How do I deal with this pain?

We would have been together for a year this Friday. This waa my first boyfriend We have never fought or anything. 2 weeks ago he told me me no matter what we will still be friends. But he wanted to make sure I wanted to work on the farm and he told me I need to stop holding his hand in public. I told him I'd change and I would. Then this Thursday we seemed really good. We went to the bar I dded and he told me "don't ever let anyone come between us I love u so much" because he danced with a girl but I trusted him. He at least was truthful and told me and didn't hide it then he went home on the weekend and he came back on Sunday and broke up with me no explanation why he just told me he wants to be friends. I was so shocked. And hurt. 3 Weeks ago he was talking to me about kids and marriage. He told me he finally found the one he wants. And doesn't want anyone else. Then it changed like that. He hinted me me his family said I didn't seem interested in the farm. But that was because I was never asked or showed what to do. But I would clean up their house when they went out for chores.
I asked him to give us a second chance he gave his last 2 girl friends chances and they cheated on him. I never did.
How did this even happen. Im so confused
And how do I even find love again when I am so hurt and scared it'll happen again. He knows how many people have hurt me and he promised me he'd never hurt me but he did. I feel so lost. I'd do so much for him I'd buy him gifts a lot, pay for meals, give him back massages every time he asked even when my arms were sprained. I never asked for anything in return. I was always there for him how could he just end this. Like tell me he loves me one day and tell me don't let anything come between us and literally the next day end everything. He even told me if we get married there's no divorce. Fuck he even told my best friend he wanted to get married with me wtf happened
It hurts more because he said he's been thinking of this for 2 weeks since we talked the first time. But then the next day he told me to get a box of condoms and we did it a few times in that week so I feel so used. He also took my virginity. He did wait till I Was ready and that didn't happen for 8 months
I feel disgusting with myself. I never wanted to have sex unless he wanted to be with me forever. It was going so good and all our friends thought we'd get married. Now I lost all of that will another guy even love me or am I just a slut


Most Helpful Guy

  • Sorry I just skimmed the post, but first loves are tough. It's not easy when you're young and in love and think that you'll be with this person forever, but early relationships tend to fizzle out (or implode), it's just part of growing up. Painful, but normal. So first of all, know that you're not the first girl to go through this and not the last either.

    Take some time to yourself, don't try and jump right back into a relationship. Give yourself a few months to let things settle down, focus on yourself and your friends, and I would suggest cut off ALL contact with your ex, otherwise it's like picking at a scab. Once it starts to heal, it gets ripped back open and takes longer to heal (and can be painful).

    You're not a slut. and guys aren't going to hold it against you that you're not a virgin. Don't worry about that.

    At your age, you are changing so much so quickly, and figuring out who you are and where you want to go in life. All of this is NORMAL.

    I like to recommend writing in a journal or notebook, I like the term "brain dump" or "memory dump", just write whatever comes to mind, whatever thoughts are in your head. None of it has to make sense or flow in a logical order, spelling doesn't matter. Just write. This helps clear your head. (You can shred the paper afterwards, the benefit is in the act of writing... gets all the millions of thoughts racing through your mind out of there and leaves you feeling more relaxed and in control.. Try it :-) you might like it!)

    Don't beat yourself up. Don't worry about how you'll find love again. You're young, there's a lot of life ahead of you, and there's no hurry to find "the one" (and hurrying probably won't take you to the right one, either).

    If it was a serious relationship and you're really hurt from it, take 3 or 4 months off from dating, then put yourself back into the market... In a few years you'll look back and probably laugh at this because you will have found someone so much better for you and you'll be so much happier. That's not to say you can do that now, but in time it usually happens that way :-)

    Good luck and keep your head up!
    It's a good world out there full of great guys (if you know where to look :-P)


Most Helpful Girl

  • Hi dear i read your comment and i know how you feel now because i have passed through this same way with my boyfriend and i was so depressed but am happy now we are back together today there are some advice i would have to give you to take and it will surely work out for you i want you to email me on my private email so we can talk better and tell you what to do. this is my email address mccartkatty@gmail. com please reply


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What Guys Said 1

  • Ouch been there. Don't call yourself a slut. Never change you to please someone else. Sounds like he is the problem not you. You mentioned him giving other girls chances a second one. First time accident, second time coincidence, third time pattern. I've been though hell and back on mistakes and being to nice. Make your feelings and goals number one for you and don't change you for anyone. You will be loved again don't beat yourself up


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