Is it time to break up?

Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly 2 months. We've been talking for about 5 months and I've known him for over a year. He wants to keep us a secret because his best friend/housemate is my ex. He's told me he wants us to be together but in secret until he tells his friend. It's been 2 months and he still hasn't told his friend.

Thursday night I ended up speaking to mutual friend of all of us and I told him about me and my boyfriend. My drink was spiked that night so I have no memory of what I said at all, but I know my boyfriend found out because he's been ignoring me ever since.

I feel like him ignoring me has been the final straw. I haven't seen him in a month because he's afraid my ex will find out about us. He says he didn't want to break up before because he was going to tell him but still hasn't. I'm just so tired and heartbroken from all this.

I really do like him because he is a very nice person and I really don't want to give up on him because know I could be really happy with him but I just can't put up with all this secrecy and him getting mad at me when someone finds out about us. Should I talk to him about what I'm feeling first? Or just break up with him altogether?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly I think you should break up with him, I can already tell he isn't that serious and this relationship will go nowhere. If you love someone you want the world to know about this person, you don't care what other people think and you wouldn't hide that you are in a relationship unless it's from your parent's because you're not allowed to yet. But if you love them you would also find it hard to not be with them a lot of the time and if you're angry at someone you love you usually ignore them for a little while and then you talk to them again the next day or something and make up. Thats how it goes.

    If you really want it to work then talk to him first. But from what I see all this secrecy and stuff will just makes this relationship troublesome and he's been fine with it for the past 2 months +? He should really grow some balls and just tell lol.. he cares about his friends/roomates feelings more than yours. Best of Luck.

    • Thanks for your advice :) We haven't been together long enough to say we're in love with each other just yet (especially because I haven't even seen him in a month) but I understand where you're coming from.

      Yeah I do plan on talking to him first, (if he stops ignoring me lol) and I completely agree with you when you say he needs to grow some balls because his friend is going to find out whether it's from him or not haha. Thank you :)

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What Guys Said 1

  • I never get it how, you can break up with someone than start to date their roommate or best friend.

    He is acting like he is, because he knows he is doing something messed up. You exposing him, is showing everyone else how nasty both of you really are.

    • I didn't break up with my ex, he broke up with me. And when we did get together they weren't living together at the time, and tbh I don't really give a damn about what my ex thinks of me because as far as I'm concerned, he doesn't get to pick and chose who I date any more.

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    • Yes because they live together. If they didn't live together this wouldn't even be as much as an issue as it :/

    • Your missing the whole point, if what was going on was on the up and up. There would be no issue, there is an issue because he knows he has crossed a line that should not have been crossed.

      The fact that he knew your ex, should have backed him off from you. The issue is not him dating you, the issue is him dating you right after you broke up with his friend and for them to have become roommates that means they were friends.

What Girls Said 1

  • Before you make a decision to end things, make sure you’re initiating a breakup for the right reasons. Don’t impulsively call it quits. Slow down and evaluate: Is this decision purely an emotional one?

    Wait until you’re calm and can carefully weigh your breakup motivation. It’s easy to give up when you’re exhausted or in the middle of unresolved conflict.

    Good luck.

    • I think it could be an emotional decision. I only started thinking about this because I'm hurt that he's ignoring me. He's never done this before and I'm also scared he'll just never talk to me again haha :/ Thank you for your advice, I think I'll wait until I've calmed down to make a decision :)

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