Do you mind giving some moving on from an ex girlfriend advice?

It's been 7 months since we broke up. She actually broke up with me because we were in a LDR and she missed having me by her side although I made the effort to visit her multiple times a month every month. We dated for a year and a half.

We don't talk much anymore.. It's quite rare when we do. I don't text her first anymore. I actually don't feel the need to.

She started dating her best friend 4 months after breaking up with me and they've been dating for 4 months. Side note, I treated her like a princess, but this new guy treats her like a friend. I'm 90% sure he loves ncaa football 10 times more than how much he loves her.

What I don't understand is this. Why am I still hooked on her? I obviously don't want to be. She's been blocked on all of my social media for 8 months and I don't care what's going on in her life. Like I said, we rarely talk.. Whether it be for weeks to months. It's random.. And it's usually a quick question by her, not a convo. I do still care for her.. I mean I loved her to death for over a year, so that explains that.

She really wanted to be friends after the breakup and initially I said yes.. Then I said no because it hurt to be her friend, and then I matured and decided to be her friend. She always pushed me to be her friend. She really wanted to be friends.. However, she makes no effort to communicate with me, unless it was a question as I said before.

Just why do I still think of her? Why is she still on my mind? I'm probably not even on hers, so that should give me more of a reason to forget about her. I know I should talk to other girls and date, but I don't have any friends who are girls to be honest 😔

Any advice? Anyone relate? Thank you so much for reading


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think I can help you out here.

    The way that you described everything reminded me of how I felt after my first breakup so I'll try and clear things up for you.

    Firstly, the reason why you continue to think of her is because of the ideas that you put into your head about her. What i mean by this is that (like you said) you treated her like a princess and genuinely cared for her. I could go as far as saying that you probably imagined spending the rest of your life with her (correct me if I'm wrong though) and if this is true then this is why you continue to think of her to this day.

    It is very hard to stop thinking about the person whom you thought you would spend the rest of your life/marry them. I would know because this has happened to me. And in all honesty, it really sucks. You really cared for the person and things had to end and you are left trying to recover from the breakup but the feelings that you have instilled within yourself really prevent you from moving on. To me it seems like you really loved your girlfriend and any other girl would be very lucky to have you.

    Now for the moving on part. While it does suck that you are still not over her given that it has been a long time (don't worry, it took me about 1 year to get over a situation similar to yours) don't feel bad. It's perfectly normal and just look forward to the future. My remedy for getting over an ex is to think of them so much that you'll eventually forget about them entirely (my reason for doing this is that when you try and force yourself to forget something you rarely ever do). You'll get over it even it takes you longer than expected. The point is that you need to realize that it is over and that you should want to be happy at the end of all of this. So write letters (but don't send them), make a secret blog where you can let all your feelings out, find a friend who will listen to you, just do something where you can get all of the feelings about your ex out of you and in time you'll feel better.

    And in the end, always look to the future as a source of inspiration. Someday you'll find someone else to love and it'll be everything you've wanted.

    Also, I don't know if you have this problem ( I know I do) but it kind of seems like you might be capable of loving anyone you are with. So as words of caution, just be careful on who you date because you should be happy with the relationship as well

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    • Thank you very much for your thoughtful response. This is an incredible piece of advice, so thank you. Starting from the beginning of your post, I did truly love her. I loved her like no other. I did imagine spending my life with her. Yes, I am 20, but my bestfriend asked me like 3 months into the relationship if I could see myself marrying this girl and as a 19 year old at the time I said "most definitely." See the thing is that we were perfect for each other. I was her first love, and she was mine. She was also my first girlfriend (probably a big reason why I am still stuck on her.) But she brought out the best in me. She made me feel differently than any other girl I have come across to this day. Now you might be asking, "Well if you loved her this much and she loved you, why did you break up?" The thing is that I wasn't a bad boyfriend; I didn't cheat or argue much or anything. We were long distance and there was no sure sign when we'd truly be able to see each other indefinitely.

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    • Mostly every song reminds me of her. I will take your advice to think of them so much that I either get tired of her or forget about her entirely. What you said makes sense. If you try to not think about a white elephant, for example, you're gonna keep thinking about that white elephant lol. I know how it goes. I've tried to forget about her before and here I am. I do realize its over. I realize that she's in another relationship. That should be a cue for me to forget, but for some reason she still lingers. I write songs about her (mostly Ed Sheeran type songs about a breakup lol) and that seems to help. I do have a secret tumblr, but I think that it might help add on emotions pertaining to missing her and such. I think songs are the best way out though they do take a while to finish.. I try to make them catchy and sound good as well.

      Ill continue to look forward to the future. I can't imagine someone better than her, but by God, I hope I do. Thatd be fantastic.

    • Lastly, I am just like you. I am capable of giving my whole heart to anyone I am with. I am quite picky when it comes to my next girlfriend.. I've mentioned it in a previous question of mine of whether being too picky when it comes to a girl could be a bad thing or not.

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