How to cope with parents divorcing?

After 15 years my parents have called it quits. Mainly it was my mom. She started having an affair and the family all knows about but we didn't want the divorce to get messy so my parents just got a lawyer. My parents have joint custody of my brother and im wondering if anyone has any advice on how to cope for not only myself but also for my father. He is the one I am very very worried about.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • It hurts my heart reading this because i know the struggles first hand of coming from a divorced household. My story is so similar to yours, i made me shed a tear tbh.

    My mum went with another man after 11 years and although she still loves us it broke my heart. My dad suffered without her because he loved her dearly and missed having a female companion. My sister was devastated the most and made several attempts when she was young to end her life and thank God she is still here with us. Its so difficult to give advice because each situation is so unique. I kept telling myself to stay strong and know that both my mum and dad love me to bits and it kept me going all these years. Also i kinda used "looking after my sister and brother" as motivation to going moving forward.

    Communication is often a good place to start. Men and your dad sometimes built a shell around themselves because they have no outlet to let go of their emotions. Keep talking with your dad and hopefully he will be able to self heal by talking about it. Also my dad and i took up golf to get his mind off all of that stuff and it helped him. God bless and be strong, you are in my prayers

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Definitely never, ever take sides! Tell both of your parents that you do not want to be in the middle of their problems and should not be placed there. If you hold any anger towards your mom for having the affair, you should maybe consider talking to a close friend or possibly seeing a therapist for a bit as they're more likely to give you better advice. It takes time. My parents divorced when I was 11 and my mom constantly put my siblings and I in the middle of it. It caused such mayhem because I was always on my dad's side, one sibling was always on my mom's side, and the other was on both sides at different times. Now we're all old enough to be "Switzerland" and sort of realize what was going on, but we are no where near as close as we should be and that's 100% the reason why. You're allowed to feel anger and disappointment, and whatever else you feel. Make sure you don't perpetuate these feelings, though. Being that your 20, I assume you've learned a lot about dealing with things, though your parents divorcing is somewhat on a different level as that unity is supposed to be your "security" as so many other things are changing in your life. It really is difficult and for that reason I really do recommend therapy - even for your dad. Time helps but it will never be the same. Just gotta get used to it. I hope this helps somewhat!

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What Guys Said 10

  • Interesting question. What about your dad are you worried about? I think the best thing you could do is simply to minimize his stress. If he asks something from you, do it. You cannot help him with any heartbreak. You might say that you take his side, but, really, that doesn't help. If your father is truly heartbroken, he wouldn't want you to have that negative attitude toward your mother. If he is not heartbroken, he will be fine. Just don't add to his stress like teenagers often can do. Just asking this question though shows that you are a good daughter - one any man would be proud to have.

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    • I'm really just worried about his heartbreak and also 15 years of being in a relationship and having children, a home, shared memories is a lot for him to deal with and even me. I really appreciate your advice and opinion thank you.

  • I've been through that and while it's not easy, it's their lives we're talking about. Don't put yourself ahead of their love life, support your dad and your brother. Don't do stupid shit and make your parents proud. Act like it's nothing and be a mature woman. Be there for them. Stay strong!

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  • First thing is to give things time and go through the emotions you Ned to go through. I was married for a little bit over that amount of time and, in part it ended for the same reason. It took me a year or more to get past things, then again the divorce process can be rather unpleasant and can easily take that oniony of time. i found getting out and being active helped. It's an opportunity to make new connections and try new things. It can take a while to get to the point where your ready for that.

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  • My parents divorced after 27 years of marriage and it was a shock. It was my mom who wanted out too. All I can say to do is to spend time with your dad. I got a lot closer to my dad than I had ever been in the years following the divorce. He did go and talk to a therapist and that helped him open up to us.

    It does get better.

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  • The first step is to not take sides

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  • I'm sorry to hear that :(

    Life will get better and you will have fun moments 😊

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  • I dont think you can so much in such a case the best you canto keep calm and act like a bond bw your parents rather than blaiming the consequences i know its easier to say but you got to do it, Best Of luck God bless u

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  • You should probably side with your father then.

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  • by having a sex.

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  • Give it time and don't pick sides.

    Now this is why there are so many MGTOW's!!

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What Girls Said 2

  • That's really tough. My parents separated and divorced a long time ago. It was rough because my mom would unload on me and it was tough. Both of them have dated different people and I remember how that was for myself and other brothers. Now they are both remarried and they come to some of the gatherings and they are civil and they talk fine now and everything like that. I don't really know how to cope because it's tough to say. I think the reason I am so code with my brothers is because of what happened. No matter what happened with my parents, they weren't going anywhere. It took awhile and there were fights for sure, but everything is okay now. I'm not saying it'll be the same for you guys, but I am saying that it'll be rough, definitely. Just keep your heads up.

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  • Do you know WHY your mom cheated? People are always blaming women when they cheating as if the husband didn't push them to cheat. You may say "THEY WERE HAPPY TOGTHER" but my question to that is "How do YOU know that?" "Were you around them 24/7?". You were 15, of course you don't know WHY your mom cheated. Seems like you're siding with dad without knowing EVERY detail. Most kids always side with their dads even if the dad was at fault smh

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    • There is no excuse to cheat. Either you're a grown adult and you deal with the problems in your relationship or you brake up. It was completely and totally only her fault for cheating.

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    • Can you not read? I know you're 20 now and was younger. Also IF your mom actually want that then, that defeats the purpose of getting what she wants

    • If she's actually doing that in the name of being selfish and not doing what any person that's "been hurt" is doing than I guess she's in the wrong. Only if it's her fault though meaning your dad messed up bad first

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