After 15 years my parents have called it quits. Mainly it was my mom. She started having an affair and the family all knows about but we didn't want the divorce to get messy so my parents just got a lawyer. My parents have joint custody of my brother and im wondering if anyone has any advice on how to cope for not only myself but also for my father. He is the one I am very very worried about.
Most Helpful Guy
It hurts my heart reading this because i know the struggles first hand of coming from a divorced household. My story is so similar to yours, i made me shed a tear tbh.
My mum went with another man after 11 years and although she still loves us it broke my heart. My dad suffered without her because he loved her dearly and missed having a female companion. My sister was devastated the most and made several attempts when she was young to end her life and thank God she is still here with us. Its so difficult to give advice because each situation is so unique. I kept telling myself to stay strong and know that both my mum and dad love me to bits and it kept me going all these years. Also i kinda used "looking after my sister and brother" as motivation to going moving forward.
Communication is often a good place to start. Men and your dad sometimes built a shell around themselves because they have no outlet to let go of their emotions. Keep talking with your dad and hopefully he will be able to self heal by talking about it. Also my dad and i took up golf to get his mind off all of that stuff and it helped him. God bless and be strong, you are in my prayers1
Most Helpful Girl
Definitely never, ever take sides! Tell both of your parents that you do not want to be in the middle of their problems and should not be placed there. If you hold any anger towards your mom for having the affair, you should maybe consider talking to a close friend or possibly seeing a therapist for a bit as they're more likely to give you better advice. It takes time. My parents divorced when I was 11 and my mom constantly put my siblings and I in the middle of it. It caused such mayhem because I was always on my dad's side, one sibling was always on my mom's side, and the other was on both sides at different times. Now we're all old enough to be "Switzerland" and sort of realize what was going on, but we are no where near as close as we should be and that's 100% the reason why. You're allowed to feel anger and disappointment, and whatever else you feel. Make sure you don't perpetuate these feelings, though. Being that your 20, I assume you've learned a lot about dealing with things, though your parents divorcing is somewhat on a different level as that unity is supposed to be your "security" as so many other things are changing in your life. It really is difficult and for that reason I really do recommend therapy - even for your dad. Time helps but it will never be the same. Just gotta get used to it. I hope this helps somewhat!0