My ex dumped me today, wants to stay friends and text me 20 minutes after we parted. What gives?

Me and my ex were together 2 years, we were in a serious relationship, planning to move away together. I got on well with his family, he made me feel included and part of his life, he would make me feel comfortable he just wasn't the best at showing his feelings but would tell me he loved me and that I made him happy. I did everything for him and didn't expect much back... bit of a doormat but that didn't bother me, cuz I loved him. I could never imagine him dumping me cuz I did so much for him and showered him with love and affection.

Anyway we had had an argument the previous week over facebook and had not seen each other all week as a result and he had said we're done. Today we met up to "talk" but he wasn't interested in saying much to me, he was very cold and I was trying to make general chit chat and he wasn't very responsive. We sat down and he just rattled off that he decided now we didn't want the same things, marriage etc. But he had said that previously and changed his mind again and then he thought it was too stressful cuz I am quite clingy even though I promised I'd change as a result. He couldnt talk anymore and walked home and I gave him his late bday present and he said he would go inside to get my necklace for me, he came out saying he couldnt find it and would post it to me. I gave him a hug, he hugged me back which made me start to cry and said I'm sorry and he said you dont have to be and I just ran home. 5 minutes later his facebook status: "today sucks" then he text me saying he had found the necklace and he hoped I was ok... even though he had said he wouldn't contact me and wait for me to contact him first. I thought what a jerk, ofc I'm not! But I didn't reply. He has also not changed his facebook relationship status even though he's been on facebook loads but has deleted some photos of us on instagram but not his facebook. I don't know part of me is hoping he is still hung up on me and will change his mind. Any insights please?


Most Helpful Guy

  • dear
    sorry for what you've been through
    But why do you want to stay with someone who doesn't care to stay with you?


Most Helpful Girl

  • OK

    The first thing you need to realize is that maybe he is not that into you or not as much as before. He has difficulties showing his feelings maybe because he does nt feel the way you do or he is just scared of admitting them.

    At this point the best thing you can do is no texting/no responding it is called the no contact rule. It is hard to apply but trust me you have to, if you want him to take the time to thinks things through and maybe MAYBE come back to you.

    If you don't do it, if you are clingy, if you initiate contact for whatever reason he is going to pull further back. So you need to respect his decision.

    You can send ONE email; saying you are hurt/ confused but you respect his choice. Tell him you will take this time appart to think of yourself. But also say that you will also keep the good memories (give 2 examples of things nice you did together). dont end it with a "love you" but rather "take care".

    If he asnwer back, has questions blablabla, don't answer.

    At some point if a guy regrets, he'll start sending you messages.

    Initiate with no contact 2/3 weeks and then move to limited response meaning yo only replys short neutral messages 1 out of 3.
    never initiate anything. The dumper needs to chase 100% and you 0%

    If he wants to meet, you set a date and time. and when you meet, limit the talk over the past or he'll get cold feet again. consider you 2 are starting anew, in a delicate situation so don't pressure and don't be clingy. After that persue with no initate contact. Let him come to you.

    This is happening to me right now, and I'm going on a second date.

    If you need extra help feel free to ask me and also look up coach corey wayne on youtube - he help me a lot and I avoided making non reversable mistakes.

    One last thing, it is hard but you must pull yourself together, go out with friends talk to other guys maybe date, do activities. You need to be UP when you see your man again to show him you are doing well without him and you are a strong women, smile, don't blame him don't talk about the past just focus on the present moment, the date.


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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 2

  • Give yourself some time. To grieve the end of the relationship. Don't play games. If you want to reply do it just make it short you can just say no I'm not but thank you for checking.

  • Block him on everything and delete all contact info. And then move on

    • but I still love him and want to spend my life with him, its not that easy

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