When will the hate end?

My ex and I were together for almost 4 years, he dumped me 7 months ago. He just said that he doesn't want a relationship anymore, out of the blue. I've been his girlfriend while his life was messy and hard, while he didn't have anybody else, I was there for him. As soon as he started his new job and his life got better, he dumped me. He didn't need me anymore, now he has money, friends, fuck buddies, parties and busy days. He didn't have any of it while we were together. I was basically used and tossed away like a toy because he didn't need me anymore. Of course he tried staying friends, playing the nice guy role, but I rejected it. We haven't talked in months (because I ignored him) but I hear from mutual friends how he is happy now and how his life is much better now. He is dead for me. Literally that person is someone I don't know anymore and I despice him. I am over him in a romantic way (I don't ever want to see him again) but I still think about him often and it makes me very angry. I keep feeling this hate towards him and I just can't erase it. I don't wish him well. I wish he gets so screwed up, that everyone leaves him drowning in depression, that no girl wants to give him a minute of her day. I wish he hits the bottom so hard and then remembers me. I wish karma slaps him in his disrespectful cheek. I have never hated anyone, this is a totally new feeling for me. I have other exes and I NEVER felt any of this towards any of them, even though they also did some nasty things to me. I feel like this feeling is never gonna end. People say that I will "get over him" in time and that I will be able to be polite to him and remember the happy memories, but that bs just seems so impossible! I don't want to remember happy moments I want to remember what he did to me for the rest of my life! That little worm doesn't deserve any empathy nor forgivness. Not that he even asked for it, he never even apolagized.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think this is a bit of an overreaction. It may seemed like he used you, but he owes you nothing. In a relationship, you are supposed to support the other when he or she is suffering. You did that. He may have thought that he just wanted a fresh start in everything, and that meant moving on from his relationship with you. Yes, it sucks to be dumped, but you should know that you helped someone. Instead of wasting your time and energy in hating someone, why not bring positive energy in your life and just know you did good for someone else. I know in this generation is hard to give someone something without receiving anything.

    • Knowing that I helped someone who didn't deserve it doesn't make me feel better. In fact, I didn't even helped him, I feel like I failed big time because he is such an ass now, towards everyone. He used to be this sweet and smart guy, now a totally different person. He is hanging out with bad people, doing bad stuff. And he loves it. I feel like all my energy and love was for nothing...

    • Maybe that's how he really is. You did help him when he was in need; regardless of whether or not he deserves it or not, you invested time in helping someone.

Most Helpful Girl

  • You are doing 2 things With your hate, 1) hurting yourself , preventing Happiness from entering your life and 2) making him even happier that he didn't end up with you and your bitterness. Lose the hate, move on find pease and happiness for yourself.

    • Easier said then done, though. And I was never bitter, I was always happy and good, never ever had I been bitter to him or anyone else. It's like I don't recognize myself. In order to find peace I need to "forgive him" and in order to that I need to understand him. I can't understand him and I certainly can't forgive him. But he doesn't have having anything to do with my life right now, my life is pretty hard but nothing I can't menage. I have good and bad days, but nothing to do with him. Just sometimes these flashbacks of him and that feeling.

    • You don't need to forgive OR understand him. That's just your self conscious finding a way of holding on. You need to fill your mind and life with other things so there is no space left to think of/understand/forgive him.

    • Not true about the forgiveness thing. You're supposed to forgive others. Not for their sake, but for your own peace of mind/sanity. That way, u can completely move on and nothing that person does or says will phase u.

      I see this is a month old, so I hope things have gotten better for u @Asker

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What Guys Said 3

  • dear
    sorry for what you've been through
    there are some people who'll only be there for you as long as you have something they need. when you no longer serve a purpose to them, they'll leave , this life. sometimes you lose and sometimes you win , and this doesn't mean the end of the you story , but it mean that you move on to a new chapter of your life and you won't find the way out unless free yourself from the anger and hate

    what's the purpose of keeping the pain alive?
    nothing except replaying a painful memory over and over in your head is a form of self-abuse
    you've been used but not because you're a foolish girl or bad , but because you have a pure heart
    It was a tough thing, but toughest lesson because nobody gets through life without challenges and disruptions, but it's these trials that make you stronger and eventually move toward future opportunities

    Make peace with yourself and your past. when you heal your thoughts, you heal the health of your happiness. So stop focusing on old problems and things you don’t want in your future. the more you think about them, the more you attract what you fear into your everyday experiences – you become your own worst enemy

    life is beautiful outside (what are you waiting for)?

  • The hate will never end. It is in our nature.

  • The hurt will never really go away but, the hate will. I can only ever remember 6 times in 4 years where I was happy with my Ex. Usually in between her cheating. I don't think she could stand the fact that I never did the same. I've since forgiven her because I like to think if she ever finds true happiness then there is hope for all of us. But that doesn't mean I let her come back into life at all. We both need to find it on our own.


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