Can an argument reveal someone's true colors?

I was recently in an argument with someone who was...let's just say they weren't the most stable person in the world. And every time we talked it would end in an argument. anyways I was talking to him and trying to have him put things in perspective and say that he could be worse off people are dying in Haiti. He basically said oh, well people die(including y Haitian family members) and he said F*&%^ you N*$$er. Does this mean that he was probably racist all along I did little to provoke such reaction and I don't think anyone deserves to be called that.


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What Guys Said 2

  • Yes. When we're calm, it is easy to show everyone the mask we've constructed for ourselves, but when we get stressed that mask starts to slip and you see another part of the person. Not their "true self" as people love to say, but another part, previously hidden from view. For example I have a low tolerance for stupidity, but this is largely unknown to those I've never been in a verbal confrontation with -- but as soon as they say something that just doesn't stand up to inspection, I tear into them.

    If someone where to judge me based solely on how I treated that person at that moment, I doubt very much that they'd hold me in high esteem. But there is more to me than that. Likewise, you saw another part of this person. Not his only side, but an obscure and clearly unpleasant bit of his personality, a tendency to cast out insults that aren't at all related to the subject at hand.

    For example I might have reason to say that someone is stupid if they're BEING stupid, but that stupidity wouldn't be reason enough for me to call them an a**hole. Of course, they're likely to then call ME an a**hole because I said they were stupid, but hey, it doesn't matter! They're stupid. I don't care what they think. xD

    Interestingly enough, I wouldn't say that it necessarily means he is (or ever was) a racist. It's just an obvious insult to use against a black woman. It is amusing to me that in almost every other context people understand that insults are meant to offend, but certain words or references (particularly those related to race or religion) seem to just be off limits. Boggles the mind. Take Don Imus for example. If he had said "stupid hos" or "worthless hos", people would've complained but no one would have FREAKED. But no. He said "nappy-headed" and everyone went apesh*t.

    Based on your version of the story, the insult wasn't provoked. More specifically, you didn't provoke ANY insult. I say this because your last word, "that", seems to imply that while some people may deserve a particular insult at a particular time for a particular reason, no one deserves THAT one. Pfft. Nonsense. Now if it is indicative of a pattern, if he's constantly referring to blacks in a disparaging way, then yeah he's probably a racist. But if that's not the case, consider that an insult is usually just an insult, historical context be damned. I'd take it as one and nothing more.

    Tl;dr - Just because a woman says a guy is a d*ck doesn't mean she has anything against men. Don't read so much into it.

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  • Regardless of whether or not he is racist, that's not something you need to hear. Especially from a 'friend'. I'd advise getting away from him.

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    • I have he was just poison always very negative toward me and selfish. I'm glad he is out of my life I know I don't need or deserve that. I never even swore at him or really even knew him esp. after he showed how he was.

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