Is it possible to get back with an ex who lives states away?

The guy broke up with me... I still love him. It's been 3 months. Is there anything I can do to persuade him to give the relationship another chance? (I've only talked to him once since the break up?) I've been thinking, and I don't know what to do anymore. I can't get him out of my head. I never got to say good bye in person. We had to break up over the phone. Should I just delete him from my Facebook friends and have all of my friends delete him too? I can't get myself to stop from checking his profile. We dated for 2 years. He said he wanted to propose sometime soon. We broke up over an accumulation of things (that is what he told me). How can I get him to see that this relationship would be way more than worth it if he decided to give it a second try? He saw it that way once before, now he just has tunnel vision on letting me go, and looking at all of the negatives, and I unfortunately only have tunnel vision on getting him back. I wish I didn't love him, or want him back or care about him. It would make things so much easier.

The sad thing is. I've read books, I've done everything I could possibly do to save the relationship. I was even in his town/state weeks ago, and I told him I was going to be there, and he said don't even think about it, I'm going to be really busy that week. I didn't contact him. He said maybe we could talk on weekly basis, but not to get my hopes up. I don't want him to be doing me any favors like that. I want it to be a mutual friendship. If it's not wanted on his side, I don't want to go ahead and bother him. (Plus, I But then again when I asked him if he wanted no contact he proceeded into saying that he didn't want any contact, but right now, his actions speak louder than words. He hasn't contacted me. I'm friends with his Facebook profile, and that is it. Was he just trying to be nice to me, by saying that he doesn't want contact forever, because if underneath he didn't want anymore contact from me, I wish he would have just said it. I would have blocked him from my Facebook profile, and had my friends do the same. I don't want to look at his life watch him happily live it with someone else other than me. I guess that is selfish, but maybe he would be easier to get over then.

And then again, I look at what we had, and then I look at other couples that have broke up and got back together. And I look at them, and think I don't know how they could have got back together and then look at what we had, and not understand why we are apart. Yeah we our differences, but they seemed small. I'm sitting here still wishing we were back together.

I went on a date last night, with this guy. He's nice, smart, and attractive, but the chemistry isn't there.

Deep down in my heart, from everything that I know, I really believe that this break up was a mistake. It's been 3 months now. Some days I think I'm over it, and other days I'm not. I just wish I didn't love someone who doesn't love me back

Updates:
He said he did want contact still, but no contact forever. (that was what I asked)... Sorry my typing skills suck...
OK, so you said not to do anything. I feel like I need to say goodbye and delete him off my friends list. I wrote this message up tonight let me know what you think.
This is by far the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I've never felt so much pain in my life. The thing is I guess I'd never lost anyone that meant so much to me before. The truth is its torture. I hate waking up in the middle of night thinking about
I deleted him on Feb 14... and now it's been 4 months... I'm sure like everyone else is going to say, get over it move on, find someone else.
So. I re added him on Facebook, a few days ago, say March 8. And I said something along the lines, of how I know he didn't want to hear from me, and that he was an important person in my life, and that I didn't want him to lose him completely, even if
that means just being "Facebook friends." So a few days go by... He posts I'd go back, but its just to late." His mom liked his status. His friend said she always preferred rewind over fast forward. His next status was "Shes on my mind." and I thought
it was about another girl. and Now it's this: "If I see one more Illinois lisence plate or another ASU sticker I'm going to lose it, I get it I'm an idiot stop reminding me."I live in IL, and went to school at ASU. What and how am I supposed to take
this? I really do want him back even though he was a jerk, and it has been 4 almost 5 months by now.The comment doesn't say anything about wanting me back. It just says stop reminding me. It made me feel better to know that at least he doesn't hate me
He was my best friend and I still want him in my life, Yet, I've received no calls from him, no texts, no ims, no e-mails, no letter, nothing. I just wish he'd fly here surprise me and see me. Even if he was sh*tty for a little while, I would be very
happy to still see him.
Am I supposed to do anything in response to this message on Facebook? My friend Don said he might be playing mind games, or is in a state of regret, or just doesn't have the balls to contact me. Sure I maybe reading to much into this.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • *hug* I can really relate to that last line. I very much feel for you as I presently feel the same way (I'm in that situation).

    The answer is.. maybe. The answer you should assume is no.

    For some strange reasons girls and guys seem to work about-face. A guy knows how he feels for a girl at the outset from and then can lose interest as things go wrong (or retain interest and then eventually gain love if things go right / he is loved). Girls on the other hand seem to start out almost rejecting partners then slowly giving in to relentless gentle pressure and eventually love.

    The way girls work is more loving though because they eventually just accept everything about a partner (if enough time is spent together). Where as a guy is more likely to eventually find a solid reason not to be together (unless everything went really smoothly and they where sure when they started).

    Guys, when they make an emotional decision, very rarely change it (players [liars] aside). Girls too, but because of the reverse working I mentioned earler a girl can often seem to be irrational or to contradict themselves because they are going through internal conflict to try and not like someone (because they know where the liking leads and intuitively know men). Sadly, sometimes this is exibited in a way that can give a guy that reason to not like a person.

    So what's my point?

    The likely hood is, his decision is made and is unlikely to be changed. If it will change it won't be because of any pressure applied (excepting implicit pressure of his own feelings for you).

    Just live your life. Let your ex know how you feel and then don't make "efforts" to keep in touch (if it happens, enjoy it.. but don't put yourself out let him do any work). Try not to compare new people with your prior relationships.

    Nothing that can be said or can be done can make what your going through easy (or even easier). I know. Also, you can't control who you love and once loved you will never stop loving them unless they hurt you badly enough. With him cutting you off, that will help things change but it doesn't make it easy.

    Just enjoy attentions from hot men, don't rush into anything, let your love know the way you feel and see what happens.

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    • I am assuming he doesn't want any contact, but I wish he would have just came out and said it. I wish the "I don't know if we'll ever see each other again" was an I know this is the last time we will speak, and the last time I saw you was the last. I'm just really upset. 3 months, and I'm obviously not over it. I mean he wrote me a book after a year of dating saying how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I mean he even admitted to having an amazing 2 years together.

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    • He obviously isn't commited to you, so also ask yourself if you deserve better? someone who would be. When we become desperate, we stop being ourselves and when we stop being ourselves what is there to love. Yet, we become desperate when there is insufficient love on the other side of the two halves... maybe nothing would change if we never became so.

      You have two choices now:

      1) Wait him out (risky),

      2) Start meeting new people (better, but possibly could end up hurting someone).

    • Hey Michelle,

      It's been a while, so would be great to get an update on your situation.

      I read the whole thing and I hope you are feeling much better now...

      I'm new to this site as my ex girlfriend broke up with me 2 months ago and I'm in a similar situation you mentioned here...so trying to find some strength from your story.

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