I need help pls? I can't seem to get over my ex

I can't seem to get over my ex, I feel like I have moved on but Its only because I've been trying so hard to convince or lie to myself by saying that I have. I feel like I never got a proper time to grieve over it as I was too busy trying to occupy myself with work and seeing friends so I wouldn't think about it. I still miss him and still even feel like I love him or at least have some sort of feeling towards him. It's been 4 months now and I should probably be over it he claims that we both agree the ship has sailed I honestly don't think or feel that way and I'm not to sure if he does either. I did however tell him a couple months back that I got over him within a month because I was trying to be a bitch and act like I don't need him. He was shocked by this so it felt good but I never meant it I was being spiteful it makes me question whether he believed me or not. I honestly feel if he was to come up to me and want to try again I more then likely would even though he treated me so terribly at times he also treated me so great too. He initiated the breakup on a night when we were drunk but it was finalised and came to a mutual decision to end things the next day, I would say it ended quite smoothly and on the same page. I still see him sometimes due to us having mutual friends so this does make it harder to get over him I guess. I've only seen him 5 times since we ended. The only times we have messaged or really talked was initiated by him because I didn't want him to think I had any feeling of wanting to rekindle. We wanted to stay "friends" after the breakup for the sake of our friends but I'm finding it very difficult because I still want to be more then friends and feel as if I'm still hung up by hoping that he eventually realises that he had made a mistake. I think this is because he's only recently admitted to me that he knows what he did wrong and he's sorry for it and said he's making changes now.
PLS READ LAST BIT ON UPDATE

Updates:
I don't know whether he said this to me to sort of give me closure or to make himself feel better or anything but I did appreciate hearing this. He's been thinking a lot about his life lately as he's a very sensitive guy and has issues he needs to work on. And then just on the weekend he left within being at the party for about half n hour he left in a very weird way, wasn't really talking to me or making eye contact, me and our mate were playing BP and my ex handed me the ball instead of his
my ex handed me the ball instead of his mate and the mate goes why man your not responsible for her anymore and it went very awkward we both didn't say anything we were kind of like really? He left soon after that and had told a friend of mine that's he's been really sad this week I can't help but think it may be because of me but I know that is a big assumption to make.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • You have to use paragraphs and condense man, this is diarrhea of words.

    What i got out of it... you broke up and still see your ex?

    Stop interacting with your ex, it's still too soon for the two of you to see each other since emotions are still involved and this only slows down the process... it's very easy to fall back into the swing of things.

    Think about it, what if you quit meth... however you hung out with meth users all the time and it was always around you? You'd never be able to move on.

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    • I'm sorry I know! It made me cringe doing so. However I was trying to cram so much into the world count, so tried to not occupy as much space as I could.

      It's been 4 months and we were both in a situation with one of our friends after there breakup. One wouldn't go to something because it was uncomfortable visa versa and we promised ourselves that we wouldn't be like that.

      I'm coming to the realisation now of why they did what they did. However it was very messy and hard on everyone when it was like that.

    • It's just how break ups go.. Mutual friends are collateral and they need to make plans with the two of you separately. If it's too much work then, they will have to just choose a side and move on from there.

      Yea.. it might be "hard" on everyone but it's 10x as hard for the two who broke up. In my last break up (4.5 years) our "circle" of friends was scattered.. we tried to do what you did but it made it very difficult to move on (as you've seen).

      you're going to have to accept that you are going to have to build new routines including potentially finding different ways to occupy your time outside your mutual friends... Yes.. some of your mutual friends will choose his side (this will hurt as some of mine did the same). I don't blame them, it's just "business" in a sense.

      Don't let this consume you, this is a great opportunity for you as you have more time now to focus on your goals, self improvement and find more about yourself. #positivity

Most Helpful Girl

  • Hmmm... I feel like I'm listening to myself a year ago. Well, all you have to do is cut all contact and not talk nor see him anymore. Next time your friends ask to hang out, ask if he's gonna be there. And if he is, don't go. It's normal to mourn when you break up, it's normal to want to hurt the other because we're hurting. What you should do is not showing how you feel to HIM. He doesn't need to know you're sad, it's obvious! Just live your life happily and do what you have to do ad do it efficiently. It's gonna be hard, but it's gonna come. I thought it only took me 2 months to get over him, but it actually took me 8. I am finally over him and don't think about him as much as before. He still has that "special" place in my life/story, but he's from the past and he has to stay there. He tried coming back with me more than once, but I refused. I'm one of those "you have 1 shot" people. I'll give you a chance to convince me about something (here, a relationship and my heart), but if you mess up, you're out. That's what you should do. People, even as friends, will work harder to "earn" you. You don't hve to feel bad because someone is unable to see your worth.

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    • It's definitely not obvious to him that I am sad, I'm very good at pretty much neglecting my feelings if I want to. Or to make myself seem tough on the exterior when on the inside I am not.

      I'm generally like that too, however in this one instance I'm struggling hard to be tough like that. I hope I get back to that side of myself.

      It's to hard to avoid each other or not go to events. I only go if it's a party if it's something smaller like a gathering or something I don't go. I just don't want to be that couple and we agreed not to be... the ones that have to make a deal about whether one or the other is going and base the decision of attendance strictly on that. It's causes so much drama for our friends- I've been the friends in this sort of situation before. Pretty much ends up in then picking sides or no longer inviting us because we don't want to upset the other one it just gets way to tricky.

    • Then keep on trying. Your friends should understand that you don't want to be around him after the breakup. If not, they're dumb. Like I told you, take your distance from him and from what you did with him. It's the best way to overcome this.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Who asked for breakup first. Who's the dumper? I'm still confused

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    • Sorry I know the wording/pargraphing is terrible and confusing, you can blame the word count!

      He was the one to bring it up when we were both drunk. I told him to leave that night and we came back to it in the morning unsure where we stood. We came to a mutual decision to end it. It was very smooth to be honest, not on the drunk night but the actual breakup was.

    • Now he's the one who dumped you. He has to earn you back! You gonna have the strength to move on, we know it's hard like other users described. Time will decide for you, whether you will find another guy, or you simply focus on being better for yourself. Maybe some other day, when he still finds himself adore you, he may reach out for you.

      At this point, be strong girl! That's nothing more you can do with him. He was the dumper!

What Girls Said 2

  • If you still like him, tell him. I think he still has some feelings for you.

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    • I'm just scared on whether or not he will reciprocate, it would make everything very awkward and uncomfortable if he didn't.

    • if he didn't i suggest you just move along. Maybe just say 'I still have feelings for you :-/' and then send it at night you can always claim you were drunk!

  • Call him and tell him how you feel don't be hard on yourself

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    • I want to but I also just don't want to put myself out there to get hurt all over again. If he didn't reciprocate.

      It was also make our friendship group rocky if he didn't because I would stop going to events visa/versa. I'm not good with the whole friendship with an ex thing I've never done it before.

    • If you were hurt try to rember why and ask yourself " does him worth "

    • Remember *

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