Do I need to come clean to my ex? Or is honesty a virtue he doesn't deserve?

Not too long ago my ex and I broke up. In order to deal with it he coped by sleeping with a number of women, I hear that's not very uncommon with men... the thing is he started sleeping with them (and ones we both knew) shockingly early. Didn't even wait a day tbh. Anyways, I cheated on said ex almost halfway through our relationship. I know it's horrible but its not like I slept with anyone else, plus it helped me knock some sense into myself and be the most loyal girlfriend ever afterwards! At the moment my ex and I just want to be friends. I feel as though in order to completely be comfortable being friends though I need to come clean. Not only would it be a load off my shoulders, I feel like I cannot comfortably be friends with him without allowing him to feel a fraction of the pain he has caused me.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It isn't about honesty really. Its about revenge. Making him feel the pain you do. Is that what you want? Truth is its just a temporary fix to help ease your suffering. The pain will still be there afterwards and the fallout of saying it could cause your pain to become worse. There is no going back once it's said and done and could probably ruin any chances of any kind of relationship friends or lovers. Let him play his games. Just act like it doesn't bother you and you are happier without him. This will bother him more.

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    • I am quite bitter about it so you must be right. And yea I feel like I'd regret saying anything afterwards. It's not like I have to be completely honest with him in that sense seeing as how I want nothing more than to be friends. I am already feeling so much happier without him so I'll continue on that path, thanks!

Most Helpful Girl

  • Hum, I'm not sure it is a good idea. If you want to keep the friendship, I would not say a word even if you wish for him to feel some pain. But you can say you were hurt when you found out he went out with many girls right after you as if you never had much value...

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    • That's pretty much it ^ he says it doesn't effect the relationship in any way because it was after we were done but really that sets the tone for our friendship. We probably won't be very close at all. I can't even bring myself to ever start a conversation with him as of late. Definitely a good thing :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Why are you still wasting your time with him? Forget him and move on. To do otherwise will only cause problems in the future.

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    • I tend to be friends with most of exes, this is the first time I've been on such bad terms with one :S

What Girls Said 1

  • Friends don't want their friends to, and I quote, "feel a fraction of the pain he has caused me." I get it. You are hurt, but you are the one that cheated on him during the relationship. If you're broken up, yes, even a day, you're allowed to do what you want b/c you're broken up. You don't get to keep a hold on someone after you've broken up. If you want to come clean because you feel and you know you did him wrong and want to start fresh, that's one thing, but if you're doing it because you want revenge... it doesn't sound like to me you are ready for even a healthy friendship. Plus why would you want to even be friends with someone who as you say, quickly went on to sleep with your own friends?

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    • The people weren't my friends, more like people I knew and he was friends with. But you're most probably right, he doesn't deserve my friendship. In fact I probably don't deserve his either because I'm still quite bitter. Do you think starting with a clean slate will help that or I should drop the idea of being friends with him altogether? He was my best friend for almost 2 years so I guess 3 months is not enough time to get over what happened...

    • You sound a bit like you keep trying to justify your actions. He slept with all these people after the break up and therefor what you did during it wasn't "as bad," because you were according to you, the best girlfriend afterwards. Wrong is wrong, and you seem to only want to get it off your chest to hurt him, not because you want to atone for your own actions. Again, you were broken up with him when he slept with all those people, so he's done nothing wrong. None of this is the basis for a healthy friendship or relationship especially if by your own admission, you are still very much bitter. That's not going to go away or get better because what has already been done on both sides, has already been done. Also now that you too are also broken up with him for whatever reasons, you owe him nothing. Take what you've done and learn from it and grow from it, but most importantly, move on!

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