It's been 3 weeks since I've broken up with my ex... I feel bad for how I did it... Is it wrong to message him an apology? To wish him the best?

I am very confused right now and just really need an outsider's opinion.

so I'm 21; he's 30. We met in June and we're together until the beginning of October. We spent every single day together and he was my first love, my first everything. When college started up again for me (an hour away from where we both lived) he bought a town home in my college town for like $150,000. We were both so sure we would last for years. However, our relationship turned stale. I got very busy with school... He let down this... Persona he had when I met him. He kept getting angry and jealous over the smallest things. There were moments where I feared for my safety when he would be driving recklessly with me in the car because he saw me talking to some guy or because I was 5 minutes late to his car... Or other times when it wasn't directed at me but he would be demolishing furniture out of anger. It got out of hand and I was tired of it. He complained a lot as well, and didn't seem to value me anymore.

so when I broke up with him, I was very happy and felt free. But now that the initial break up is over... I feel an overwhelming sorrow. What we had the past 4 months WAS wonderful. I mean.. It was the happiest I had been in years. And being with him felt like home. I never felt I with anyone before... But he turned into someone I didn't know. Or showed his true colors.. And I was tired of it.

i ended it abruptly and coldly. Now, he still lives in my college town.. And I feel so bad because I know I hurt him. I had promised with him I would never do what I ended up doing (moving back to college and forgetting about him and us) and though I don't want to get back together with him, I just want him to know I am here for him and want him to find all he desires in life. Is that wrong to do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Nope, just leave it as is; don't apologize or try to be friends. It's not going to work.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, it would be extremely wrong for you to reach out of him because that would be purely selfish. You want to reach out to him to relieve your own guilt. You can't just act like everything revolves around your particular mood: whether you feel irritated, tired, or overwhelmed with sorrow. Not everything is about you and what you want in that moment. Leave this man alone and let him have his peace with out you being indecisive and playing games. You failed to be loyal and stand by his side and instead chose to leave him over some petty bullsh*t. -_- You basically left him because the honeymoon phase was over and the bond had progressed to a point where it was time for you to accept the good with the bad; you opted out. AFTER taking a ton of his money. Stop being so self-absorbed and let him move on with his life without you disrupting his peace AGAIN.

    **Below is my original answer**
    You mean to say this man invested in a $150,000 town home in your college town for you yet you dumped him because you were tired of his habits? -_- What the hell is wrong with you? There will be no coddling or gentle tone in this post because you need a legitimate harsh reality check. You were completely and totally wrong to take that man's hard earned money then end the relationship abruptly and coldly. Some may even call you a god digging hoe.

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    • I don't think you understand the situation he put me in at all. If I were to tell you about him I think you would leave too. All my friends and family rejoiced when I said I broke things off. I never even used his money. In fact, he used more of mine. I'm not going to contact him. But really, I don't need you to tell me I'm someone I'm not without even knowing what our relationship was like. He was always taking all his problems out on me. He took me away from my friends and family, saying terrible things about them. I was blind and then I woke up. I just feel bad because I broke a promise and I do still care for him. I couldn't take his anger bursts, him getting drunk, destroying his furniture with a hammer if it was in his way, picking me up from my work and having him angry because I was a couple minutes late.. Never asking about my life. It was always about him. But yeah, he bought a place and moved out of his parents. Maybe I helped him.

    • This answer was based off of the information you have provided in your original post. You can't exactly fault me for coming to the wrong conclusion if you chose to leave out crucial parts of information.

      If the relationship was that bad, then just move on and leave him alone. Continue being single without him around.

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What Guys Said 3

  • No apology is needed. Breakups are a reality and extremely common

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  • Keep your distance. You'll just make shit more complicated if you go back into his life. Besides, it was only 4 months, not 4 years.. not like you owe the guy anything.

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  • Give him another chance if you have feelings for him... maybe he still has feelings for you and can work on his jealousy?

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