Why did my ex girlfriend try so hard to be friends, yet now that I'm ready to be friends, she makes no effort?

We dated for a year and a half. She broke up with me 7 months ago. I still love her and want her in my life. She wanted to be friends though and I accepted. At first we didn't talk for a while and then she tried talking to me. Things were just okay. Then I found out that she got a new boyfriend in June (4 months after we broke up) and they were trying to keep it a secret in order to not hurt me, but I was broken. I blocked her on all social media. I didn't talk to her for 2 weeks and it hurt her. In July I ignored all of her texts because I was so upset. In August, we started to be friends again, but that was just for a short time. Before she left for college, I agreed to see her to try and leave on good terms and I took her to a sunflower field.. Her absolute favorite.

However about a week after she left for college, I went about 2-3 weeks of ignoring her texts.. Granted she only texted me like 10 times throughout that whole time. She also called me about 6 times in one night because I was still ignoring her and she didn't know why. I still didn't answer. You have to realize that I'm jealous of her loving her new boyfriend who was also her best friend. He is half the boyfriend I was and will never love her as much as did. It hurt to be her friend.

Now about 2 weeks ago, I talked to her. I apologized for ignoring her and I'm ready to be her friend. She still wanted to be too.

Now that we are friends, the only time we talk is if I initiate the conversation. Throughout these 2 weeks, I've only initiated twice out of 2 total conversations, but both conversations were enjoyable and happy.

The last time we talked was last week and the conversation ended with "me: hey I know you're busy so I hope you enjoy your day and we'll talk later" and she replied back "okay".

It's been a week since we talked. I don't know what to do 😔. I don't know how to approach this. Please help me. Thank you so much for reading. It means a lot.


Most Helpful Girl

  • She wasn’t really trying to reestablish a legitimate, solid friendship: she was trying to relive her guilt and greedily enjoy feasting on your presence without having the same emotional and mental duties as before.

    • So if she doesn't reach out to me in 1-2-3 weeks time, should I text her and say "look I know you wanted to be friends, I get that you have a boyfriend and living the new college life. From how it seems now, you seem like you want nothing to do with me and that's okay. Just let me know so I don't assume that we're friends when I talk to you even though you don't truly want to be. I don't want to be sitting her thinking we're friends when we aren't. Even after all of the times when you wanted me to be your friend, you seemed so persistent, yet now that I'm actually here and ready, you've made almost no effort. Just please tell me your true intentions so I can know what to do from here on out." The reason why I'm saying I should text her is because while she was in her relationship, she said she loved me and missed me on different occasions. She's said that her relationship is no where near perfect. When we were dating she said "you are no doubt husband material."

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    • Of course! :) I agree I should stop giving her power. Things have been greatly improving over time. Even though I ignored her for 3 straight weeks in the past, her getting upset, and then me apologizing and us being "friends" again, you still recommend ignoring her?

      I guess technically this isn't what I signed up for when I agreed to be friends.. Pertaining to us not even talking even though we agreed. As you said, she's made herself clear by her actions. Yes, I have been going back and forth between ignoring her and wanting to be friends... But so has she so it's equal. She's made up her mind.. And that's okay

    • That's the spirit!

Most Helpful Guy

  • Dude, fuck the friendship.

    You're better off just moving on instead of holdinh on to something that's not there.


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What Girls Said 1

  • In my opinion ex's Can't ever just go from loving Eachother to just being "friends" . one person is always gonna feel attached and it's just not gonna work out and if you start tlaking to someone they might not like the idea of you still having contact with her/him I know I wouldn't. i think that once you brake up you two should go your separate ways and yeah of course you can talk here and their and say hi but daily talking noooo that's not gonna benefit any of you. The best thing to do if you still want them in your life talk once in a while to see how they're doing and that's it don't text her everyday she has a guy she's moving on and that's what you NEED to do move on find someone else to text , go out don't stay attached to her your NEVER gonna move on if you keep texting her. Trust me I learned it the hard way. And of course it's a process and it's gonna take some Time , but take baby steps and little by little before you know it you can see her with some guy and you won't feel anything like yeah you guys loved eachother but that's in the past you guys are friends now.

    • What's your opinion of going from friends to dating to friends again?

      Her boyfriend is perfectly okay with me talking to her because I've been such a huge influence in her life. From helping her grieve from her mothers death and always being there for her. I was the perfect boyfriend.

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    • Dang I'm sorry. And honestly I told her the day that she left that I pray that she is the happiest girl out of 7 billion people. The reason why I said i wished she was sad was because I was upset. She's got a new boyfriend, she's got a new life and everything's great. Now Im here thinking about her almost every day and miss her. It's unfair. That's why I wished her sadness. She's moved on so fast yet I was wanting to give her the world. It's unfair.. But I know life's unfair. It just gets to me sometimes.

      Little rant: the guy she's dating is her best friend. They texted from good morning to goodnight when we dated. I thought something was up between them but there supposedly wasn't. When she broke up with me, I was upset and brought up that guy and she said exactly this.. "Will, he has nothing on you. He's not you." Yet she goes and dates him. That makes me feel shitty like I was a bad boyfriend even though I was the absolute best. I guess I'm just bitter, jealous, and unworthy 😔

    • Trust me been their. I would call my ex crying on the phone and tell him how much I missed him and all he would say is that he couldn't be with me anymore j literally broke up with him for less then a week I just felt suffocated and he "didn't feel the same anymore " in less then a month it hurts a lot trust me it took me a whole summer and still I'm trying to get over him from time to time I still think about him and what made him lose feelings. But the matter a fact is that you guys are over and you NEED to move on and in the beginning its gonna feel like time doesn't move but trust me on this I recently went through this you will !!

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