Guys, Why does he text me if he says he never wants to speak again?

Guys, Why does he text me if he says he never wants to speak again?

Basically my ex and I broke up last weekend. We were together for 3 years. Friends for a year before we started dating. So 3 years ago when we first started dating, we both went out to a party and I got very drunk. I ran into an acquaintance at this party when my ex went to the bathroom. I gave this guy a friendly hug and the next thing I know he had his hands on my and he was kissing my neck.
My ex walked up right then and saw it all. He didn't question me after I told him I was very drunk and that obviously that guy had taken advantage of me. I stopped talking to that guy after that night, I was so mad at that guy...
Fast forward to last weekend and we are talking. He asked me about that night and I recounted what had happened. He then said the details didn't match up and he asked me what else I had been hiding. I wasn't hiding anything, but he automatically jumped to conclusions and said he had seen me having sex apparently. I was completely shocked. He accused me of cheating and stormed off. I begged and pleaded, telling him nothing like that had happened and he wouldn't listen. He told me he would never be speaking to me again and a whole lot of other really nasty stuff. He has been cheated on badly in the past and throughout our relationship he admitted to looking through my phone and Facebook. Of course he didn't find anything, I had nothing to hide...
So last Friday he messaged me some horrible stuff saying it was a "courtesy text" about how I would burn in hell and that he hoped I would remember when I went sleeping around when I got drunk.
Why would he be texting me after that night and still trying to engage? I didn't respond, but I am considering doing so in a week or so when he calms down more.
I am at a loss of words and really could use some advice from some guys on this. From a guy's opinion, how should I handle this?
Thank you
What is the best way to respond to him and what should I say? Is there really anything I can say to make him realize how insecure he is being?
So everyone he messaged me tonight saying how he was done with me and that this was him saying goodbye and all of this nonsense. I finally caved and responded, but in a positive manner. Each time he would try and take a negative jab I continually redirected. Eventually he got tired and tried to redirect the conversation towards how he almost hurt himself and he enjoyed the pain. He wished he had died. Then when I didn't give him the pity response he was seeking, he once again changed the subject


Most Helpful Guy

  • If I was you, I would try to get him at a good time and either try and see each other in person or try to FaceTime/ Skype him. From personal experience, texting and sometimes even calling an ex girlfriend of mine can somehow twist your words and your case, your boyfriend may take things the wrong way. The reason why I say to FaceTime or Skype is because he can see your facial expressions and how deeply sorry you truly are.. Well not sorry, but he can tell that you're telling the truth. You can maybe say that you would never want to compromise the relationship that you two shared. It was too precious for you to want to cheat. I'm sure you love him so maybe tell him in the most sincere way at the end.

    I'm sure he has feelings for you. If he was done with you, he wouldn't have talked to you after that night. Let me know if you have any other questions or comments. I hope I helped 😕

    • Thanks so much. I'm still in contact with some of our mutual friends who have known him since he was very young, and they all agree he did mess up big time. I really don't know if he will ever see the truth if he is so afraid and projecting his past. How long would you say to wait? He doesn't have a web cam, or anything like that. I don't feel guilty I just feel sad because I know this is his problem that has now broken us apart...

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    • He blocked me.. but a friend told me he's been posting about driving away and never coming back and that his dog is his only friend he can count on...
      I was concerned that he was saying horrible things about me on there so I had her check.. I'll have her look again to see where he is.

    • Okay sounds good. Have your friend keep an eye on his posts to see if they get better. I'd say give him 1-2 weeks. More toward the one week though. If I was upset and someone I cared about didn't talk to me for two straight weeks, I'd get even more upset.

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What Guys Said 2

  • You're doing the right thing by leaving him alone for now. You're not the cause of his anger as you've said he has been cheated on before. Do validate his feelings because to him they are real.

    Don't respond to any nasty messages. When he does contact you in a calm manner. Ask him if he wants to meet up but in a public place (coffee shop) this will stop him from making a scene of things. Don't get angry, needy or desperate. Keep calm and talk it out or even go for a walk and talk it out. Keep your head though. Hope it works out for you.

    • Yeah I definitely agree in that respect. Would you say to wait another week? It has been exactly a week since we broke up.

  • Jealousy is OK but this is to the extreme. His mind is made up. I don't think you could pry his closed mind open with a four foot crow bar. I wouldn't do anything until he makes contact if he does.


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