Why does it hurt so much after a break-up? I feel like my soul is grieving?

I am crying a lot and in such emotional pain. Sometimes when I cry, my chest and my heart literally ache. But what surprises me most is the spiritual aspect to this pain. Sometimes it feels like this pain is coming from a place deep inside me. Like my soul or spirit is grieving for the loss of this other human being in a deep and profound way. How does a connection like that happen? I mean, I was always keenly aware of the emotional and phsyical aspects of our relationship but I did not really realize there was a spiritual connection or undercurrent as well. Where does that come from? Why does that happen? I did not know how deep my feelings ran until my soul began to grieve. :(


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I do relate with your pain that comes with breaking up with the people you love earnestly. I've been in those footpaths twice. It's never a healthy experience.

    Your rhetoric questioning suggests you are still in the early phase of your loss. Psychologists refer to this phase as denial or anger. It's acceptable to challenge your loss or reject reality.

    Once you've spent considerable time with a significant other, sharing and intimating on various things, they become an extension of the self—a part of you. While the physical side of this self is absence, the spiritual side still lives in thoughts, mind, space and objects.

    I propose the following:

    Step 1: Feel the hurtful feelings. It doesn't matter if it takes a day, week or month. Do not force away your thoughts from them.

    Step 2: Accept the person is no longer with you, and would never come. Accept the heartbreak emotions.

    Step 3: Focus on the good memories this person brought to your life. It's important not to dwell on the negatives otherwise that could cause you to relapse to the anger phase.

    Step 4: Focus on things you would have loved more to experience from this person.

    Step 5: Remove items that may cause you relapse to denial.

    Step 6: Set important activities to do daily. Focus on completing them. Activities focus your mind on positive emotions.

    Step 7: Remember something good is coming to you.

    Step 8: Let time be your best friend. 6 to 12 months from now you would look back to this period, and smily ask—what for.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • It is easy to say snap out of it, but I know that isn't easy. You must let go, or the pain will destroy you. Time makes it easier. In the mean time surround yourself with friends and family. Take care of yourself and eat right. Take up a volunteer position to keep you active and your mind busy. It is normal to grieve for a few weeks, but then you need to let go of the pain and take care of you!!

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 14

  • Of course your heart is breaking. Anyone who says, "move on!" has never really been in love. Losing love hurts your soul. It's trite, but time will heal this wound if you let it, and that's what you must do. New love will come as warm and alive as the first, again, if you let it.

    Good luck

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  • sorry dear
    but you're thinking of pain but you didn't think in a way to stops that pain but WHY?
    you've many choices than crying and pain. so why you keep choose pain?
    Don't burn yourself from inside and Don't hold that kinda feelings inside you
    LET IT GO
    and say what you want to say , and I'm sure we all here for you

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    • Yeah, you are right. I have a choice to feel pain or to let it go. I can feel sad that he is not in my life anymore or i can feel happy for the good times that we shared... I think I am holding onto the pain because it makes me feel closer to him. :(

    • "Don't hold that kinda feelings inside you" That sounds as if you're saying it's wrong for her to feel this way. It's OK to feel the loss of what you love. It's not something you can immediately let go of. You got to accept & express how you feel but know that although you're in a way grieving, it's not the END. Time will heal & you will love again, except the next guy you fall into will be through the eyes of experience.

  • Yes there is a connection. Deep and spiritual. And when broken if rips to the root of your core. All that heals it is time and choosing what you think about.

    This is why you do not easily give your heart away nor take one on easily.

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  • Suffering a breakup is very much like suffering from drug or alcohol withdrawal. In fact brain scans have indicated as such, since the same areas of the brain light up in both former drug users going through withdrawal and people who recently suffered a breakup. Basically, you were literally addicted to that person and are now suffering from the effects of them not being there to give you that "high."

    Don't worry, just like withdrawals this heartache should pass with time. However, unlike with drugs you can fall off the wagon in terms of love and romance without feeling like you've failed horribly at maintaining your sobriety, so plus.

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  • I know the feeling!!!

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    • message me if you want were similar age & going through this at same time :'-(

    • Thank you!

  • Yeah breaking up with someone isn't easy, i been there the first time was horrible and the second time wasn't as bad cause she was planning to cheat on me.
    I'm sorry for your sadness and i wish you the best i know it hurts terrible

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  • It's called grief.

    If you've lost a friend or family member, you feel exactly the same thing.

    It's a loss. Just mourn it and get over it.

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  • you are a terrible person

    block me please

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  • I have never had a break up so I wouldn't know lol

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  • Well all I can say is that it hurts because of all the time, emotion, secrets, experiences and hope you probably invested in both the dude and the relationship. It's not easy letting go of something that you spent so much time with, why else would unhappy couples stay together for so long? Because of the fear of losing something you worked hard to create with the other person. It dissappears when they do.

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  • I know exactly how you feel.. the pain is real.. they say a breakup basically has the same affect on someone as someone who's addicted to heroine has... so it's a tough time.. I just got broken up with (will be 3 weeks tomorrow) and I have good times.. then there's other times I just want to disappear.

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    • I know the feeling...

    • I can relate to this. My boyfriend broke up with me a few nights ago and I cried and now I just ache and miss him. I can be having a good day then bam I see something that reminds me of him and the pain is back :(

  • Because you know that they'll never be in your life again

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    • Yes, I think that's it...

  • Yeah I feel you, happened to me as well. I couldn't really cry it out so it all the pain just kinda stayed in and made me not trust woman fully anymore.

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  • In your brain love is a chemical reaction you become addicted to therefore Breaks up are a form of chemical withdrawal

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What Girls Said 10

  • You are not the only one. This type of pain is really unique. But everything has an end, and so does this. I was with my ex for 4 years and after he dumped me, a big part of me died inside me, and I don't think it's coming back. It's part of me that made me very easy going like a butterfly, I was always very happy person who always saw good in people... now that part is dead. But I think that's good, because that piece of me was wrong. Some people are just not good, no matter how good we treat them. I don't have that naive smiley on my face anymore, but I have such a good perception and knowledge that will make sure that I never let myself be hurt like this again. It hurts because you are healing and learning, and that's good. You will be okay again, just give it time.

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  • I felt the exact same way when me and my ex broke up. It felt like deep inside me somewhere there was a giant gaping hole and it took a while before it healed but it does. You won't be like this forever, I can promise you that :)

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  • Breakups always hurt.
    But the only way you can feel better is going out with friends, talking with them about your situation to heel.
    Talking and crying is important and then time will make its effect.

    Be strong girl, don't initiate contact with your ex ( watch coach corey wayne's videos on youtube).

    If you are strong, your are beautiful and men, good men, will sense that and want to chase you.

    I wish you the best!

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  • I feel your pain. I just got dumped on Friday because I didn't want to rush into sex and the guy did. I didn't really feel the impact of the breakup until today. It takes a couple of days before it really hits you. My advice for you would be to talk with your friends and family members as much as you can so that you can get your mind off this situation. You should also try and meet some new people. It will hurt now and you most probably will feel down (depending on how long you were together) but you will get through it eventually :) take each day as it comes

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  • I am feeling the exact same pain. It is a literal physical pain within my heart and chest that I cannot begin to describe. I've always thought of the person I lost as my soul mate. And that's what I feels like, like we had this connection so deep like our bodies yearn to be by one another. And now that it is lost, my soul feels broken. I am so sorry for your pain. I hope your find peace soon, as do I for myself.

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  • The emotional bond has been severed. He no longer kept you emotionally linked.

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  • I experience this before. You both had soul ties google that. And that will give you more info on the way you are feeling.

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  • I'm sorry :( heartbreak really is the worst thing ever :(

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  • I feel the same... and months passed since my ex broke up with me. I still cry a lot and I feel empty... It seems like this feeling will never go away. He broke up with me in the worst possible way, cheating and dumping me for someone else... and he acted like nothing bad happened, like it was perfectly fine to pursue his happiness at my expenses. It should be easy to forget in this situation, right? It's not. I feel I will never be the same, a part of me is gone forever. I envy those that can turn page with a flick of a finger.

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    • I'm so sorry that happened to you. :( On top of losing someone you loved, you also feel betrayed. I would not say that is easy to forget.

    • I don't think I'll ever forget what he put me through (the story is much more complicate and painful than just being cheated on and dumped for someone else...). But what I can't understand is why it's so hard to forget someone that clearly is not worth any second of my life... I loved him dearly. Actually, it's more accurate to say that I loved dearly the person I thought he was. I'm grieving for a dream... 😔 Thank you for your comment, it feels good to share. And I hope you will feel better soon too. 🌸

  • 😢big hugs to you honey, I'm so sorry. I've been there before. I rather not talk about it, I'm sorry I sound selfish, but my pain, the pain it's truly unbearable for me.
    But I'll send you hugs and pray for your soul healing.

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