm suck it up and move on. I'm asking this because he got mad that I rejected the "friends" offer, stating that it means that I don't really care about him, that if I cared about him I would want him in my life, like wants me in his. What are your thoughts?


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1917

Most Helpful Guy

  • Dear
    you've a lot of things you must accomplish in your life, and one of those things like moving on , your dreams , your job , anything else . you're not obliged to be unhappy just to make other happy

    sometimes love can't be turned into a friendship , otherwise you won't feel comfortable because there's a part of your past stuck in your life and that's 'll hold your back

    just make sure the path you decide to walk aligns with your own intuition and desires and everything 'll be okay

    I liked your decision to move on which mean that you started to discover yourself more+self-esteem

    Good luck

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Most Helpful Girl

  • TBH no, If this guy was treating you like crap and making you feel bad about yourself, then you have no reason to feel bad for cutting him out of your life. It is what it is. Who wants to be around people who treat them terribly?

    It makes no sense!

    Deciding to not remain friends with an ex who mistreated you is only taking care of yourself. Sounds to me like he is just trying to keep you around in case he decides he made a mistake and wants you back. Don't let him treat you like a second choice.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 16

  • I don't think you are wrong for not keeping him in your life. Any time that I have broken up it was complete , no contact what so ever

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  • No, that's totally healthy. He can get mad all he wants. That's his problem, not yours. Forget him, if he calls or texts, ignore it. If you go somewhere and he's there, just be polite but don't engage with him, don't make small talk, don't answer questions about your life since the breakup, and don't let his behavior force you to leave.

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  • All my exes were ok, not something that would win a gold metal or whatever in respect to their actions. I certainly have no feelings of wanting to be friends. Simply because friends take effort, and an ex is a completely pointless friend.
    You said suck it up, that could mean a number of things, perhaps you are not as over him as you thought.

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  • Nah I really hate my EX Girlfriends. They took me in made me feel comfortable then changed their minds and fucked some other dudes even before they broke up with me. I can't blame you for not wanting to be friends with your EX...

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    • awful isn't it?

    • Show All
    • seems like were in the same boat :-(

    • @Trotters Don't get depressed. It's not that bad, at least you're learning from your experiences. I never let it make me bitter I only learned from them and found out what to look for in those who are willing to do that to you. Chin up Trotters, there are still plenty of good women out there just keep looking. As for me, I've met someone through a church group. We've talked for over a year and a half. HAHA Come to find out she lives in the Philippines. I leave on a plane to visit in 3 more weeks. 2 week vacation on an island resort paradise. So sometimes things work out. Just keep at it. Don't let it get you down.

  • Tell him that rarely in your most lonely desperate moments you might still give 1/2 a shit about him. Still you need to stay mentally healthy and therefore you've hit the flush lever.

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  • Give it a year and if he still wants to be friends go for it. I'm friendly with most of my exes but I don't talk to them a whole lot. You have to wait a bit sometimes for the issues to fade.

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  • Forget him and move on.

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  • I tried to be friends with my ex, but it just wasn't the same & I couldn't do it any longer so I had to tell her. A lot of exes do stay friends, most don't. I don't know how those that do can? I can only think that they weren't really into em as much as they thought? But that's just my opinion

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    • Are you saying exes that stay friends aren't really into each other like they thought? AND exes that never speak were into each other.

  • He dumped you.. no longer a part of your life. Move on.

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  • If his friends aren't a drug dealer or something just figure it out make something good for him don't be an anyway just do a favor

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  • If I were him I'd just forget you existed personally

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  • No you are not.

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  • I have plans too kill my ex so I have no issues if you don't wanna stay friends

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  • I don't think it makes you a bad person for the sole reason that it will be more difficult for you to move on if he is still around. Eventually you are going to see him with someone else and all that's going to do is create more resentment. With that being said, I do think that you should at least try to be "friendly" with him. No reason to go talk a bunch of shi* on him or insult him because that will also take your head to a place you don't want it to be. Just explain to him, nicely, that you can't do it because it's just too hard for you and it's better for you if you both didn't talk. I'm sure he will understand and who knows, maybe with a little time, you both can be friends again.

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  • I wish I had this mindset when my ex brokeup with me... Like I like being friends with her.. but I want her for more than that.. I'm honestly about to just to back off of her.. and be friends when I'm ready... so I 100 percent support your decision

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  • Nope, that's typically what happens. Girls and guys can't be "just friends"

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What Girls Said 18

  • When you break up, at the very least, you need time and space to deal with the fact that you're no longer together before you ever get into a friendship again. Break ups are hard, especially if you were really close to that person, BUT, this doesn't automatically mean you have to now be friends with him or if you loved him, that you're going to stop loving him. You broke up for a reason, a very important something that could not be solved, and so being friends probably won't solve that either. Your now ex cannot dictate how you should or are now feeling about him. Only you can do that. He also cannot have his cake, and eat it too by just assuming that you'll just be friends with him because he thinks you should. Don't feel any pressure to be friends. Take the time to deal with the break-up on your own terms and if YOU want to be friends, that's your right, but he can't force that and nor should you if that's not what you don't want.

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  • Hope you don't mind me being blunt here. I cut all exes out of my life for various reasons
    - they were wrong for me
    - the trust is gone
    - I find it easier to move on and live my life
    - I feel like they will try to be intimate again and use me for that with the excuses they still care/love me but just can't commit and don't want to ruin our "friendship"
    Iv seen it happen to friends, Iv always been a deal with it and move on type of person. I'd say hello if they saw me otherwise il just ignore them. It isn't easy Iv had every ex still try text or chat with me regularly. It's annoying. I want them to know I will never give them the satisfaction or my time again. There are some I suppose who can remain friends which is great

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  • you are not obligated to remain friends with him.
    He clearly didn't want to keep you in his life as a girlfriend, why should he get to have you as a friend...

    It has nothing to do with caring or not. If you don't want to, for whatever reason, you don't have to.

    If he gets mad about it and saying that you don't care, it's just funny, because he didn't care about your feelings either when he broke up, or did he? What does he want you in his life for? What will happen when he or you finds someone new? will he drop you as a friend then too?

    Do yourself a favor and go with your instinct. cut him out of your life and move on.

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  • You're not a bad person at all. My ex wanted to stay friends with me after we broke up but I just can't be around someone I used to love and just be friends with them. I know he still cares about me and I do care about him but it's for the best we aren't friends.

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  • No you are not. To me being friends w/your ex is a bad idea unless there are very special circumstances (have been friends for a long time, you no longer have other then friendly feelings towards each other etc). I broke up recently and will not be staying in touch w/my ex. I am so used to him being in life that moving on would be difficult to see him, but not be able to be the same w/them as when you are in a relationship w/them. I was the person who broke up, but I still feel empty because I really cared for him, but I saw that I wasn't getting the care and love that I really deserved.

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  • No, that doesn't make you a bad person at all. You are completely justified in not really wanting to be friends with him. It can be difficult to remain friends with an ex and not have any past emotions or feelings involved. I don't blame you for how you're feeling.

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  • No that is actually normal and it might be good for the on the long run especially if they still have feelings for you. Acting differently would be selfish if they have feelings for you.

    In the end, they will realized you have done the good choice (for them) and will thank you for that.

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  • No, you're not a bad person.
    No one says you are obligated to stay friends with your ex.
    If you feel that strongly, then move on with your life (in every way possible).

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  • I think you're overthinking this a bit too much, but it's still your right to not remain friends with him. His reaction was childish.

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  • Screw him. You are absolutely right! The only reason why he wants to stay "friends" with you is because he wants to 1. reduce the guilt that he carries within himself and 2. he wants to know what you are up to and keep you as a plan B. Whenever my ex boyfriend 's have suggested staying friends, I've always said no. It's honestly not worth it. He just wants to feel like he can pop up in your life whenever he wants to, without being in a romantically involved with you. You deserve better :) and you do better for sure

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  • I'm not friends with any of my exes. I have plenty of friends without going there. We broke up for a reason... I just as soon leave it that way and move on.

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  • You have every right to want to distance yourself. He broke up with you, he needs to live with the consequences. As for the whole, if you cared about him, you would want him in your life thing? Tell him to get fucked.

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  • If it works for you by keeping your distance so you no longer need or want to deal with him in anyway then it's up to you, as long as you allow yourself to move on freely without holding onto any bitterness, but you don't have to be friends with him but you can still be civilized to him without allowing him back into your life.

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  • You're not a bad person.

    He is an ex. You don't have to stay friends if you don't want to. :)

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  • You could just say, "yeah, sure whatever." And never speak to him again. I'm sorry he is laying this silly guilt trip on you. He probably just wants you as a back up or to fuel his ego. Screw that.

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  • So basically you can't be friends because you're still bitter and not over it. That's a valid reason

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  • You absolutely do not have to be friends with your ex, no way.

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  • Tell him to stfu and get lost... already broke up with you and he is giving speech on care... wowww.. you did the right thing gal... ignore that piece of shit... seems to me you are very strong girl... tc

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